Author Thorgs Posted August 27, 2010 Author Share Posted August 27, 2010 Glad to hear it! Thanks! I wish I was back out west with my sister though, my time was occupied...now I'm just idle and it sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted August 29, 2010 Share Posted August 29, 2010 Thanks! I wish I was back out west with my sister though, my time was occupied...now I'm just idle and it sucks. I know what you mean, the day to day, same things you used to do with them is the hardest, I think. I would give anything to be on a beach in Aruba right now. But each day gets better, so don't break your NC marathon. I am well into double digits with mine over this ridiculous wedding that is happening next month. I have heard of rebound relationships but never a rebound wedding. Oh well, learn something new every day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Pixie, that is just crazy!! I'm glad you are finding the humor in it I start work back up this Wednesday and I'll be seeing her youngest daughter every day. I already have my new back to work (school) clothes (wow I sound like a kid, ahh!), getting a haircut, going to the beach tomorrow to get a little sun, and going to look like the happiest person in the world (even though I'm not 100% yet). Hopefully this doesn't set me back and open a healing wound!! Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Pixie, that is just crazy!! I'm glad you are finding the humor in it I start work back up this Wednesday and I'll be seeing her youngest daughter every day. I already have my new back to work (school) clothes (wow I sound like a kid, ahh!), getting a haircut, going to the beach tomorrow to get a little sun, and going to look like the happiest person in the world (even though I'm not 100% yet). Hopefully this doesn't set me back and open a healing wound!! Just try not to focus on it too much and try to not think about her too much -- I know easier said than done!! I sure am glad I am not the only one who thinks the rebound marriage is crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 Well, sitting here on the beach and it's just not the same when you're alone :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 Hmm, well I just got a super random text from her youngest. This is the second time this has happened. She did it before about 2 1/2 weeks ago. "My phone broke so if you text me then I didn't get it before, but I'm cooking dinner, I'll text you later." So random and annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
BigTenInchRecord Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 (edited) I was just reading through this thread out of boredom, and it seems like you've had quite the up and down journey so far. But I just wanted to say a few things regarding your situation and the reality of it. Just know I'm not trying to be harsh or cruel, just trying to be honest, for your sake. By not sticking to no contact, you've made things much harder on yourself. I know hard it can be so I understand, but it needs to stop. Contacting the ex (letters, text, etc.) is a quick fix that does nothing but bring you down farther in the end. She knows what kind of vulnerable state your in (particularly from sending the letter - big mistake), so she's trying to remain your "buddy", evident in the pics she sends you, and inviting you out to lunch with her friends. By accepting this your making it clear to her that it was OK that she broke up with you, because you will still be there for her when she misses you. By complying with her she has her cake and is eating it too; she knows she still has you in her life -therefore easing the guilt of the breakup and making it easier to move on - but she doesn't have to deal with the relationship factor. I understand wanting to be in her life, but is that the signal you want to send? Your pretty much saying "you can tear my heart out but still keep me as a back-up plan". Besides the fact that you deserve better, girls are NOT attracted to that mentality. It drives any hope of a second chance farther away. And you know you deserve more than being a back-up plan. The truth is, if you genuinely loved this girl, your not going to move on in a month or two. You'll have your moments where you may think you are, but overall it can - and likely will - be a LONG process. So when you put yourself in a position to see her and kiss her, or let her send you photos because she's interested, you deceive yourself. You make yourself think that you CAN be friends with her, and just her being in your life will make you happy, and you can live with that. However subconsciously (maybe even consciously too) your thinking; "the interest is still there, if I remain in good standing with her I may get her back." And when that doesn't happen or she shows less interest, your heart sinks like a rock. That's just the truth of the situation, because breakups are no walk in the park. You need to implement NC and stick with it. If you feel the need to, tell her that you won't be speaking with her for several months, or more. She may be hurt but she needs to know that SHE decided you weren't worth it, not vice versa, and the only proper way for you to heal and move on is to go NO CONTACT. When she broke up with you, she no longer has the right to your friendship. You can give it to her if you want, but that's a foolish mistake. You should probably figure out where your relationship with her kids lies too. I'm sure you love them and they love you, but to me that seems like it could be a major hurdle in moving on. They were certainly a big part of your relationship so I'd think that seeing them all of the time is guaranteed to bring up memories, and it also likely means you can't go NC. I'm not saying cut them out of your life, but just tread carefully. The bottom line is you deserve to be happy with someone who will fight for you through thick and thin, not someone who will break up with a good guy like yourself (with LAME excuses I might add) and proceed to run to both an ex-husband and a new guy. For your own sake NC is critical. You saw what happened when you ignored it - the rollercoaster of emotions, the higher you climb the farther you fall. There's a reason NC is the most common advice here, and that's because it works. If there is a second chance on your horizon, it will in all likelihood be from NC - as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. It gives each party serious time to square their thoughts and feelings away, something that can't be done in weeks, and often times months. Best of luck. Edited September 1, 2010 by BigTenInchRecord Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 1, 2010 Author Share Posted September 1, 2010 Thanks BigTen. I'm actually on day 29 of NC. Her daughter told me today that her mom (my ex) tried calling me. That's the call I didn't pick up when I was in Vegas. I didn't know why she was calling. Her daughter told me today that she was "checking to see how I was doing". Yep, typical ex behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 1, 2010 Author Share Posted September 1, 2010 You should probably figure out where your relationship with her kids lies too. I'm sure you love them and they love you, but to me that seems like it could be a major hurdle in moving on. They were certainly a big part of your relationship so I'd think that seeing them all of the time is guaranteed to bring up memories, and it also likely means you can't go NC. I'm not saying cut them out of your life, but just tread carefully. BTW, her daughter eats lunch with me every day so I am trying to just be my old, fun self. Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 BTW, her daughter eats lunch with me every day so I am trying to just be my old, fun self. Yep, best thing you can do, never let them know you are hurting or that anything bothers you, especially when it comes to their kids. I tell you some people are just better not being in our lives sometimes. Got a call from my ex today, well not exactly him, he had someone call for him to tell me to call him. How immature! 40+ years old and cannot speak on an answering machine for himself it seems. I cannot believe he called me for money to turn his cell service back on. The nerve! To top it all off, when I told him no I wouldn't pay to get his phone back on, then he threatens to have the phone, satellite and internet turned off because it's in his name even though I pay the bill due to the business we had together. Whatever! So today, I called up and ordered my own services. Go ahead disconnect it, see if I pay it Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 So how was the first day of school? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 2, 2010 Author Share Posted September 2, 2010 Goddamnit, all I heard today was my mom this and my mom that. What the ****!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted September 2, 2010 Share Posted September 2, 2010 Goddamnit, all I heard today was my mom this and my mom that. What the ****!!!! Try your best to ignore it. I know it is hard, really hard but you can do it. I am sure it was purely unintentional on the child's part but still it doesn't make it any easier for you. Maybe some how you need to make a clean break from the child as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 5, 2010 Author Share Posted September 5, 2010 Yeah. For some reason, I'm really mad right now at the ex. I just want to tell her how pathetic and insecure she is for being a gold digger, liar, and cheater and that she'll never change and tell her how sorry of a life she is leading. I wont because I'm a better person than that, but it makes me mad that some people have no souls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 6, 2010 Author Share Posted September 6, 2010 Sorry, that last post was just me venting. These long weekends are killing me. Anyways, her daughter just IM'd me on Facebook. She was really upset because her dad ignored her by going out with his new girlfriend when it was his turn to watch her. It's sad really, he watches her once every couple of weeks IF that and he pulls something like that. If they were my kids I'd be spending time with them, but it's not my place to judge. Anyways, I cheered her up and I feel good about myself for once in a long time. Maybe it's the feeling of helping someone and feeling needed? I'm not sure. Anyways, just thought I'd update...again. Day 33 NC Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 Sorry, that last post was just me venting. These long weekends are killing me. Anyways, her daughter just IM'd me on Facebook. She was really upset because her dad ignored her by going out with his new girlfriend when it was his turn to watch her. It's sad really, he watches her once every couple of weeks IF that and he pulls something like that. If they were my kids I'd be spending time with them, but it's not my place to judge. Anyways, I cheered her up and I feel good about myself for once in a long time. Maybe it's the feeling of helping someone and feeling needed? I'm not sure. Anyways, just thought I'd update...again. Day 33 NC You are doing great, Day 33 YAY!! Hang in there the holiday weekend is almost over Sometimes you just have to vent, I know I felt like it the last couple of days but have just kept it to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 6, 2010 Author Share Posted September 6, 2010 You are doing great, Day 33 YAY!! Hang in there the holiday weekend is almost over Sometimes you just have to vent, I know I felt like it the last couple of days but have just kept it to myself. at least we have LS Link to post Share on other sites
Billie The Puppet Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 Thanks for this thread from what I have read NC initiated at least twice. (I am on my second go of NC myself) However I still have to get over the fact that the NC is not a game or ploy to get her back but is there to help us heal. I actually have a date lined up too to help boost my confidence but it is not anything serious. Also may have a new job offer so it's a good change that is needed in my life. My situation is weird it was 2.5 years great relationship suddenly hit a space issue in which she requested it but never took the space for herself it was as if we were still together and from there went to discuss engagement. We went as far as going ring shopping together to me finding an email and confronting her about it to us being broken up. I wonder what if I never found that email but she was cold the weekend before so I knew something was up. Oddly enough as far as I know the email I found she has not acted on yet. Basically it was her flirting with her Boss (She met me practically the same way) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 6, 2010 Author Share Posted September 6, 2010 Thanks for this thread from what I have read NC initiated at least twice. (I am on my second go of NC myself) However I still have to get over the fact that the NC is not a game or ploy to get her back but is there to help us heal. I actually have a date lined up too to help boost my confidence but it is not anything serious. Also may have a new job offer so it's a good change that is needed in my life. My situation is weird it was 2.5 years great relationship suddenly hit a space issue in which she requested it but never took the space for herself it was as if we were still together and from there went to discuss engagement. We went as far as going ring shopping together to me finding an email and confronting her about it to us being broken up. I wonder what if I never found that email but she was cold the weekend before so I knew something was up. Oddly enough as far as I know the email I found she has not acted on yet. Basically it was her flirting with her Boss (She met me practically the same way) Yeah, it's tough, but NC is really the only option for surviving a breakup. For me anyways. Everyone is different, but it seems to be the most common way to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Billie The Puppet Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 The stuff about friends and family sort of mirrors mine but that's because I also live an introverted life style where although I can make friends but I don't hang with them all the time. I am doing something this weekend with a friend too but that only occupies a few hours on one night what about all the other nights? Also many of my friends have S/O which makes it hard to just chill. Family has gotten to the point they are sick of seeing me down or talking about my ex. (My break up is still fresh just over a month or so). Also the friends I feel I can hang with are related to my ex (Her sister and her sisters fiancé) so it doesn't make it any easier. Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 at least we have LS GOD, we need a life Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 Oh yeah the big day is next Saturday, I think. I think I may have to go get my drink on or something on that day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 6, 2010 Author Share Posted September 6, 2010 Oh yeah the big day is next Saturday, I think. I think I may have to go get my drink on or something on that day! What you should do is have a BBQ that day and invite all your mutual friends so they don't go to the wedding, haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thorgs Posted September 6, 2010 Author Share Posted September 6, 2010 The stuff about friends and family sort of mirrors mine but that's because I also live an introverted life style where although I can make friends but I don't hang with them all the time. I am doing something this weekend with a friend too but that only occupies a few hours on one night what about all the other nights? Also many of my friends have S/O which makes it hard to just chill. Family has gotten to the point they are sick of seeing me down or talking about my ex. (My break up is still fresh just over a month or so). Also the friends I feel I can hang with are related to my ex (Her sister and her sisters fiancé) so it doesn't make it any easier. Yeah, it's tough when your social network is small or in my case, non-existent. Link to post Share on other sites
PixieStix Posted September 8, 2010 Share Posted September 8, 2010 What you should do is have a BBQ that day and invite all your mutual friends so they don't go to the wedding, haha. At this point, I don't really care what they do anymore. I have gotten back in touch with someone who was in my life before the ex and he is now finally single. So who knows, maybe this is what is meant to be. Only time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
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