ILoveToToot Posted February 3, 2004 Share Posted February 3, 2004 My man has told me how much he loves me and that i am the only one he wants, but i just cant fully beleive it. i only trust him 75% because of his white lies( lies he used to keep from hurting me). I guess i cant fathom a guy who likes to look at other women but claims he doesnt (yet another white lie:?), just wanting one. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 3, 2004 Share Posted February 3, 2004 Many or most men look at other women, and also look at porn. Don't put him on the spot by making him feel he has to lie to you about these things. I've noticed that some observant Muslim men (immigrants) here in the US avoid ever looking at women. That's right, I was seated at a professional networking lunch just across from a Muslim man, the other day. For the entire two hours, he studiously avoided glancing at me or any other woman. Since the meeting was about 30% female, this was quite a feat. It gave me the weirdest feel of invisibility. I felt quite antipathetic towards him as well. Let him look. He just shouldn't gape, leer, stare or drool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ILoveToToot Posted February 3, 2004 Author Share Posted February 3, 2004 its not about him being made to lie to me- its quite the opposite. hes been taught to make white lies and so hes been doing it. but i am teaching him to stop it. i want complete honesty. im demanding it. if he looks, i want to know, he has yet to admit it, but i know he does it. he will make a comment and i know he means it but he says its a joke...another white lie. its like come on stop it! tell me the hard core truth. yes, i want to hear it. make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted February 3, 2004 Share Posted February 3, 2004 I won't agree that most men like porn, however I will say that men's eyes will look at a pretty woman before their brains know they are looking! This is often misconstrued by women. I tell the little white lies to my spouse (no, your butt is not too big. that outfit looks great on you--very slimming* etc.) and sometimes when a pretty woman walks by I'll hear a statement like "Gawd! Those pants must be painted on" and I will feign innocence and say "what pants?" while cleaning my fingernails! We both know I saw, but se appreciates that I at least made an effort to acknowledge feelings. I once questioned about why it was that my spouse noticed -- I'll never do THAT again! However, looking at another person does NOT mean they care any less for you. If a woman thinks that her man is comparing her to other women, why do they assume that they come off as the least favored one? *Note to men: adding "very slimming" to comments about clothes can be very well received -- but make sure you know the woman well. An insecure woman will jump to the conclusion that she looks fat the rest of the time and you don't want to go there! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 3, 2004 Share Posted February 3, 2004 Originally posted by ILoveToToot i am teaching him to stop it. i want complete honesty. im demanding it. if he looks, i want to know, he has yet to admit it, but i know he does it. You are treating this man like a child, and it is extremely unhealthy--I mean that, in a relationship, if the woman assumes a parental role, and needs to condescend herself in order to interact with the man, the relationship is UNHEALTHY. Unfortunately, you don't have some natural right to the thoughts inside your man's head--and it's your ACTIONS, not your desires that are "teaching" him to lie. His white lies are a response to your excessive "teaching" (Read: Control) He knows just as I know that if he told you every time he had impure thoughts, it would NOT make you okay with it, you're just saying that (It's not that he did it, it's that he liiieeedddd ) -- Maybe you've tricked yourself into thinking this, but no man would ever buy that. Link to post Share on other sites
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