Does everyone in LDR feel like this?

[stace79]

I just returned Monday night from a wonderful long weekend visiting my bf. While there were some minor disagreements, the weekend was great for both of us. We both felt good about our R and the time we spent together. There was even an issue with his car on Friday, which cost him a lot of money and made him late to pick me up at the airport, but we both handled the stress really well.

 

Now, I've been home for less than 48 hours, and I'm already feeling insecure about our relationship again. I keep thinking of how warm he was when I was leaving, and he is making an effort to take initiative with communication. For example, he texted me "I love you" yesterday afternoon, and he called me last night to chat before bed. I have absolutely no reason to doubt this R right now, but I just feel so disconnected from him.

 

Is it normal for LDRs? Is that just the downside? That even though you know nothing has changed and your partner still loves you, you just feel less secure because you're not getting to see them every day? It's driving me nuts.

[aerogurl87]

That's how I felt in the beginning, but as time progresses and my boyfriend and I discuss the future together I feel more and more secure even though he's not here. Is there something your boyfriend could do that would make you feel more secure in your relationship? Do you wish he'd communicate with you more? If the answer is yes then tell him.

[nemi26]

yup i think its natural to worry like that, im an overall worryaholic haha, i worry way too much, family, friends and teachers all say same..

 

i hate it, but i do worry about our relationship, i'm scared time apart will make us fade but i try look to that where it can make us strong also, theirs positives and negatives about everything in life to be honest, really looking forward to being in his arms again looking into his eyes, some days it feels like not long to go, others it just feels like years away.. its really hard with lack of communication, but i know hes a busy beeee working in America

[stace79]

That's how I felt in the beginning, but as time progresses and my boyfriend and I discuss the future together I feel more and more secure even though he's not here. Is there something your boyfriend could do that would make you feel more secure in your relationship? Do you wish he'd communicate with you more? If the answer is yes then tell him.

 

Yes, I do wish he would communicate more, and he has started doing that. He naturally doesn't need as much communication as I do, but thankfully he's been open to fulfilling my need in that area.

 

yup i think its natural to worry like that, im an overall worryaholic haha, i worry way too much, family, friends and teachers all say same..

 

i hate it, but i do worry about our relationship, i'm scared time apart will make us fade but i try look to that where it can make us strong also, theirs positives and negatives about everything in life to be honest, really looking forward to being in his arms again looking into his eyes, some days it feels like not long to go, others it just feels like years away.. its really hard with lack of communication, but i know hes a busy beeee working in America

 

You are exactly right -- we are both in the same state in the U.S. but it's a seven-hour drive and not a cheap flight. He and I are both busy with work, so you are right, it is hard to communicate as much as we'd like. Plus we have a one-hour time difference, and his work day starts much earlier than mine, so our sleep schedules are different, too.

 

I am glad I am not the only one who felt this way!

[carvidep]

Yeah, I think you're just fine. It was like that before and after both of my visits with my SO (we've been a "thing" since Dec 2008 or so), but it slowly got easier and easier the more he and I talked about it. Now, by some miracle, I have absolutely no worries about us! Like your SO, he picked up on the communication which I thought was lacking, and now he almost contacts me more often than I contact him!

[Spiritofnow]

Yeah, I think you're just fine. It was like that before and after both of my visits with my SO (we've been a "thing" since Dec 2008 or so), but it slowly got easier and easier the more he and I talked about it. Now, by some miracle, I have absolutely no worries about us! Like your SO, he picked up on the communication which I thought was lacking, and now he almost contacts me more often than I contact him!

 

I also agree with the general consensus on here. I felt like you have described for some time at the beginning of our relationship, but as time has moved on that has eased up for me. The frequency of our communication changes and shifts around, and sometimes I feel like we get stuck in a rut with the mediums we use to communicate and how we communicate with each other, but we always discuss things and we both ultimately want the other person to feel like their needs are being met. Seems like you are doing that for each other.

 

Just always be mindful to be as honest with him as you feel comfortable with and don't be afraid to ask for what you may need, because the distance can magnify your feelings at times.

 

How you feel is perfectly normal and reasonable under the circumstances, and it will get better.

 

Note: seems to me from a lot of the posts I have read that men seem to deal with the distance less emotionally, and seem to manage with less communication than women - I am going to research this - seems there are some gender differences going on.

[nemi26]

Yes, I do wish he would communicate more, and he has started doing that. He naturally doesn't need as much communication as I do, but thankfully he's been open to fulfilling my need in that area.

 

 

 

You are exactly right -- we are both in the same state in the U.S. but it's a seven-hour drive and not a cheap flight. He and I are both busy with work, so you are right, it is hard to communicate as much as we'd like. Plus we have a one-hour time difference, and his work day starts much earlier than mine, so our sleep schedules are different, too.

 

I am glad I am not the only one who felt this way!

 

well his day is 8-5 or 7 and our time difference is 5 hours, so after work its like midnight for me, i rarely sleep cos i feel bad not texting back (i always wake in the middle of the night between 2-3 and then 4-5 always!) but other night i was up 2-4 texting but then cudnt sleep till about 5 30 and had to be up for 6 30 damn! but hes worth it.. it annoys me we cant communicate much but then on other hand i dont want to feel a pest, he should be enjoyin his camp america experience, i feel really bad..i do tell him all time, are you sure? shall we try not contactin at all to see if we do want this? he rejected that, i only offered him it because i thought hed want it and make him happy, cos i want him to be happy.