How can rebound relationships work in our favor?

[Username37]

Basically what the title says.

 

How?

[GrayClouds]

Are you thinking that they are learning some new moves in the bed and finally doing that one thing they would never do with you. That way if they do come back and you can keep from thinking about them with the other, their new talents will "work in you favor"?

 

Or did you mean if you see the fact that this person was so shallow and cared so little about the realtionship that it helps you let go and move "work in you favor"?

 

I suggest you leaning towards the latter.

[ALombard]

Lets see...

 

Well from what I have experienced and have read. Rebounds rarely last that long. In saying that I do NOT want any of you thinking that this will work in your favor because as Grayclouds said, you're ex is selfish and self centered to jump into a relationship right away, especially if they are the dumper. So how about you all just let go of those thoughts and just move on. Think about it would you really want someone back who could so easily move on from you? NO!

[LoveTruthChaos]

Think about it would you really want someone back who could so easily move on from you? NO!

 

No....I just want him to suffer

[Ilovecake]

you're ex is selfish and self centered to jump into a relationship right away

 

I don't understand how having a rebound relationship is selfish and self centered? I mean aren't we selfish and self centered in all relationships? Don't we get into relationships for self centered reasons like wanting to be loved? Isn’t wanting to know how a rebound affects you selfish and self centered? Selfish and self centered (which is the same thing) isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think more people need to stop thinking about what someone who is no longer in their life is doing and start concentrating on themselves instead.

[Ilovecake]

In my book there's no such thing as "rebounds." The person is either right for you or they're not. It's that simple. And I find nothing wrong with being quick to "move on." Why waste time? We only have one life.

 

300% agree. I think the dumpees use the idea of rebounds to make themselves feel better about their ex dating someone else. You're belittling the new relationship by labeling it as something transitory therefore less special than what you had with the person.

[jlr]

ILoveCake and BondGirl: Rebounds aren't good and are selfish, because you're taking your baggage to a new person without dealing with your grief. You're just using that other person to help you get through that pain. This is why they usually don't work out. It's not a good thing to do to another person, and it's not a good thing to do to yourself. The healthy move would be to sort out your feelings and just be you for a while, before taking on another relationship. Relationships are a big deal. They involve alot of work. When they end, you need time to unravel all of that.

 

I'm talking about long relationships, here. I suppose if you dated someone for a month, it wouldn't be a big deal if you went on to something else soon after.

 

But if you're with someone for five years, live with them, etc. And then you break up, you both need proper time to sort that out in your mind.

 

And statistically, rebounds just don't work. There's a reason for that. And it can be cruel to the other person who isn't aware they're just there to help you heal a broken heart.

[Ilovecake]

Ok what if you start a rebound relationship and you fall madly in love is that still a rebound? Where is that line? Where does a rebound become a rebound and when odes it stop being a rebound. I'm sorry but I have never met anyone who has actually had a rebound relationship, you either have a relationship or you don't. I know several people who have married someone within months after ending a long term relationship and they are perfectly happy and in love. So did they marry the rebound or the one? Who decides when a relationship is real and when it's a rebound? The only people I know that talk about rebounds are the people trying to get over being dumped and trying to deal with their ex dating again. I really do not believe in their existance.

 

I agree the healthiest thing is to be able to spend time alone after a breakup but things aren't always that black and white.

[jlr]

I never said they NEVER work out or last, I said they usually don't.

 

I've known several people who've had rebound relationships, who've described them as just that, as a stepping stone from one thing to another.

 

Obviously, if it works out, and they marry the "rebound", then well, good for them.

 

I've also known people who did marry the person who many called a rebound, and then got divorced. Or who dated a while, but in the end didn't think it was "the one" either.

 

It depends on the person.

 

But there are certain people who are prone to having rebounds. These are people who don't deal with themselves or their problems, and jump from one person to the next, in a series of rebounds. I've known people like that as well.

 

So, sure, it depends.

 

But to say that rebound relationships don't exist....perhaps you haven't been around long enough, or you're just surrounded by a healthy group of people.

[jlr]

and no offense, but it sort of sounds like you are super defensive about the term. Have people accused you of this or something?

[TwoForgiving]

How can it work to your advantage?

 

They're so busy and excited with the new person that they completely ignore you and don't contact you - giving you time to heal and move on from the relationship. When their rebound ends, you've moved on and may even have found someone new and you don't have a care for them in the least.

 

That's the advantage to you! Because if that person thought you were the best they would never have walked away from you in the first place and would have fought and worked for the relationship. Now they can suffer the same as you finally realizing what they lost.

 

Not trying to be being flippant - just realistic.

[wendigo]

I agree that there is really is no such thing as rebound. Rebound could be classed as any relationship that comes after the last one regardless of whether it is successful or not.

 

So what ever happens in the next relationship whether it works or not is completely down to chance on who you meet and whether or not you take it any further because you feel it is worth continuing in whatever way that be, fwb all the way to marriage and everything in between.

 

So interms of benefits of a rebound working for you I think it depends on your frame of mind and heart when you are entering it and also again, it is down to chance as to who/what you experience.

 

So, in the case of my ex-ex-ex, but 6 months later he married someone else after being engaged to me for 3 years (still married). I guess it worked for him.

 

Or for me, one of my rebounds led to months of being messed around and being terribly hurt and cheated on whilst I was desperate with low self-esteem and felt my worth was exemplified in the way he treated me. So - there is no straight answer to this question really, but I guess you kinda knew that.

 

I think it is a term often focused on by way of softening the painful or uncomfortable truth - the painful truth is - is that if your ex has gone off with someone else, or your latest 'rebound' didn't work out, that's a message to you that you are not the one for them or them for you right now, so you'd better do something that is FOR YOU right now that does not involve them... whatever that may be

 

What happens next is another story....

[jlr]

Wow, I dont' agree with any of that. Relationships are not a lot of work if they're right. No such thing as rebounds. When you meet the right person you meet the right person and sometimes THEY can help you sort things out. I guess some of us can let go of old baggage faster than others.

You don't agree that relationships don't take work? I find that strange. All relationships take work. Even the best, longest lasting ones. Whether it's romantic, friendship, family. If a relationship doesn't take work, maybe it's not that deep. Or, maybe you're extremely lucky, and if so, then that's rad. But that's not how it works for most people. And I don't believe that a new person should help you sort out your issues. I believe a person should do that for themselves. You shouldn't depend on someone else for that.

Who says? I didn't. It didn't work out. I left. I moved on. Simple. Why do people complicate things.

 

This leads me to believe you don't feel things that deeply. Sorry. But being with someone for 9 years as you stated, and then you say so matter of factly that "It didn't work. I left. I moved on. Simple." Sounds like you're talking about tossing away a broken stereo. Love shouldn't be that simple. "Why do people complicate things"? Because life is complicated. It just is. Anything that really means something in life is complicated. And I don't even mean that in bad way. I just mean that things have layers of depth to them.

 

Was with ex-H for 9 years (married for 3) met current H 3 days after leaving ex. Just celebrated 15 years of a happy marriage.

 

I think that's great. Congrats on 15 years. That's awesome. But, I wouldn't advise anyone I know to get involved with someone after 3 days of leaving their ex of 9 years. Frankly, I've never known anyone who did that or thought it was a good idea.

 

 

To each his own though.