Would you accept casual Drug use in a relationship?

[BlackLovely]

Nope.

 

As a former addict, I have hard boundaries on this one.

 

Drinking is OK, but absolutely no drugs.

 

Um, isn't alcohol addictive too? I'm only asking because all of the addicts in recovery that I know, don't even drink.

[GK71]

This is only my second post on here, but I feel like I have ample experience in my short life. When I was in high school, I wrestled at a weight class where I had to cut around 20-25 pounds weekly to make weight. To help with energy, I did a lot of blow. To help get the blow, I moved a bunch of product for a friend of a friend. I ended up quitting cold turkey when I had a gun pointed at my head, and the guy pulled the trigger. Luckily, he was too ****ed out of his mind to chamber a round, so I escaped with my life.

 

But I digress. Now, I'm 23 years old, a bartender who drinks a lot, and I've recently gotten back into coke recreationally. The coke has been within the past two weeks. The second I sobered up, I immediately let my girlfriend know, along with my brother and my former counselor, who's one of my best friends, so they can monitor it so it doesn't get to be a serious problem.

 

If my girlfriend came to me and told me she was doing drugs on occasion, in a safe environment, and not spending her rent money on things, then I would have no problem with it. However, if she suddenly dropped 25 pounds and couldn't pay her bills, then we'd have an issue. I know she doesn't like my drug use, nor my drinking, but I make around $700 a week, and I spend maybe $100 of that one booze and blow. She knows the important things in my life (her, my family, and my non-bartending job), and she accepts it as long as I'm open and honest with her about it.

 

If the people in the relationship are open and honest, and it isn't causing serious problems (doing despicable things for drugs or alcohol), then I don't think it is a deal breaker at all in a relationship.

[Confused728]

GK here the whole story at this link

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206477/

[SummerLady]

Only weed. Anything beyond that is a big no. I have been down that road before and I do not want to go down it again.

 

 

I dated someone that smoke weed constantly. It was draining. He was successful, employed and well liked but at the end of the day weed was his savior. I did not like it and ended the realtionship. He was way overboard with it.

[health]

I don't know why people think Drnking is okay. Alcohol is actually one of the most toxic drugs there is. People can get major panic attacks and aniexty off weed too. I would not date someone into drugs. Also second hand smoke can kill you.

[robaday]

I'd be interested to know what the demographic on Loveshack is because Im surprised by so many people being soo against it. Ive used drugs for most of my life (infrequently now). Id say 60-70% of my high school friends used drugs, and I'd say at least 30% still do.

 

Out of the crowd I hung out with at university I reckon 60% did when I first met them. Those who were against them at 18, had started to "use" coke, cannabis etc by the time they were 21 bringing the total up to say 70% of people of my age (late twenties) using drugs at some stage of their adulthood.

 

Which means really there's very few people out there who haven't at some stage used them.....and most still do. I think to rule out casual drug use would rule out about 30-40% of women my age.

 

Ive dated a few women in the past who couldn't hold their booze and would start trouble. Ive also dated women on ecstacy who danced all night and gave me lovely hugs. Coke sex was the best ive ever had. Ive yet to encounter an aggressive stoner.....

 

Im not defending drug use, in its extreme its horrific. But casual infrequent drug use in my experience is no worse than alcohol.

[Joe Normal]

what I truly don't understand is why people think drink is better than smoking weed.

 

Because one is illegal and you can go to jail for a long time if you get raided because your SO has a bunch of pot in your home.

 

Personally I would date a social drinker, a smoker (but she'd have to be a super catch), and that's it. No weed, no coke, and definitely no hard stuff.

[LuckyClover]

There's a time and a place for most. Moderation in all. You're better off finding someone that doesn't do anything that alters their way of thinking but at the same time some of the truest most genuine people take substance to help them relax or enhance a fun evening. I like to smoke pot when I write music.. It helps me feel what I'm writing better, but I don't need it and don't do it often just because I don't like my slow reactions I have in public. Popin' pain pills motivates me mostly but I don't want to be an addict so I just leave um alone. Meth feels amazing, but I've seen what it does to peoples health and destroys families so I'd rather not. LCD is just plain crazy. And that's about all I know about drugs. Alcohol is horrible and I'd rather be a meth head just because I think alcochol is just as addictive and does the same thing to their heath and family, but meth feels better. Even though I've done these things I'd rather my SO doesn't do any of them. But I don't want someone that will leave me if I decide to dabble in it again for fun either. I'd understand as long as it doesn't get out of hand.

[User No 9]

Weed is okay if you got that right "weed personality" which is, well.. just come to Cali ;P

 

My take is all the people against it are the ones who have issues of their own, and can't themselves be stoners. So if you can't, we can't. Because, all smoking does is make you relax and think about what's in front of you. If you don't like what you see you won't enjoy smoking.

 

 

I seen it all.. I supposed I'm one of the liberal 420 friendly people of the world.. ;P

 

 

But, I get why most women wouldn't want it.. the association to 'those kind of people'.

 

But, some guys are actually kinda 'good boys' who just do bad things, and if a girl is cool with that, it's sort of 'fun' and just adds that little dimension to our measly 70 or so years on this earth.

[murphomatic]

I guess weed and alcohol are ok ... but the key here is MODERATION.

 

Just got out of a relationship with an alcoholic who moved into recovery and quit drinking - but she smoked weed CONSTANTLY. And when she didn't have a pipe in her mouth and the high wore off, the real bitch came out. Honestly, I think that in the cases where people use these two drugs and have no ability to moderate their usage, this is a sign of a deeper problem. I suspect my ex was very much bi-polar, and she self-medicated with booze to begin with. When the booze started to prove that it was completely destroying her life (and body & soul), she quit using that, and shifted to all-weed, all-the-time, which completely destroyed her motivation and ability to focus on stuff that needed her attention.

 

I don't really drink, and I smoke herb every now and then ... but I would NEVER want to repeat that nightmare. Yikes...

[veggirl]

No I don't think I would. I suppose it depends on what "casual" means though. Smokes weed once a month? Okay. Anything else is a big no. I hung out w/ a guy who smoked weed daily and it was SO annoying. He was always stoned it seemed and I don't know how many times I heard "okay hold on, let me just smoke real quick" or something of that nature. Irritating.

[Truthseeker-John]

Nope.

 

As a former addict, I have hard boundaries on this one.

 

Drinking is OK, but absolutely no drugs.

Alcohol is a drug and for some people it can become as or more powerful than other drugs and it can and does kill.

[Truthseeker-John]

Weed is okay if you got that right "weed personality" which is, well.. just come to Cali ;P

 

My take is all the people against it are the ones who have issues of their own, and can't themselves be stoners. So if you can't, we can't. Because, all smoking does is make you relax and think about what's in front of you. If you don't like what you see you won't enjoy smoking.

I used to smoke it and found that with just the right amount, I could think more clearly and in a linear fashion, instead of my thoughts going around in circles. It was also good for sex as well as being able to relax and relate to people generally. But like most things, too much of it isn't good and if I smoked too much I would forget what I was thinking about! lol

 

I know some guys who smoke skunk every day all day long and their minds have gone - they join dots that are not really related and I have to be careful what I say to them because they often get the wrong context.

 

 

My apologies to the mods for the many re-edits of this post - I'm sort of word dyslexic as I often get my words the wrong way around.

Edited November 22, 2010 by Truthseeker-John

[rakodako]

It really depends on the guy or girl. I know people who have healthy and happy marriages whoa re professionals and they casually smoke weed now and then but then again...

 

some people are different and have drug pasts and take things to the next level. I would watch out for warning signs of abuse/ characteristics of drug addicts and be careful.

[rakodako]

for sure. Me too. I would only accept GREENLAND

[Hades]

I was just wondering if anyone would allow casual drug use in a relationship. I was thinking about what i want in future relationships and I dont think i would even tolerate even casual drug use. is their anyone here that feels the same or different? explain why

 

I smoked weed, snorted cocaine and popped prescription pills with my ex while he was active in his drug addiction. I realize I did this in an attempt to bond with him. There are plenty of other ways to build intimacy in a relationship. Bad, bad idea.

[sally4sara]

For me it is dependent on what the substance is, how much, and how frequently their drug use exhibits.

 

I was married to a drunk. So I won't bother with people who drink often, to excess, or don't react well to even a few drinks. I'm such a light weight myself that I can't even drink a sixer of cider without wanting to deck someone and puking.

I'm not going to be put off by a guy who smokes a jay every once in a blue moon either. I've smoked weed. It wasn't a big deal and I won't say I'd never do it again. It just isn't a priority for me. But no thanks to a frequent user because I just find buying often it to be frivolous and risky.

[jenifer1972]

I don't get how a lot of people want to know nothing of their partners' sexual pasts when, who knows, they could have banged 50 strangers, but a bit of pot is a dealbreaker... Although it is probably different posters. How about if the sexual past is the past and none of my business, what about drug use?? I think it is my right to know both if I am embarking on an intimste relationship with someone.

[trinity1]

I'd be interested to know what the demographic on Loveshack is because Im surprised by so many people being soo against it. Ive used drugs for most of my life (infrequently now). Id say 60-70% of my high school friends used drugs, and I'd say at least 30% still do.

 

Out of the crowd I hung out with at university I reckon 60% did when I first met them. Those who were against them at 18, had started to "use" coke, cannabis etc by the time they were 21 bringing the total up to say 70% of people of my age (late twenties) using drugs at some stage of their adulthood.

 

Which means really there's very few people out there who haven't at some stage used them.....and most still do. I think to rule out casual drug use would rule out about 30-40% of women my age.

 

Ive dated a few women in the past who couldn't hold their booze and would start trouble. Ive also dated women on ecstacy who danced all night and gave me lovely hugs. Coke sex was the best ive ever had. Ive yet to encounter an aggressive stoner.....

 

Im not defending drug use, in its extreme its horrific. But casual infrequent drug use in my experience is no worse than alcohol.

 

If you can keep it to casual. I couldn't. I fell in love with speed. I felt like something missing finally was in place inside. Before it started messing with my head. I haven't touched it since 1986.

[trinity1]

I don't get how a lot of people want to know nothing of their partners' sexual pasts when, who knows, they could have banged 50 strangers, but a bit of pot is a dealbreaker... Although it is probably different posters. How about if the sexual past is the past and none of my business, what about drug use?? I think it is my right to know both if I am embarking on an intimste relationship with someone.

 

Totally agree with this.

[trinity1]

I smoked weed, snorted cocaine and popped prescription pills with my ex while he was active in his drug addiction. I realize I did this in an attempt to bond with him. There are plenty of other ways to build intimacy in a relationship. Bad, bad idea.

 

I stopped drinking instead, because I realized every time I would buy home a couple of beers my SO would go on a drinking boot for days.

[stupidgurl]

That is sort of ironic when you look at your screen name.

 

 

That's EXACTLY what I was thinking!

[Tayla]

I don't get how a lot of people want to know nothing of their partners' sexual pasts when, who knows, they could have banged 50 strangers, but a bit of pot is a dealbreaker... Although it is probably different posters. How about if the sexual past is the past and none of my business, what about drug use?? I think it is my right to know both if I am embarking on an intimste relationship with someone.

 

a "right" ??? nah sunshine that is just plain wrong. You don't get to have the persons Medical history, There are laws protecting that. You do have the right at any time in life to walk away from someone or learn to respect their right to privacy.

 

As for the original question , I can proudly say I am a hypocrite for the next line. Since I smoke cigs (nicotine) , I do draw the line at hard drugs ( like Nicotine isnt eh???), and drink coffee ( ahhh caffeine), so no I wouldnt hang or be in the same company of a "casual" coke tokker, arm shooter, pot huffer or *social * drinker. Ya see , my logic is, if I am in the company of someone who doesnt like my smoking, I respect there right to breath clean air and I think I can ask that they not splash beer on me, huff pot in my direction or choose to be incoherent because its just a "casual" Fix. I admit to my *cough* *choke*...ahhh *CASUAL* enjoyment of cigs and coffee but I also know I live among others and they have a right to an environment that is devoid of the affacts....Ive even dated guys that outright made it a rule- no smoking no drinking and I respected that. But to be a social snob and outcast someone is less then appealing as I know we each have our demons to endure be they casual or not.......

[Tayla]

Um, isn't alcohol addictive too? I'm only asking because all of the addicts in recovery that I know, don't even drink.

 

Alcoholism is a disease, progressive in its stages and ends in death , jail or the lulu bin. Liver damage/heart damage/kidney malfunctions. Alcohol impairs the brain and thus the thought process is *disabled* and poor choices are made more randomly and sporadicaly.

 

Think of addiction as having a cold, cured or lessened thru time.

A disease, remains and can flair up or go into remission. But one can get rid of a cold, one cant or rarely can get rid of a disease....

 

Alcohol actually has some postives in the human body, wine -antioxins for stomach and intestinal. As with most things, its moderation. HEck even red meat isnt good yet we are carnivores via nature.

 

Pot for glucoma, ANd I have yet to meet and know of a recovering person who didnt have dual or multiple addictions, the difference is they are recovering and no longer practicing in "casual" fix's....

 

Amen to the poster who mentioned- Rather to be with a *former* then one who is the tea tottler, Been there , loved it and glad to be beyond it.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I wouldn't care if my girl drank or smoked a little weed