My brother is an abuser

[Dina06Holmes]

He does it to others (I heard an ex broke up with him because he hit her), never pays people on time, owns money, drinks, smokes pot and has been getting into trouble with the law many times already.

Will he ever changed and see how his behavior is affecting both me and my mother.

Or I'm I asking too much and it's too late now (he's 21, two year younger than me)?

At the same time I feel responsible for what he'd become. We already talked about this many time and he stills blames it on me saying I made him that way.

Edited July 2, 2010 by Dina06Holmes

[SouthernSunshine]

He does it to others (I heard an ex broke up with him because he hit her), never pays people on time, owns money, drinks, smokes pot and has been getting into trouble with the law many times already.

Will he ever changed and see how his behavior is affecting both me and my mother.

Or I'm I asking too much and it's too late now (he's 21, two year younger than me)?

At the same time I feel responsible for what he'd become. We already talked about this many time and he stills blames it on me saying I made him that way.

 

 

That's what losers do, place blame on others for their own actions. I wouldn't worry about him. If he wants to be a loser.. so be it! My only concern would be for the women he beats on.

[Dina06Holmes]

My only concern would be for the women he beats on.

For the meantime he's single and women tend not to stay with him for more than 3 months (his recent date only lasted for 1 week). I think they already sense something within him.

 

I've heard women will stay longer with the bad man but it isn't working with my brother. It's like no one wants him or if they do, they leave after a short time.

 

As for the blaming part, half of me does feel responsible. I should have been a better older sister but wasn't. If only I would go back in time, I would have probably save him from what he has become.

I have already tried apologizing for my treatment towards him in our early years (until after he turned 19 which he snapped and punched a wall, missing by about two inches where I was) but he didn't accepted it saying I should have known better.

Nothing will work no matter how much I have said I'm sorry nor initiate a normal sister/brother conversation. He hates me.

Edited July 2, 2010 by Dina06Holmes

[txsilkysmoothe]

Are you saying you were abusive to him?

 

What are your ages?

 

You didn't mention your father - was he a part of your lives and was he abusive to you, your brother, or your mother?

 

Bottom line, your brother has to be responsible for his actions. He is an adult now. It seems you have allowed him to blame you. I understand your guilt but in accepting responsibility, you are permitting him to continue blindly without analyzing his behavior and actions. You are not there when he hits women. You need to tell him that. Most of us, unfortunately, have been the victims of abuse or tragedy. Your brother needs to seek help, counseling, rehab, etc. to deal with his issues. You cannot do this for him.

[Dina06Holmes]

Are you saying you were abusive to him?

I was abusive to him when we were kids. I was 7 years old the first time I yelled and hit him. At the time I thought this was the only way to handle my frustrations and even stated how much I hate him during the abusive stage. I continued doing this in his teenage years, knowing he wouldn't do nothing. He was already bigger by the time he was 14 but I still abused him. This continue until that one day he snapped (a little after he turned 19). Luckily he hit the wall, hardly missing me by 2 inches (well I did ducked on time). He's become a complete monster by now and is worst than I was. I regretted deeply what everything I put him through during our youthful years and have changed since. He on the other hand shows no remorse for abusing his ex nor hurting others. He's always saying they all deserve it and how I made him that way, that he learned from me. Just few days ago he was telling things like I'm no longer weak, you can't control anymore and every time I see you, I just want to kill you, I hate you or I'll be cheering the day you die. Being now scared it becoming true, I said If you hate me so much and want to kill me, why don't you? and he ends up yelling I hate you many time along with throwing things around the house.

What are your ages?

Our present ages are 21 (him) and 23 (me).

You didn't mention your father - was he a part of your lives and was he abusive to you, your brother, or your mother?

He was never a part of our lives as I never knew him. It was just my brother, my mother, me and her new boyfriends. I have always been my mother's favorite child which is part of the reason my brother now resents me.

Bottom line, your brother has to be responsible for his actions. He is an adult now. It seems you have allowed him to blame you. I understand your guilt but in accepting responsibility, you are permitting him to continue blindly without analyzing his behavior and actions. You are not there when he hits women. You need to tell him that. Most of us, unfortunately, have been the victims of abuse or tragedy. Your brother needs to seek help, counseling, rehab, etc. to deal with his issues. You cannot do this for him.

No I'm not there when he hits women but I'm thinking of having him arrested if I see or heard he did it again. I feel like a hypocrite. I was his abuser and tormentor for years and yet I'm disgusted by his behavior and lack of remorse or concern for others. Edited July 19, 2010 by Dina06Holmes