Sari Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) I don't often come on the relationships bit of this site as I've only generally had need for the break-ups section . However! Two months after a pretty hefty break-up and I find myself quite attracted to my colleague at work. I actually always thought he was pretty nice but as I had a bf obviously I didn't pursue this. Now I think I would like to get to know him a little better outside of work, but I'm having a really hard time working out if he's romantically interested in me or not. Facts of the case - positives: Before I moved to his office I met him (I'll call him T) once, and apparently when T found out I would be moving to sit near him he was telling other people what a nice girl I was, apparently they all teased him about liking me and he laughed it off ("Yes, ok, I fancy her" in deadpan style apparently). I mentioned to him months later about him 'fancying' me and he replied that I shouldn't listen to everything xxxxx tells me - but it wasn't that person who told me! So he has mentioned me in this capacity to at least two separate people on two separate occasions. He teases me quite often which means that I have to respond either by teasing him back or play-fighting him (e.g. trying to wrestle his phone off him when he pretended to call someone I was gossiping about), and whenever there is an opportunity for us to touch he always takes it (touches my hand when passing documents, resting his hand on my back when talking the other day), and we had a v weird arms touching for about 10 seconds when looking at a document the other day, neither of us backed off! He has told me 3 times in the last week that he thinks I look 'very nice', apropos of nothing (yes I have been dressing up at work this week!). When it was just me and him in the office together a colleague came in and made a joke about T wanting it to be just me and him in the office and he looked right at me, smiled and said 'yes'...! He told me today that I have an excellent vocabulary, even better than his (trying to be cocky/teasing/complimentary all in one fell swoop?), and then pointed out that he had now given me two compliments today... He's always looking in to my eyes when we speak, sometimes for a bit too long...! All sounds good huh? Facts of the case - negative: Today it was just the two of us in the office all day and he ended up booking the afternoon off to see his friend who is visiting from overseas - he said he'd tried to get Wednesday off initially so I don't think it was purposely to avoid me but he was umming and ahhing about going because he has loads of work to do - he ended up going. Surely if he liked me he would've jumped at the chance to spend as much alone time with me as possible? Also we are going for work drinks tonight and he said he 'may pop in' - again surely if he was interested he would definitely come? Although his friend is only here for a couple of weeks and T feels he is neglecting him already... A few weeks ago when I was still quite break-up bluesy I was thinking of going to the cinema but had no one to go with so I asked him right at the end of the day (I didn't phrase it romantically and this was before any heavy-duty flirting had gone on) and he told me he was busy seeing friends - he didn't suggest another night but tbh it didn't even seem to register that I was 'asking him out' it was almost like I'd asked him if he wanted a cup of tea or something! But still... Last week he said that he was going out that evening and I suggested he come to meet me and my friends in a bar, he told me he was v low on $$$ and this bar is expensive, I know that he is very very poor at the moment and the bar wasn't really his scene anyway but still... This morning we were v v flirty with each other (bit of physical contact, lots of teasing) and having some quite lengthy chats about nothing, then I kind of pushed it a little bit further, mentioning that he had stopped me seeing a guy who was pursuing me last week. I told T that because he had told me that I looked nice on Friday that I had decided not to do anything with this guy as he was a sleazy creep (texting me creepy sex-stuff basically) and I felt I could do better than someone just using me for sex and talking to me disrespectfully. T just sort of flustered and blustered a bit and busied himself with papers, I can't really remember his reaction cos I was all jangly and nervous about what I had just said... arrrgghh... Anyway, I'm really confused now. I thought after certain signs that he did like me, but now I just don't know. It all feels a bit 'he's just not that in to you' when I think about it but when we are together I know I don't imagine the way he looks at me or talks to me. I know this is going to sound dreadful but I do think that I am traditionally quite a lot better looking than him and I have been told that I am very pretty, he is not so classically attractive but more than has the personality and little quirks to make up for it... also he's not that experienced with girls from what I can gather... maybe he is very shy? I called him arrogant earlier (kind-of joking but also kind-of as a begrudged compliment) and he seemed surprised and pleased, but I think maybe he's quite shy, he's quite skinny and a bit spotty (I know he sounds hot huh? But I like him so )... Gaaah!! Anyone have any words of wisdom/insights/similar experiences/guy-view? Apologies for the essay and many thanks if you have reached the bottom without just skimming! PS I am 28, he's 24, I know I sound about 14 in this post but I have not been single for 4.5 years and it's turning out to be a bit of a head-f***! Edited July 2, 2010 by Sari Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 I don't often come on the relationships bit of this site as I've only generally had need for the break-ups section . However! Two months after a pretty hefty break-up and I find myself quite attracted to my colleague at work. I actually always thought he was pretty nice but as I had a bf obviously I didn't pursue this. Now I think I would like to get to know him a little better outside of work, but I'm having a really hard time working out if he's romantically interested in me or not. *snip* ok, I can disregard the rest of your post as it is irrelvant. break up with your bf. THEN worry about whether this other guy likes you. either that or tell your bf everything you told us and see if he thinks this other guy is in to you:rolleyes: get real. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 *snip* ok, I can disregard the rest of your post as it is irrelvant. break up with your bf. THEN worry about whether this other guy likes you. either that or tell your bf everything you told us and see if he thinks this other guy is in to you:rolleyes: get real. Dex, she said in the quote you snipped that she already broke up with her ex two months ago. Sari, I think he does like you, but he's not ready or willing to act on it. Maybe being broke has something to do with it - guys like to be able to take a girl out. If I were you, I'd continue flirting and see where it goes. You broke up 2 months ago, so I'm guessing it wouldn't hurt you to wait a bit. Don't talk to him about other guys or other dates, though. Just continue to be yourself and if he likes you enough, eventually he'll work up the nerve to ask you out. You can ask him again, but be a bit more obvious that it's him you are interested in, not the movie. Maybe invite him to have lunch - that's easy and inexpensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) Dex, she said in the quote you snipped that she already broke up with her ex two months ago. well dammit, you are right. My bad Sari!! It read that you broke up with someone and had a bf when developing feelings for this coworker. misread it. so unless I'm missing something else, I guess I wondered why it was posted in this section. I know it says "Flirting" in the forum title, but I always regarded this section more as the "Cheating" Section as its the first word in the title. Edited July 2, 2010 by Dexter Morgan Link to post Share on other sites
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