littlelisa30 Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 So my husband wants me back. I ignored him at first but just yesterday we went to counseling together. Here is the short version of what happened. 3 weeks ago, out of the blue he came home and told me he wanted a divorce. He was acting distant/irritiable for a week prior to this. I was shocked and devastated but didn't let him know that. He spent two weeks torturing me with saying horrible things about me and our relationship. I found out he was spending a lot of time with his coworker's stepdaughter who was going thru a divorce. Apparently they just had so much in common because she left her husband becuase he was abusive and controlling and he left his "controlling' wife. Two days after we split (he moved out that night) they were kissing eachother and about a week and a half she asked him to spend the night. They slept outside on the porch in a hammock. According to them both nothing happened. They went out on what you could call dates I guess- she took him to see her dad on father's day and they went shopping together, went out to eat once and took walks in the park. He claimed (and still does) that they weren't dating. They were just opposite sex friends who kissed and hugged. That they'd never talked about anything sexual adn she started the kissing and he liked the attention. He says she told him BEFORE he left me (they met each other to talk the day before he left me) that they would NEVER date because she is going thru a difficult divorce but they would always be friends. I went against everyone's advise and contacted HER last week and told her (thru email) about how my husband was going over to see her and hanging out with her and running back and forth between the two of us. Told her how we'd have sex and that he'd told me they weren't dating and I was sorry (not really) because if I'd known they were together I wouldn't have slept with him. She suprisingly wrote back. She told me what happened between the two of them (that they hadn't slept together) but had gone out and that she'd bonded with him over their talks of their exes. She'd thought they had a lot in common but admitted that a lot of what he said about me seemed exagerated. Said she didn't want to be in the middle adn that they weren't dating, just hanging out and yes they did kiss and he did spend the night. She was slightly angry saying I shouldn't have allowed him to use me that way and that he thought he could use her too and he was wrong because she was the player not him. She said we should be friends. Hmm. very weird. I told her what he'd told me about her and emailed me again and told me she told him to get lost and I should too. My husband says she never told him to get lost, that she'd sort of stopped talking to him a few days before I sent the email anyway. He was NOT mad at me for telling her everything. Just said he didn't care and why did I think it would make him mad? Deep down I was hoping he'd be so angry at me he'd never speak to me again! he seems totally fine that she's gone. Its just such a strange situation. And then she sent me a "Friend request" on facebook and I was curious so I accepted it. Turns out she's been seriously dating some guy who lives a few states away (the guy she ran off with right after my husband left me and she disappeared for a week and not even her own daughter heard from her) all over her facebook page (which is private) is this guy professing his love to her and her saying she loves him and wants to marry him when she's free. (she's in the middle of her divorce- moved out but not final yet) this goes back much farther than three weeks ago. You can track that on the days she blew my husband off she was with this other guy (he drove down to see her) she mentions going to the park with my husband in one post (not by name) says it was relaxing and nice to talk to someone who knew what she was going thru. SO she has a husband whose a soon-to-be ex, a boyfriend who she talks about running off to marry (and calls his daughter one of "her own") and then she's kissing and spending a night with my husband. What the hell!! Anyway, the time with the counselor went ok. The only thing that is bothering me is that he WON'T admit he left me to pursue this other woman. Won't admit that he even wanted to date her. Just says she had nothing to do with why he left me but she was someone to spend time with (and pay attention to him) since he was alone now. That he liked her company. But that I didn't have to worry about her ever talking to him again (because I sent that email) and he is fine with that. That he wasn't connected to her, or interested in dating her. Part of me wants to give him a 2nd chance. We are married after all but I have SO many doubts. Just not sure I feel the same way about him as I did. My love for him isnt' pure and unquestionable anymore. Now I'm jaded and I just don't feel the way I used to. We living separately (and no sex!) and just talk maybe once a day or spend a little time together. Going to the counselor once a week. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 I would continue counseling and he has to come clean let him know it can not be fixed with out the truth.If you want to see if it can work go to marriage counseling.He has to change and needs to earn your trust. you need to know he will not do this again and he has to comes clean.You may be able to work it out.Some can and some cant the ball is in your court now.Do what will be best for you and what makes you happy but as far as him he needs to know the lies are over and you are not a fool.Be true to your self Big hugs I hope the best for you Link to post Share on other sites
callalilly Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 I agree with scatterd. In addition, did he ever explain or apologize for all the false accusations he made against you? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 The only thing that is bothering me is that he WON'T admit he left me to pursue this other woman. Without that, above, you're only setting yourself up for another heartache. The next time, and there will be a next time, he will leave you permanently. His replacement for you, didn't pan out. But hey, that's ok, in his mind, because you are a good hearted woman that will take him back. Is this M worth saving? That's up to you to decide. He has admitted to doing no wrong. He's in the free and clear. Kissing her and wanting to have sex with her and spending the night with her is of no significance. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts