longlegzs80 Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 I know this is going to be a problem with me as far as the dating thing goes if I end up dating this new guy, but I was wondering how can I open up and be more affectionate? I don't know how to be affectionate? I am not the type of person who is all lovey dovey and likes the public affection, but I was wondering how can I learn to love and be affectionate with a partner? I am just thinking ahead for future reference. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 I'm curious as to why you want to change yourself, do you feel that not being affectionate is a problem? I'd hope that you had some sort of desire to be more affectionate, for your own sake, not just to please another person. You said yourself you're not an affectionate person. Plenty aren't, why should you be? Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Yes, be yourself and don't worry too much. Be open and if the feeling is right, you will be affectionate, up to your comfort zone, which is perfectly ok. If you have trouble opening up to INTIMACY, that's a different kettle of fish, and you could read through my thread on that very subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 4, 2004 Author Share Posted February 4, 2004 Way back when with my first boyfriend and then a guy I talked to last year who was greatly into me both told me at different times that I am not going to meet anyone with the way I am. And with both guys, I was not affectionate. I wasn't really attracted to either and one day when my boyfriend took me on a picnic in the park where it was 80 some degrees and very humid, he was all over me as we were laying on the blanket. Which I kinda pushed him away. And taht is when he said that, that I am not going to meet anyone with the way I am. It is suprising that something like that sticks with me, but it did. And then last year when I met this other guy and he was interested in me and wanted dating and being affectionate all the time, and I would not have it, he said that I will not meet anyone with the way I am. I am just straight up not affectionate. I have never really had anyone display any affection with me. And the guy last year was so aggressive and just basically wanted me for sex. And I did not like that. Of course I never did anything with him because he made me sick. He knew I was not the type of person who was all lovey dovey. But whatever. I just don't want to hear that. I am not an affectionate person and find it very hard to be affectionate. So, if 2 guys have had a problem in the past because of it, then I will have a really really hard time dating because I am not affectionate unless I am truely truely attracted to the guy. So, I don't want to change myself totally, but I think I could use some tips on how to be just alittle affectionate. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Be open to affection and to being affectionate. BUT I really think that when you are really attracted to someone, it will come naturally to you. Don't try to hard to force things...and it you aren't really touchy feely, so be it. I used to dislike guys wanting to smother me with affection, when I really wasn't into them. I am very affectionate with my guy now, because I love him very much and feel safe. In some relationships in the past, I was not as affectionate because the feeling was not the same. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 he said that I will not meet anyone with the way I am. He's a jackass. My mother's just like you, and she met my dad, who's just like her. They love each other, they just aren't lovey dovey. Plenty of men are the same way, I'd almost say it's a more masculine trait than a feminine one. The more effort you go to change yourself to be more attractive, the more you will find yourself attracting people whom you are incompatible with. When you change yourself, do it because you want to. Don't take the two men who've had this problem as a demographic for all future relationships. If a guy-friend said that he was into (insert opposite haircolor here) would you dye your hair, assuming that you are happy with your haircolor, and thinking that all men are like this one? Link to post Share on other sites
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