Ex gf willing to try again, but not right now.

[thehappyclam]

My ex gf of almost 4 years broke up with me 4 months ago. After some initial contacts, I did not contact her in anyway for at least 3 months. Out of the blue, she e-mailed me and asked me to call her to talk as friends, to which I replied, I can't talk to you, I'm trying to move on. A few weeks later, she looked up my phone number online and called me. I said the same thing: I can't just be friend with you. It would prevent me from moving on.

 

We got to talking more and more that week. Every night, we talked for about an hour. I think it rekindled some feelings in both me and her. Although I have moved on a lot emotionally, I still really do love her because she was my 1st and because we had so much history. I pretty much told her that I cannot see myself just being her friend, and that we should give it another try. I personally have gone through a lot of changes as a person, grew up a lot, and am better equipped for a mature relationship. This new relationship doesn't have to be with my ex, obviously, but it would be awesome if it was. I have seen other girls, and they don't really compare to her.

 

Well, she said that she would be willing to give it another try, but not right now. She said she has lots of pent up issues/anger/resentment for me, and being in a relationship with me right now would not be a good idea. She said that we could start slow by talking on the phone a few times each week (we're long distant), visiting each other once a month (which is pretty much how often we were seeing each other before the break), then see where that leads. This is all nice and good.

 

The problem is that I'm being impatient. I kinda wish that she would have the same feelings for me NOW. I also don't know if the next few months will help her sort herself out. I certainly know that she still loves me. She said she's just afraid to get involved again because I hurted her once before, so she has little trust. I don't know if she will ever regain this trust, and what I can do to help it along. I also am afraid that I could get too entangled emotionally and have my heart broken again. God knows I don't want to fall into depression again. Just as I am good and ready to date again, she called. What are the chances of that?

 

Anyway, I know that I am in a pretty good position and should not complain. I just wish that things could be back to the way they were, but this time with me being a better boyfriend so none of this would have happened. How should I go about this delicate situation????

[lost_in_chgo]

slowly.

 

First, decide if this is what you want to do.

 

Sounds like you need to talk through some things with her and get her into a comfort zone. She needs to *know* it will work out. Try being supportive of what she wants to do and seeing it through.

 

This is exactly the situation many here wish for. You've got the opportunity here to accomplish whatever you want to accomplish. Try to be supportive but not pushy. Put her at ease, but don't be her doormat. Make sure she hears your side of things too, in a calm rational way.