mike999984 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 My girlfriend is a wonderful, sweet, kind, funny, beautiful, and, bottom-line, amazing girl. Before I had gone out with her, I knew that she had drunk in the past, but she promised me she would never get drunk again. She had occasionally had a drink of wine after we had gone out, given to her by her parents, but I didn't think much of it. Last night, she got on Facebook, and we talked. I started to notice that her words constantly were misspelled or had many extra letters. I asked her, and she admitted she chugged "a beer" to get buzzed, but I noticed it rapidly got worse, and she started asking for sex and saying she needed sex, even though before we went out, we both set the boundaries to not. When I told her she was drunk, at first she said she was only buzzed, but finally said that she was drunk. I kept telling her how I was hurt that she promised me that she wouldn't get drunk, but did anyways, and she just yelled at me and accused me of trying to change her. When I ask her why she drinks, she says it helps her and tastes good. She refuses to accept that she is addicted. I have told her that if she doesn't stop drinking that I have no choice but to break up with her, but I don't want to, since it could only make her problems worse. I know she has had terrible past relationships, as two involved sex (one only had sex once, the other twice). Although it is irrelevant, she is still friends with one of the exes that had sex with her, and told her yesterday that another ex had previously gotten her drunk and tried to rape her. How do I convince her that the drinking isn't helping her at all, and that she is addicted to it? I can't expect help from her family, as they all drink. Her mom and dad both had two children before getting married, and her sister of sixteen is pregnant, emancipated, and engaged. She, my girlfriend, is fifteen. I'm afraid that if I don't help her, her problems are only going to get worse as she gets older. Link to post Share on other sites
jenifer1972 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Read some books by Melody Beatty on codependency. I know you mean well, but this desire to be her white knight will drown you. Link to post Share on other sites
sloudrou Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Read some books by Melody Beatty on codependency. I know you mean well, but this desire to be her white knight will drown you. Oh, it will. He posted about this in the dating section as well. This is a classic quicksand situation. The OP is getting involved with a group of people (that's right, a GROUP of people, since he'll end up involved in the family drama as well) who will drag him down. He needs to simply rise above. He should tell her that he's moving on, and the reasons he's moving on, and tell her to call him when/if she gets her act together. I don't believe that dumping her will make her problems any worse than they were already going to get, but it might just give her the slap in the face she needs to realise she's going downhill fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Only SHE can help herself. You really can't change people, the change has to come from within. The best thing you can do is look after yourself and kindly/respectufly BREAK UP with her and tell her its because of the drinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 mike, You are obviously a caring and compassionate person . The world needs more like you! You might want to check Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org -- they most likely are your best source for resources and support. (You don't have to attend any meetings if you don't want to; just ask for whatever printed material they have and books/other resources they recommend.) Best of luck to you and your girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
azmo Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 Tell her you will break up with her if she doesn't stop drinking, and do it if she continues. Link to post Share on other sites
Vcygnus1 Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 how often is she drinking?if she only ot drunk this once, i dont see the addiction. She might pyschologically be dependant but alcohol addiction also carries severe physically problems. If she really is an addict, time to get out now. If she just enjoys it, maaybe it isnt too huge deal Link to post Share on other sites
Shakz Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Let me tell you a story, Michael. When I was in high school I dated a cheerleader. She was popular, and beautiful, and intelligent. But she drank. She drank because there were problems at home and she blamed herself. I was young and dumb and dismissed her addiction as one of her quirks, which I though made me like her so much. We went to the prom together, and homecoming, and no one thought anything was amiss. She was a good drinker. Half the time, even in class, you'd never know she was loaded. Well, one time we went to a house party. A bunch of us were in the basement, listening to my friend's band. She got up to stumble into the small bathroom and then never came out. People started lining up outside, even though she hadn't locked the door. They couldn't get it open. Finally someone said, "Hey Brownlee, go get your girlfriend out of the toilet." I went over and forced the door open. There she was, unconscious with her pants down around her ankles, puke in her hair. Becuase she had flopped forward when I forced the door open, and then backward, I couldn't close the door. Everyone got a lovely view of my girlfriends backside. I laughed it off. Fast forward three months. It's after graduation. My friend is having a huge blowout out in the sticks. Bonfire, keg, spodie, the works. She wants to go home because, surprise, she's drunk, but I want to stay. Her friend, equally wasted, says she'll take her home. A-hole that I was, I said fine. I was annoyed that she was infecting my good time. I stayed the night at my friends, and was woken up by a phone call. She and her friend were racing home just before dawn and ran into a combine crossing the road. They were killed instantly. It was her parents who called. Get her help immediately, if you care for her. do an intervention, if you have to. Don't have a concern for what might happen to your relationship. That isn't important now. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 I can't tell if this girl really has a problem with alcohol or not. I think it is pretty normal to experiment with alcohol around the 15 - 20 year old mark. I suppose key things to look out for would be if anything else in her life is suffering. OP, can you work out roughly how many units she is consuming? That is probably the best guide. Mostly she sounds really emotionally needy and without direction... like many 15 year olds. Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
lisaniel Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 She might pyschologically be dependant but alcohol addiction also carries severe physically problems. drug rehab Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 First and foremost SHE your GF.. has to want to quit. SHE has to see that it's an addiction/ Disease.. and that SHE is powerless over alcohol. For you and her fanily.. there is a program called alanon. A great support group for those who live with and love a person with an addiction. Don't lose hope. There is a very good chance she will come around. Sometimes things like this take time. Took me years to stop drinking.. but I DID. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 Does she pop pills too? I'm just trying to understand from the initial post how a girl gets drunk off of one beer. What makes you think she is alcoholic? A glass of wine once in awhile does not make an alcoholic, neither does one beer. If she is an alcoholic, fine, then you deal with that realization. But what is your proof? Not sticking up for her. Just that the post doesn't point to alcoholism. Link to post Share on other sites
lilbunny Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 I can't tell if this girl really has a problem with alcohol or not. I think it is pretty normal to experiment with alcohol around the 15 - 20 year old mark. I suppose key things to look out for would be if anything else in her life is suffering. OP, can you work out roughly how many units she is consuming? That is probably the best guide. Mostly she sounds really emotionally needy and without direction... like many 15 year olds. Take care, Eve xx I very much agree with this. Lots of teenagers that age get drunk now and again. What concerns me is that she is not doing this in a safe environment and has been in a situation where someone tried to rape her. This does need addressing. Alcohol dependency would mean that she is unable to function without alcohol and drinks daily, often from first thing in the morning. The fact that she seemed drunk after one drink would suggest to me that she has not developed a tolerance to alcohol and this is unlikely. If it makes you feel uncomfortable then tell her. Explain your concerns and show her that you care. Try not to be judgemental, not everyone who drinks or indeed gets drunk now and again are an alcoholic or lack control of their lives. Listen to what she says. I am guessing you are very young yourself, find a trusted adult who can offer you support. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveAintEverything Posted September 21, 2010 Share Posted September 21, 2010 You cannot deal with an alcoholic unless they get help...you will just ruin your life..(talking from experience) Link to post Share on other sites
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