mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 First, I do not know why he would even want to wear it in the summer time but he does. In fact, his BF is here hanging out and he is wearing one and it's 90 degrees outside. They are both wearing one. To the issue...my mil texted me one day and said "Tell B (my son) to leave his cap at home. I don't want him to embrass us." It's the part that states "I don't want him to embarrass us" that got to me. So, she is worried about what other people think about him wearing this stupid cap? What if he had tattoos on his arms and/or legs? Would she expect him to wear long sleeved shirts and pants in 115 degree weather?I'm not even sure he will wear it as it's so hot but he may want to. This stupid cap is who he is. It's his style. It's no different than ppl who choose to dress Goth, punk, ect. What if he was one of those? Would she said "I don't want him coming to see us b/c of the way he dresses. I don't want him to embarrass us." Ds gets crap about it from my family b/c him and his friend wear their caps in the heat of summer. But they don't say anything about being embarrassed about it and not want to be around him. I agree he needs to respect her wishes and not wear the cap since she is paying for the trip. And by the way, he doesn't want to go, at all. He is almost 17 and doesn't want to hang out w/ grandma. I didn't either at that age however now I regret not spending more time w/ her as she is gone, but teenagers don't look at things like that. They live for wanting to hang out with friends. So this cap issue just makes things worse for him. My son is being a little selfish about this, he should respect his grandma and not wear it but he is raising a fit about it saying she has no right to tell him how to dress. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Hey Mopar. Your son is "more right" than his grandmother. Just tell her to effect of, "Appreciate your concern and know exactly how you feel. But. We have decided to allow B as much freedom of expression as possible, as long as it is does not pose a risk to his physical or mental health, and is not physically dangerous to others. We believe that guiding and supporting him to be self-reliant, independent and authentic is more important than us trying to control silly-by-comparison things like what he is wearing. As I said, though, I do know how you feel about this cap." As your son, I would most certainly appreciate it and love you forever, whenever you do stand up for his rights to self-determination -- and that way he will also trust you more when it does come to you taking your stands about what you believe to be detrimental to his actual physical and mental health. Best wishes - and happy Fourth of July! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Hey Mopar. Your son is "more right" than his grandmother. Just tell her to effect of, "Appreciate your concern and know exactly how you feel. But. We have decided to allow B as much freedom of expression as possible, as long as it is does not pose a risk to his physical or mental health, and is not physically dangerous to others. We believe that guiding and supporting him to be self-reliant, independent and authentic is more important than us trying to control silly-by-comparison things like what he is wearing. As I said, though, I do know how you feel about this cap." As your son, I would most certainly appreciate it and love you forever, whenever you do stand up for his rights to self-determination -- and that way he will also trust you more when it does come to you taking your stands about what you believe to be detrimental to his actual physical and mental health. Best wishes - and happy Fourth of July! this is a good suggestion. my gut would say don't send him on the trip. her controlling and judgmental approach is only bound to be hurtful to his well being. i wouldn't care how she takes it - she's not worried about hurting his feelings - why worry about calling a spade a spade? she's rude and hurtful and i'd tell her that's how you feel about her comment. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Totally stick up for your son in this situation M... He will appreciate it and it's the right thing to do. If Grandma is more worried about how he dresses than spending time with her grandson- she's the one with the problem, not your son. I could understand if she said "no drugs or alcohol"... But she's being an ass requesting this. Her request is stupid. If it were my son, I'd tell Grandma she loses out on the visit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 Thanks everyone for your advice. It's appreciated, a lot! I have had friends from another board I'm a member of that consist of just mother's. Been on that site for about 13 years and I'm a regular poster. Anyhow, three mom's told me she went about it the wrong way by saying she doesn't want him to wear b/c it will be embarrassing. However, they did say she is grandmother and he should respect her wishes. My sis in law told me the same. She asked me if we were paying for the trip. I told her no, she offered to send us out for the week. She said she has every right to tell him he can't bring the hat since she is paying for the trip out there. My own mother said she went about it the wrong way also and said he should respect his grandma's wishes, however, she thought it was awful selfish to raise a stink about a cap. Something that defines who he is. In fact I remember my mom taking him out for his bday or something and he wore the cap. It wasn't in the winter but early fall. She did not mention how she didn't like it. Sure, she isn't fond of it but she didn't say she was embarrassed to be seen with him b/c of the hat. My mil is more worried about what the ppl in her retirement community are going to think/say about him if he wears the cap. All in all it boils down to two things from other ppl's opinions 1) He should respect his grandma's wishes and not wear the cap and 2) she paid for the trip, she can tell him not to wear it and there is nothing he can do or say about it. He already doesn't want to go and this is just making it worse. He is going to grow to resent her just b/c of a stupid cap. I so want to tell her to pick her battles b/c this is just asinine! Happy 4th to you also Ronni! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 A grandson isn't something she should be parading around the retirement community like he is a bobble. You can be the parents and make a decision, but at 17, he is capable of making some decisions too- in fact, he's earned the right. Is he a pretty good kid? If so, Grandma is being an ass-hole. Support your kid, I know I would in this situation. She may be paying for the trip, but that doesn't mean he should have to go. If he's a good kid, that hat is 100% irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 A grandson isn't something she should be parading around the retirement community like he is a bobble. You can be the parents and make a decision, but at 17, he is capable of making some decisions too- in fact, he's earned the right. Is he a pretty good kid? If so, Grandma is being an ass-hole. Support your kid, I know I would in this situation. She may be paying for the trip, but that doesn't mean he should have to go. If he's a good kid, that hat is 100% irrelevant. A good kid? TBH, I can't say he is a good kid. He breaks curfew often and he has been sneaking beer out of the fridge. Bad kid, or just a kid who is almost 17 and a lot of kids do this? Most of my classmates did this kind of crap, I did this all the time. Was I a bad kid? I certaintly wasn't home w/ my nose in a book that is for sure. So maybe I was a bad kid b/c I did drink at 17 and I did break curfew. However, it's not tolerated in my house and he gets grounded for it. I did when I was his age...only if I got caught! LOL! at your first comment! She doesn't parade him around but she does take us to the club house at the golf course and she doesn't want him wearing the hat there, or anywhere in her community or around her period. I have talked to hubby about it and he agreed that he shouldn't wear it around her. If we go somewhere w/o her then he may wear it. As for leaving it at home and not getting to wear it all, that is bs. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 (edited) My son is being a little selfish about this, he should respect his grandma and not wear it but he is raising a fit about it saying she has no right to tell him how to dress. I am conservative and traditional, but I have to side with your son on this one. If she is having problem with him wearing his pants way too down (think ghetto) or dress like a ganster/rapper, I would side with her, but there is nothing wrong with a guy or a man wearing a cap, unless they are going to some classy events like a wedding or a professional event. To me, it's an unreasonable request. It's almost like asking someone not to wear jeans to a mall, but a nice pair of dress pants only. This comes from someone (me) who does not wear a cap. Edited July 4, 2010 by Corporate Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 TBH, I'm surprised by the replies sticking up for my son, lol! I just wanted to add (as this may make a difference in your opinion) that this isn't a regular baseball cap. It's called a Beanie Visor. It looks like a stocking cap with a bill. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 TBH, I'm surprised by the replies sticking up for my son, lol! I just wanted to add (as this may make a difference in your opinion) that this isn't a regular baseball cap. It's called a Beanie Visor. It looks like a stocking cap with a bill. Okay, see now, okay, you know...okay. See, you didn't tell the full story at the beginning. Beanie Visor is not a regular, everyday cap. Without seeing a picture of the Beanie Visor's specific style and color along with the clothes that he wears to match them, it' hard to judge. But, a Beanie Visor changes everything. Many professional people, like doctors and lawyers, wear caps on their free time at home, hanging out with friends and family, but they don't wear Beanie Visor. Beanie Visor often and can be associates with people who rob banks or cause trouble, especially certain style and during non-winter months. I am changing my opinion on this and siding more with her unless there is more to the story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 Okay, see now, okay, you know...okay. See, you didn't tell the full story at the beginning. Beanie Visor is not a regular, everyday cap. Without seeing a picture of the Beanie Visor's specific style and color along with the clothes that he wears to match them, it' hard to judge. But, a Beanie Visor changes everything. Many professional people, like doctors and lawyers, wear caps on their free time at home, hanging out with friends and family, but they don't wear Beanie Visor. Beanie Visor often and can be associates with people who rob banks or cause trouble, especially certain style and during non-winter months. I am changing my opinion on this and siding more with her unless there is more to the story. I would post a picture but I don't think you can here on LS. Unless things have changed that I'm unaware of. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Does it look better than this? http://www.apbclothing.com/images/W/fidel_brown.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
jackson30 Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 If he doesn't want to go anyway, I would say leave him home and don't force him to go. I had to deal with a grandmother in law that was horrible. Everyone had to defer to her wishes just because she was the grandmother and everyone should do what she wants. She held that over everyone's head and because of it she wasn't liked but was mostly avoided if possible. My other grandmother in law was as opposite as possible, she was nice to everyone and everyone loved her. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 If he doesn't want to go anyway, I would say leave him home and don't force him to go. I agree with the above. It's not like he is 7 and needs a baby sitter to watch over him. Well, unless you think without you and your H, him being home alone is going to cause some trouble such as having a wild party at home, getting some girl pregnant, etc. Don't force him to go if he doesn't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 Does it look better than this? http://www.apbclothing.com/images/W/fidel_brown.jpg How weird! That was the same exact picture I was going to post to show you an example. It's similar, very close. These caps are popular with the teenagers here. Isn't it a skater's cap? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 If he doesn't want to go anyway, I would say leave him home and don't force him to go. I had to deal with a grandmother in law that was horrible. Everyone had to defer to her wishes just because she was the grandmother and everyone should do what she wants. She held that over everyone's head and because of it she wasn't liked but was mostly avoided if possible. My other grandmother in law was as opposite as possible, she was nice to everyone and everyone loved her. We are going to be gone for a week and it's 1,200 miles from home. Tickets already bought. And OMGOSH! If he didn't come shyt would hit the fan!!! The "After all I do for you and this is what happens!" would come flying out of her mouth. My children are my only mother in laws blood grandchildren. My husband is an only child. Needless to say she spoils them even after I tell/ask her not to. So, if he doesn't come it would not be good. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 How weird! That was the same exact picture I was going to post to show you an example. It's similar, very close. These caps are popular with the teenagers here. Isn't it a skater's cap? Those look okay during winter months. As matter of fact, it looks cute and even professional during winter months on females. See http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_kY5WNu7XcU8/SK8drbDNByI/AAAAAAAAAyY/xJchkMvwmrc/s400/cranberry+visor+beanie.jpg http://beaniehatshop.co.uk/images/visor-beanie-hat-0043.jpg But, on a guy, it looks ghettoish or thugish during summer months. But, he is a teen who's probably trying to be cool. Let him be as long as he gets As and Bs in school. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 We are going to be gone for a week and it's 1,200 miles from home. Tickets already bought. And OMGOSH! If he didn't come shyt would hit the fan!!! The "After all I do for you and this is what happens!" would come flying out of her mouth. My children are my only mother in laws blood grandchildren. My husband is an only child. Needless to say she spoils them even after I tell/ask her not to. So, if he doesn't come it would not be good. See, now, you're telling more of a complete picture of this story. It's should be no big deal for him not to wear that ghetto hat for a week if it means it will please his grandparents who spend $$$ on him. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 However, they did say she is grandmother and he should respect her wishes. I really don`t understand this at all. Just because someone is paying for the trip gives them the right to control how the kid dresses? Bull****. He doesn`t even want to go so paying is way isn`t doing him any favors. I`d tell grandma to piss off. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 I really don`t understand this at all. Just because someone is paying for the trip gives them the right to control how the kid dresses? Bull****. He doesn`t even want to go so paying is way isn`t doing him any favors. I`d tell grandma to piss off. It really doesn't hurt to show the elderly some respect/obedience if their requests are not unreasonable. You should try it sometime yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 See, now, you're telling more of a complete picture of this story. It's should be no big deal for him not to wear that ghetto hat for a week if it means it will please his grandparents who spend $$$ on him. It's not a ghetto hat, it's a skaters cap. His grandma needs to stop spending money on him. He expects it b/c that is all she has done for him since he was born. Ya ever heard that term "spoiled rotten"? Well, that is where here he is at when it comes to his grandma. His father and I agreed that he can bring the hat but he will not wear it around her. If we go off to do anything w/o her he can wear it. Her request to "leave it at home" is asinine. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 It's not a ghetto hat, it's a skaters cap. His grandma needs to stop spending money on him. He expects it b/c that is all she has done for him since he was born. Ya ever heard that term "spoiled rotten"? Well, that is where here he is at when it comes to his grandma. Why do you talk to me like I am slow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 Sorry, I didn't mean to talk to you like your slow, that wasn't my intentions at all. I guess I just don't like the term "ghetto" when speaking about what my son wears for a cap. And yes, I'm positive you have heard that saying about spoiled rotten, sorry. What I meant by that is my mil spoils my kids rotten. I know she means well, and I appreciate every thing she does. I just don't want her to think she has to buy them things all the time. It also makes us look bad as parents b/c we aren't financially well off like she is. You don't know how many times I have heard "Grandma buys us more than you do." Link to post Share on other sites
jackson30 Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 She sounds a lot like my wife's grandmother, she used her money to control the grandkids, she'd loan them money to do stuff but then use that to try to control everything they do. When we got engaged the first thing out of her mouth was "you can't get married until you pay back your car loan, I won't allow it". Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Sorry, I didn't mean to talk to you like your slow, that wasn't my intentions at all. It better not be. So you know, I have a college degree. Link to post Share on other sites
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