Confused about what to do next? Help appreciated.

[Chris76J]

OK I went out with my X girlfriend for about 3 years. And while our relationship was the best ever as far as love goes (the sweetest of sweet things said to each other talking every day always expressing love and how happy we were to have each other. It seemed to us and everyone else that we would be together forever), we faught a lot and when we faught it was pretty bad. But I think that most of it was just little stupid things that shouldn't have been faught about because we are both young (both under 20 but im a couple years older than her).

 

Anyways I was mad at her for some jeleousy reasons and I also wasn't sure that I wanted to be with her anymore and started thinking about and talking to other girls. We broke up for a while but still were together all the time. She always bugged me about asking her back out but I never did because i was confused. But one night we had a really bad fight and the next night she was with a different guy who she then dated for a while.

 

Then I crumbled. I fell apart. I wanted her back more than anything in the world but she would never talk to me. So for about 3 months it went on like this while she did sexual things with 5 or 6 other guys, including one of my best friends.

 

It seemed to me that she was completely done with me and that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. BUt one of my friends whos a girl insisted to me that she was playing games and the only reason she hasnt come back yet is because I was trying my hardest to talk to her and get her back. So I started pretending I didnt care for a while and it got her to start calling me saying she missed me and wanted to be friends and didn't want me to hate her. So she would come to my house for a couple nights and I would think she wanted me back, but then she would'nt talk to me for like 3 days and do more sexual things with other guys.

So I finally told her that I was sick of playing her games and that I didn't think she could make me happy even if I got her back because she didn't love me the way she used to. I told her that I just wanted love and it hurt me too much to play games and if thats what she wanted I was going to give up. So I stopped talking to her completely unless the conversation was initiated by her (her calling me or pming me). I started hanging out with other girls and she heard about a lot of them liking me and wanting to be with me.

Then just recently she called me one night and we talked for a while and then she started crying and talking about us saying that she wished we never would have broken up and that she was really stupid but she didnt know what she was doing. And she said she was very lonely and that she wanted me to come sleep by her that night. But I didnt.

 

So of course I am now the happiest guy in the world. But something different is wrong now I feel different now that she seems to want me back. So I guess my question is this: Is it possible for her to love me like she used to if we did get back together? Would she be faithfull to me or am I just setting myself up to get hurt again? Keeping in mind that she tried to get me back before she left me and I wouldnt ask her back out, so its not like she completely screwed me over I know it was partly my mistake.

But even though it seems like she wants me back now I still get doubts because shes not always trying to talk to me. And she hasnt tried to get me to come over again since the conversation on the phone when she said she missed us. Although she does talk to me more than usualy now and seems more interested in me. So i dont know what to do. I need to know if she could love me like she used to. Should I wait for her to make a serious attempt at getting me back or ask me out again? Or should I make a move and make some super romantic attempt to ask her to be with me again (which im very good at). And if so when is the right time? Any help is greatly appreciated.

thanks.

[jmargel]

Seems like you two have been playing head games with each other. A relationship should not be about that. Its not who has control over the other. Its a 50/50 thing. One of the main points in a relationship is communication, without that then you'll end up with what you are facing. We can't tell you what she feels or what she's going to do. Only she can answer that. If you two truly want this to work you need to see some sort of couple's counciling. That's alot to take in, having her sleep with these guys, and especially your one friend. That friend I hope you don't have contact with anymore.

 

Remember also, she's only 20 yrs old. She has alot of growing upto do. Its going to take alot of work on both your parts to get through this. When someone is as young as her, usually they don't last. Most women get the need to want to sew thier wild oats, and to live on their own before settling down. So take that into consideration as well.

[newlysingle]

I was going to propose to my girl of 4 years and than I got a damn dumpmonkey in the mail! Now I'm devistated. At least I know its over now and I didn't make an ass of myself.

[TimmyTime]

jmargel - is completly right. There are way to may games being played here. It is fun at first, but if you want to have a true relationship it has to be an equal giving thing minus the B/S. I know this all to well and that is why I am no longer with my ex of almost 4 years.

 

My advice is to let it go man. If she wants you back that bad, she will have to prove to you that her love will be true and she will be faithfull. And it would take a lot of time where you just have to both fall back in love with each other.

 

It seems to me that if you got back together you would not be satisfied with her because now you have expectations, where you didn't when you first hooked up. It was new and excititing where now you have a standard of what your relationship is supposed to be. Not Good.

 

As newlysingle did, realize that it is over, and time might prove different, but it seems that is no time soon.

 

That is the best advice I can give, and if you read my thread you'll see that I should follow it myself......lol..

 

Good Luck