This Guy's Story.

[hitbyatruck]

Hi. My Story:

 

Me: 33yo guy.

Ex: 31yo.

2 yr old child.

Together 10yrs - not all roses....equal measures of good & bad. Life. Love.

Not married, but fully committed (until recently).

No major assets to divide.

4mths ago mutual friend moves nearby from interstate.

Ex falls for my (now ex) friend. Emotional affair first, then physical.

Admission. I leave.

Good access to child.

Ex announces 6wks later that she is engaged to be married.

So fast I can't really believe it.

Seems forced, pressured.

Happy moving forward most of the time but I am sometimes hopeful, sometimes fearful that she might wake up from the "whirlwind romance/fling?" and attempt to reconcile.

Anybody else been in a similar situation?

 

Thanks.

[LisaUk]

Hi and welcome to LS.

 

Good on you for leaving! Although my ex did not have an affair (to my knowledge) he treated me like s**t and I wish I had had your strength instead of acting like a doormat and begging him to come back for months afterwards.

 

There are plenty here in your position, with cheating spouses. And lots of support for you to, keep posting.

[spriggig]

You don't give many details, but there are some common themes through the "Walk Away Spouse" (WAS) syndrome, which it what you're experiencing. AKA, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (over the septic tank).

 

General WAS talk:

 

Milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50, 60) find women analyzing their relationships more than usual. Often they find their relationship(s) lacking. The non-confrontational type won't say a thing to their partner and if their partner isn't unhappy, he/she probably won't pick up on the subtle clues that something is terribly wrong.

 

Women in this situation are notorious for burning bridges--they've made up their mind to leave long before the affair (a year or more before), and D-Day is the last step before getting out--not the first step to a discussion. See, non-confrontational types don't WANT to talk about it, they want to try to avoid the pain. It's very likely she blames you for the demise of the relationship and takes very little responsibility. That is how she has justified her decision to cheat.

 

Men in this situation aren't as likely to burn bridges.

 

You're GF, wife really, is chasing butterflies with your "friend". He is her "soulmate" and is the "perfect man" she's been waiting for. Chances are they've been telling each other white lies to make it seem as though they are more compatible than they really are. (My wife was kind enough to leave a dated, detailed journal so I got to see all of this unfold in her own hand.)

 

In reality, your "friend" is no better than you or worse, he's just different, and that is what is so enticing to your wife. She craves different and she wants the attention she feels she wasn't getting from you.

 

There's a good chance she is just using the affair as a means to an end (the end of your relationship), although she may not even understand that herself right now because she is in the fog.

 

Marrying this guy is probably a huge mistake. Hopefully her parents or friends will get that across to her before she actually goes through with it.

 

Generally the best strategy for the Betrayed Spouse (BS) is to go into Limited Contact (LC) and work on himself--with HONESTY. Take credit, responsibility and blame where it is due and to only the level it is due. Don't beat yourself up.

[hitbyatruck]

It all makes more sense when laid out in the way you have spriggig. Thankyou.

 

There was plenty of confrontation from both parties in the last year or two, but much of it from her with me usually desperately trying to defuse a situation before it exploded. Ex seemed to become more sensitive to ANY criticism in the last year and I felt that she was becoming increasingly angry towards me as though I was preventing her from being happy. Maybe unconsciously I was but I can't put my finger on it. I knew we had problems, but as I think is often the case, men appear to tolerate a failing relationship/marriage longer than women, or so it seems.

 

What I do know is that she has spent a lot of energy justifying her decision, telling me how bad things have always been. This I have discovered is quite common. They were far from bad all the time and I have pointed out to her that surely nobody would stick around for a decade and have a kid with a guy if things were that bad. Her self-esteem and ego are pretty healthy so this just didn't wash with me.

 

I have copped the "he is my soul-mate" line already and on MANY occasions she has told me that she just wants us to be friends.

 

I would like NC but this is impossible due to shared care of our child.

I am trying to keep all contact child related now after spilling my guts about my feelings to her for the first month after the affair/split.

 

I know I have to move forward, and I am to an extent, but I also feel that I have to psychologically prepare for her coming back to tell me she has made a mistake, however unlikely this may be.

 

To me, 10 years is too much to just throw away - particularly when not enough was done by either of us to eliminate the problems and save the relationship. The two relationship counselling sessions (that she initiated) counted for nothing as she had already made her mind up about what she was doing.

 

I have set a date of the last day of this year as the boundary of expectation (hope?) that she may change her mind. Until then, and despite moving on with my life, part of me will keep the door just ajar.

[wrencn]

You don't give many details, but there are some common themes through the "Walk Away Spouse" (WAS) syndrome, which it what you're experiencing. AKA, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (over the septic tank).

 

General WAS talk:

 

Milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50, 60) find women analyzing their relationships more than usual. Often they find their relationship(s) lacking. The non-confrontational type won't say a thing to their partner and if their partner isn't unhappy, he/she probably won't pick up on the subtle clues that something is terribly wrong.

 

Women in this situation are notorious for burning bridges--they've made up their mind to leave long before the affair (a year or more before), and D-Day is the last step before getting out--not the first step to a discussion. See, non-confrontational types don't WANT to talk about it, they want to try to avoid the pain. It's very likely she blames you for the demise of the relationship and takes very little responsibility. That is how she has justified her decision to cheat.

 

Men in this situation aren't as likely to burn bridges.

 

You're GF, wife really, is chasing butterflies with your "friend". He is her "soulmate" and is the "perfect man" she's been waiting for. Chances are they've been telling each other white lies to make it seem as though they are more compatible than they really are. (My wife was kind enough to leave a dated, detailed journal so I got to see all of this unfold in her own hand.)

 

In reality, your "friend" is no better than you or worse, he's just different, and that is what is so enticing to your wife. She craves different and she wants the attention she feels she wasn't getting from you.

 

There's a good chance she is just using the affair as a means to an end (the end of your relationship), although she may not even understand that herself right now because she is in the fog.

 

Marrying this guy is probably a huge mistake. Hopefully her parents or friends will get that across to her before she actually goes through with it.

 

Generally the best strategy for the Betrayed Spouse (BS) is to go into Limited Contact (LC) and work on himself--with HONESTY. Take credit, responsibility and blame where it is due and to only the level it is due. Don't beat yourself up.

 

Oh wow my husband is a walk away spouse, but the feminine wifey type lol.

[HopelessinDTW]

It all makes more sense when laid out in the way you have spriggig. Thankyou.

 

There was plenty of confrontation from both parties in the last year or two, but much of it from her with me usually desperately trying to defuse a situation before it exploded. Ex seemed to become more sensitive to ANY criticism in the last year and I felt that she was becoming increasingly angry towards me as though I was preventing her from being happy. Maybe unconsciously I was but I can't put my finger on it. I knew we had problems, but as I think is often the case, men appear to tolerate a failing relationship/marriage longer than women, or so it seems.

 

What I do know is that she has spent a lot of energy justifying her decision, telling me how bad things have always been. This I have discovered is quite common. They were far from bad all the time and I have pointed out to her that surely nobody would stick around for a decade and have a kid with a guy if things were that bad. Her self-esteem and ego are pretty healthy so this just didn't wash with me.

 

I have copped the "he is my soul-mate" line already and on MANY occasions she has told me that she just wants us to be friends.

 

I would like NC but this is impossible due to shared care of our child.

I am trying to keep all contact child related now after spilling my guts about my feelings to her for the first month after the affair/split.

 

I know I have to move forward, and I am to an extent, but I also feel that I have to psychologically prepare for her coming back to tell me she has made a mistake, however unlikely this may be.

 

To me, 10 years is too much to just throw away - particularly when not enough was done by either of us to eliminate the problems and save the relationship. The two relationship counselling sessions (that she initiated) counted for nothing as she had already made her mind up about what she was doing.

 

I have set a date of the last day of this year as the boundary of expectation (hope?) that she may change her mind. Until then, and despite moving on with my life, part of me will keep the door just ajar.

HitbyTruck: OMG!! Your story is VERY similar to mine!! Read FAILED MARRIAGE...I know exactly what you're going through. My wife manipulated me into thinking everything was my fault, and then accused me of having anger issues...when in reality she was argumentative as much as me. She told all her friends how unhappy she was, and how horrible I was. One of her firends (was my friend also) even told me that our marriage was over a long time ago. Unfortunaltely, my stbx did not tell me any of this, and only complained that I needed to change (go to a doctor, therapist). There was never conversation about going to a marriage counselor or talk of marriage being in trouble. In early may, she made contact with an high school crush through Facebook...in two weeks she told me I had to move out so that "she could figure our herself". I obliged since she also told me there was a chance of us getting together. Anyways, you can read the story that I posted...she eventually met up with the guy and had sex...after a week I got served divorce papers.

 

Bottom line is...these women are living in fantasy world. They get a thoughts into their heads that they are missing out, or that they are being mistreated. They get friends around them that don;t know the whole story who feed the fire, and tell your wife how horrible her situation is and that she needs to make herself happy by leaving. Before you know it or can do anything about it, she has already decided...and it's over. I've gone through this site and others, it's creepy how common this is. You just have to try to move on and realize that you did all you could with the information you had at the time. And your wife has no morals and definitaly does not value you or the kids as much as she might have you believe. Her act is selfish, and is the "easy-way-out". Put your head up high, and work at starting a fresh life with your kids. That's what I am trying to do right now...I am working to have more fun with the kids, more quality time, and laughing with them. I'm actually closer to them then I was before all this started...good luck and please post any updates.

[seibert253]

LC, speak of nothing but kids. Then sit back a watch.

Her crash and burn is coming. Then you can decide to:

A. Be there to pick up the pieces

B. Continue to move forward with you life, without her, while her's falls apart.

 

Karma's a bitch.

[spriggig]

I have set a date of the last day of this year as the boundary of expectation (hope?) that she may change her mind. Until then, and despite moving on with my life, part of me will keep the door just ajar.

 

Forget about your artificial deadline. What you've really done is given yourself permission to hope (torture yourself) until that time. And, just when you've gotten into the comfortable habit of torturing yourself, the date will come. So, rather than do the healthy thing and give up the habit, you'll set a new date further in the future.

 

If you need a deadline make it yesterday.

[itcantbimpossible]

Well I'm almost in your situatiuon so any advice out ther would be helpful... what Ive come across is: most men leave when they no longer feel admired most woman leave when they no longer feel wanted.. I have no clue yet as to why the get engaged so fast my story below goes almost like yours:

 

 

I was in a relationship with what I felt was a great man. Our connection was great we were together for 2 years. We are both professional young adults late 20's. Late January of this year he brings up the subject of marriage saying he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. A week after the marriage discussion he tells me " he can't do this and the relationship is over. I was shocked I was blindsided, but a week later he calls saying crying saying he was so confused and made the biggest mistake of his life by breaking up with me. Then 3 days later says " look I met someone out of state she is actually a new friend of my sisters and I think I want to date her." I was so hurt I said ok and did NC. I did NC because I knew I couldn't talk with him without busting into tears. He calls me a month ago and asked me to pick up some of my things that were left at his house. Yesturday ( 5 months from the break up)they post on their facebook they are engaged showing a picture of her ring. She doesnt even live in the same state. Do men really move on that fast? I know the typical advice is to move. How do I? I don't even know what happened. I know for him to have moved on so quickly he must have been talking with her/cheating, But How can he move on so quickly? I understand people have a change of heart and that is life but How do you go from telling a long term GF that you want to spend your life with her the engaged to someone else 5 months later!!

[hitbyatruck]

Ooops. I had a fairly major setback last night.

 

I was feeling down so got smashed.

Ex phoned me a few drinks in to discuss child-related business.

I shouldn't have answered but did anyway and had an argument about her contacting me chirpily by phone every other day when texting would do.

I drank. A lot. Didn't eat, then felt guilty for yelling earlier and rang her a few hours later.

 

From what I can hazily recall, I professed to her the true feelings that remain with me. Started with the L word. Damn! Fool!

She calls back this morning - prob to make sure I didn't do anything stupid, but also to berate me.

 

Very embarrased now & annoyed at my bad judgement.

I'd been attempting minimal contact for weeks - child related only - but I think LC wore me down - it's damn hard when you actually like someone but can't be a part of their life because of the path they have taken. Ex must have noticed LC as a few days earlier she asked why it was not possible for me to be friendly towards her when she is towards me. (I asked her to see things from my perspective during a long phone conv but she's having too much of a good time to do that.)

 

I strongly told her that I can't be her friend for my own reasons and that it would be the wrong thing to do and unhealthy for me going forward. She didn't seem to understand that it's fairly difficult to go from loving what was the most important person in your life (child aside) to just being their "friend", particularly given the circumstances of our break-up.

 

Things are getting really trying again.

[habs53]

Ooops. I had a fairly major setback last night.

 

I was feeling down so got smashed.

Ex phoned me a few drinks in to discuss child-related business.

I shouldn't have answered but did anyway and had an argument about her contacting me chirpily by phone every other day when texting would do.

I drank. A lot. Didn't eat, then felt guilty for yelling earlier and rang her a few hours later.

 

From what I can hazily recall, I professed to her the true feelings that remain with me. Started with the L word. Damn! Fool!

She calls back this morning - prob to make sure I didn't do anything stupid, but also to berate me.

 

Very embarrased now & annoyed at my bad judgement.

I'd been attempting minimal contact for weeks - child related only - but I think LC wore me down - it's damn hard when you actually like someone but can't be a part of their life because of the path they have taken. Ex must have noticed LC as a few days earlier she asked why it was not possible for me to be friendly towards her when she is towards me. (I asked her to see things from my perspective during a long phone conv but she's having too much of a good time to do that.)

 

I strongly told her that I can't be her friend for my own reasons and that it would be the wrong thing to do and unhealthy for me going forward. She didn't seem to understand that it's fairly difficult to go from loving what was the most important person in your life (child aside) to just being their "friend", particularly given the circumstances of our break-up.

 

Things are getting really trying again.

There will be set backs. Try your best with the NC. It gets easier and easier. Stay out of the booze.

[MJEW]

Well hitbyatruck, I am sorry that you are going through this, I was the walk a way wife.

 

I have read this tread and it has made me realize alot about myself and what I had being doing for the last 3 years to my ex husband.

 

You see I did blame everything on him, I chose not take responsibility for my actions, my failures, my lack of everything in our 7 year marriage. It was easier to blame him and move on thinking that the one out there is for me, that's how I justified my actions, my thought process, my everything the last few years.

 

I had a melt down the beginning of the year, literally! I knew at that time that I was to blame for more than I was admitting, I was lying to myself, my kids, my family, my ex husband, thinking that it was everyone elses fault but my own that my marriage failed.

 

I was in a fog, I was with another man for those 3 years, lying to him, to myself making it seem that it was better than it actually was. Living in the fantasy world and then all of a sudden coming to my senses and realizing what I had done wrong was alot for me, hence the melt down.

 

I called my ex, ( we are in constant communication because of our boy) I told him that I was sorry, I was sorry that I did not fight for our marriage, I told him that I am taking responsibility for what I had done wrong and the lack of caring that I showed throughout the separation, the back together, the separation again and finally the divorce, (all my doing).

 

I expressed what I truly felt in my heart, mind you it didn't do any good, he has moved on and he is truly happy in his life, but at least I told him that I was sorry and that it wasn't all of his fault, it was....me.

 

Now that is alot to take on, wow let me tell you, but I wanted you to know because I was the walk away wife, that when reality sets in and when the fog clears, that life, that marriage that you ruined before thinking that it wasn't what you wanted, you could do better, it was the life that I truly wanted the whole time.

 

I wish that others who are thinking that life is greener on the otherside would STOP! and reconsider everything, re-evaluate it it all before they jump the gun and be quick to destroy everything that they have.

 

Karam is a b#$*&, and when it comes around she smacks you hard and your left behind wondering what the heck just happened, while the one who was left has moved on without you.

[hitbyatruck]

A good day is one where I don't think about her at all, or if I do - declare to myself that by leaving me, ex did me a favour - allowing me the chance to start afresh one day with someone more compatible.

 

A bad day sees me convincing myself that it is still just an affair (it's beyond that with plans for marriage and a happy little family, including my child.)

 

A bad day has me seeing her one day realizing that she made a mistake thus giving me vindication, and therefore the chance to take her back, or not.

 

A bad day involves feelings of intense jealousy and anger towards OM, yet not so much toward ex.

 

A bad day is one where I say the right things to myself but know my heart's not in it.

 

Today unfortunately is a bad day.

[D-Lish]

I have set a date of the last day of this year as the boundary of expectation (hope?) that she may change her mind. Until then, and despite moving on with my life, part of me will keep the door just ajar.

 

What I have to say may seem harsh.

 

Your wife had an affair with your friend, she's been having sex with him for months, she left you and she wants to marry him.

 

Have you even gotten mad about this? You don't seem angry at all, and this is something to be incredibly angry about.

 

It doesn't matter if you have been together for 10 years, the best thing that came of this union is your child.

 

The mistake she has made is huge, the damage she has done is monumental. Why would you entertain the notion of leaving the door open for this woman?

[hitbyatruck]

What I have to say may seem harsh.

 

Bring it on! I need it to get me up off my knees today.

 

I usually find myself here on LS only on bad days so there would have been a lot of denial going on when I posted that. Leaving the door open is wrong and will just create a continuing "state of limbo". She's not coming back anyway plus I don't think the trust issue could ever be sorted. Don't get me wrong, I hate what she did and the choice/path she chose rather than address our issues but I don't hate her. How do you hate someone who bore your first born child?

 

I'm strong physically but probably let my emotions (the good and the bad) get the better of me sometimes. I wouldn't like to be the kind of person who has to keep inside the whole mess of feelings that rise & fall, ebb & tide in these kind of situations.

 

To those who have offered constructive advice over the last two weeks, I thank you and look forward to the time when I can help other newer members here. I wish I had discovered this site months earlier!

[spriggig]

A good day is one where I don't think about her at all, or if I do - declare to myself that by leaving me, ex did me a favour - allowing me the chance to start afresh one day with someone more compatible.

 

A bad day sees me convincing myself that it is still just an affair (it's beyond that with plans for marriage and a happy little family, including my child.)

 

A bad day has me seeing her one day realizing that she made a mistake thus giving me vindication, and therefore the chance to take her back, or not.

 

A bad day involves feelings of intense jealousy and anger towards OM, yet not so much toward ex.

 

A bad day is one where I say the right things to myself but know my heart's not in it.

 

Today unfortunately is a bad day.

 

Yeah, this pretty much sums up the last four months of my life. But the anger has been different.

 

I was never extremely mad at the OM, not that I consider him innocent since he knew she was married before he even talked to her, it's just that his control was limited to himself and she had already thrown herself at two other guys before him. So, it would have been SOMEBODY, he's just the scumbag who went through with it.

 

I have been angry at my wife, but with the exception of a short, childish struggle over her taking a computer when she left the house, we have not argued. I've expressed my anger alone and to a couple of close friends.

 

I think I'm past the anger, but the hope to reconcile has been constant, to be honest, in spite of the fact that she has made no effort that way and has given me no reason to hope. I suppose I could embrace the anger and nurture it in an attempt to kill the hope, which is what so many people on this board recommend, but I think I'd risk becoming even more bitter and that could spill over into my relationship with my son. Kids change everything.

 

I'll have saved enough to pay the land-shark by the end of this week. We're entering endgame and she's been mostly absent from the field.

[hitbyatruck]

So what could it mean when ex tells me I'm "looking good" upon dropping off my child. It's happened a few times over the last 6 weeks. Without sounding too arrogant, regarding OM's looks, she has "traded down" significantly - she had commented on his unfortunate looks before the affair/breakup/"engagement" so I'm a bit confused in that respect. Maybe because she is getting what she wants now (total attention, sex more often, soppy praise, etc.) this is easily overlooked. She always had something to say about peoples looks, as did I.

 

The whole thing just seems so convenient:

 

Sick of her relationship with me.

Sick of the fights.

A mutual friend gives her attention.

Now she doesn't have to be single and work hard to rebuild her life and eventually find an appropriate partner.

It just seems so gutless to me - a cop out.

 

LC is difficult as there are many things I do like about my ex - many I don't too but some of those could have been worked out.

 

Some opinions on this would be most appreciated.

[karnak]

So what could it mean when ex tells me I'm "looking good" upon dropping off my child. It's happened a few times over the last 6 weeks. Without sounding too arrogant, regarding OM's looks, she has "traded down" significantly (...)

It just seems so gutless to me - a cop out.

 

 

Something tells me you're right. She's using that guy as an emotional/material "crutch" (a sort of giant "teddy bear" to keep away the boogey man).

 

Yes, she will marry that guy (be ready for that). Will her marriage be an happy one? NO

 

Will her marriage last? NO

 

Will she try to return to you when she divorces the guy? MOST PROBABLY

 

Will you accept her back? THAT WILL DEPEND ON YOU

 

 

Until then you’ll have to take care of yourself and your offspring.

[hitbyatruck]

Ex was definitely unhappy with our situation - had been for months - she hated the state of our relationship but she didn't hate me, and thankfully still doesn't. I've lost quite a few pounds which I needed to - the breakup diet worked great - so maybe she's seeing what could have been. Without any disrespect to all the mothers here, her unwillingness to lose the majority of her baby weight (after 2 years) did affect my attraction to her, something that greatly offended her everytime I said that it was a factor in our sex life. She refused to see things from my perspective. I was expected to be sexually attracted to her NO MATTER WHAT. Life doesn't work like that - love and sex are two very different things. She is an intelligent, compassionate person but I often became very frustrated with her inability to see things from my perspective. To her current benefit, OM has a history of a few chubby girlfriends.

 

I wonder what a lack of a father (or father figure) from a very early age has had on the events of this year?

[karnak]

 

I wonder what a lack of a father (or father figure) from a very early age has had on the events of this year?

 

I'd say "a lot". My mother lost her father at an early age. And she's an emotional mess. And I've always believed that to be related to the father figure.

 

Your wife must be going through some hard stages emotionally, right now (hence the need for validation by another man). Yet that alone is not a justification for an affair.

 

I've never cheated (despite feeling the temptation to ) and I admit i'm an emotional mess as well (my parents, unfortunately, are way worse than I am).

[tank]

hey hitbyatruck, first let me say you are not alone. We share a very similar storey, so do a lot of the others. I will tell you that i say waiting for my stbxw to wake up, to realize what she has thrown away. We she is doing so now. The problem is, i got me as# kicked on here for my attitude. The thing is, i have to thank everyone who was tough on me, since the realization that this is about me and not her, i am starting to rebuild my life. I am focusing on me and my children. I have lost a ton of weight since my ex left. I now start ezch day at 5:30am in the gym. work til 5 and right home. I have tons of energy to do fun things with my kids, luckily i have them inmy care. These things have helped me grow. I am cooking everyday, my kids appreciate that. The cleaning, well a bit to go in that department. I guess what i'm saying to you, is stop focusing on her and the failed marriage. Focus on you, do all the things she did in the home, it will give you a new appreciation for what she actually did, believe me. But it will also help you become a different person, and if the time comes, you will be a better mate for someone else. I have 4 kids with my stbxw, so believe me, i know LC is tough, but it can be done. I have to put up with her visiting the kids at my house 8hrs per week, but i stay inside and keep busy. You can do this. Stay Strong and keep posting. when you want to talk to her, post on here. put yourself first now. You cant control what she does, so as my priest told me the other day, "why waste energy on something that you cant change. use it on the things you can."

[Binster]

Good advice, nice one.

[hitbyatruck]

So ex has had an engagement ring on her finger for the past 2 months of her 4 month affair-relationship but today when she rang me to discuss something child-related she called me the pet name she has done so for a decade.

 

She corrected herself immediately but got very annoyed when I asked her to be careful how she refers to me and to not call me that anymore.

 

I'm pissed off. Confused.

 

Maybe it's much easier to walk away than it is to give up old habits?

[trippi1432]

Milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50, 60) find women analyzing their relationships more than usual. Often they find their relationship(s) lacking. The non-confrontational type won't say a thing to their partner and if their partner isn't unhappy, he/she probably won't pick up on the subtle clues that something is terribly wrong.

 

Women in this situation are notorious for burning bridges--they've made up their mind to leave long before the affair (a year or more before), and D-Day is the last step before getting out--not the first step to a discussion. See, non-confrontational types don't WANT to talk about it, they want to try to avoid the pain. It's very likely she blames you for the demise of the relationship and takes very little responsibility. That is how she has justified her decision to cheat.

 

Men in this situation aren't as likely to burn bridges.

 

Actually, both genders are prone to this at those age brackets of 30, 40,and 50....it's called mid-life crisis for men...as I said, both genders are prone to it. What I find as irony is that my family counselor said the exact same thing you stated verbatim about my ex...and he was getting ready to hit a milestone birthday when he walked out.

 

Like you HBT - my ex proclaimed his undying devotion to his "soulmate" within 6 weeks of our first reconciliation attempt and with 8 days of a second reconciliation attempt (but he met her jogging one day but was not having an affair with her...:laugh:). Luckily I have a sense of humor even after 15 years of a very miserable life with this man to look at that situation and think...(hmmm, why does that sound like Clinton's famous quote..."I DID NOT SLEEP WITH THAT WOMAN!!").

 

At any rate, read up on mid-life crisis for women and you can find information on what to expect and signals to look for if this is the case.

[hitbyatruck]

And yet again ex tells me she likes me, misses me and wants to be friends despite her being engaged to another man.

 

This just annoys me so much.

I'd rather that she hated me.