This Guy's Story.

[Binster]

Just keep on doing what your doing it's working for you

[hitbyatruck]

Ok. What I truly thought was going to be inevitable has now happened.

2 nights ago, my ex ("engaged" to my ex-friend - read above) called me while OM had briefly gone out, to tell me that she thinks she has made a mistake and still loves me. She told me that OM has picked up on her feelings. She had been drinking but certainly wasn't drunk. I'd been receiving friendly calls/texts for over a week that were not directly related to our child so I wasn't all that surprised when she called and said what she did.

 

We haven't spoken since but she has informed me (via email) that she is confused and will make no decisions for a few days. I agreed in return but encouraged her to contact me to talk it through when she is ready. I encouraged her to spend some time alone to sort her feelings out.

 

And I was just starting to get somewhere - now it gets hard again.

Such conflicting emotions running around my head - and hers I'm guessing.

Some people might respond by saying she is hedging her bets but I think she is truly confused and now I am quite worried for her. Maybe her fog is clearing? I would be lying if I said I wanted things to work between her and OM - look at the facts: who would? As the mother of my child I do want her to be happy though, in her own right.

 

Man, this can be hard!

[twisted&alone]

Well hitbyatruck, I am sorry that you are going through this, I was the walk a way wife.

 

I have read this tread and it has made me realize alot about myself and what I had being doing for the last 3 years to my ex husband.

 

You see I did blame everything on him, I chose not take responsibility for my actions, my failures, my lack of everything in our 7 year marriage. It was easier to blame him and move on thinking that the one out there is for me, that's how I justified my actions, my thought process, my everything the last few years.

 

I had a melt down the beginning of the year, literally! I knew at that time that I was to blame for more than I was admitting, I was lying to myself, my kids, my family, my ex husband, thinking that it was everyone elses fault but my own that my marriage failed.

 

I was in a fog, I was with another man for those 3 years, lying to him, to myself making it seem that it was better than it actually was. Living in the fantasy world and then all of a sudden coming to my senses and realizing what I had done wrong was alot for me, hence the melt down.

 

I called my ex, ( we are in constant communication because of our boy) I told him that I was sorry, I was sorry that I did not fight for our marriage, I told him that I am taking responsibility for what I had done wrong and the lack of caring that I showed throughout the separation, the back together, the separation again and finally the divorce, (all my doing).

 

I expressed what I truly felt in my heart, mind you it didn't do any good, he has moved on and he is truly happy in his life, but at least I told him that I was sorry and that it wasn't all of his fault, it was....me.

 

Now that is alot to take on, wow let me tell you, but I wanted you to know because I was the walk away wife, that when reality sets in and when the fog clears, that life, that marriage that you ruined before thinking that it wasn't what you wanted, you could do better, it was the life that I truly wanted the whole time.

 

I wish that others who are thinking that life is greener on the otherside would STOP! and reconsider everything, re-evaluate it it all before they jump the gun and be quick to destroy everything that they have.

 

Karam is a b#$*&, and when it comes around she smacks you hard and your left behind wondering what the heck just happened, while the one who was left has moved on without you.

 

I too am the WAW...although he left six weeks ago and nothing is final I feel it will be; the grass is greenier lasted for a month over four years ago but he just found out and even though I wasn't in a relationship with someone I did keep the angry, fighting, all his fault, ...

 

What she says is so true...the fog will clear and she will realize but don't put your life on hold or let it change the person you are; you sound like a nice man and a great father. Focus on rebuilding your life and the happiness of you and your child. One never knows what the future holds and love is never lost...not even in death...the way each of us handles our circumstances will be different, but you know her better than we do and you will know when the time comes what is best. I'm sorry and wish I could offer better advice/guidance ... best wishes

[seibert253]

Ok. What I truly thought was going to be inevitable has now happened.

2 nights ago, my ex ("engaged" to my ex-friend - read above) called me while OM had briefly gone out, to tell me that she thinks she has made a mistake and still loves me. She told me that OM has picked up on her feelings. She had been drinking but certainly wasn't drunk. I'd been receiving friendly calls/texts for over a week that were not directly related to our child so I wasn't all that surprised when she called and said what she did.

 

We haven't spoken since but she has informed me (via email) that she is confused and will make no decisions for a few days. I agreed in return but encouraged her to contact me to talk it through when she is ready. I encouraged her to spend some time alone to sort her feelings out.

 

And I was just starting to get somewhere - now it gets hard again.

Such conflicting emotions running around my head - and hers I'm guessing.

Some people might respond by saying she is hedging her bets but I think she is truly confused and now I am quite worried for her. Maybe her fog is clearing? I would be lying if I said I wanted things to work between her and OM - look at the facts: who would? As the mother of my child I do want her to be happy though, in her own right.

 

Man, this can be hard!

 

Sounds to me like the fog is clearing. Give her space, let her figure herself out. Whatever she does, you win.

Look, you've began to move on but this set you back abit. No problem.

If she decides she really f#cked up and wants to come back, guess who gets to make the decision if she does or does not; YOU.

If she decides not to come back, no problem. You've already began the moving on process, just start back where you left off.

 

Either way, it's gonna be difficult. In many respects, repairing the M and dealing with the damage and fall out is way more difficult than just ending it.

In any respect, it's what you want that matters.

 

Peace, and Good Luck

[hitbyatruck]

I fear that the path to reconcilliation is littered with obstacles.

 

Trust issues will need intensive work and intimacy somehow restored. Her feelings for OM and the ability to let them go is another hurdle.

 

If this road becomes an option, then I know there is no guarantee of it working even with very hard work from both of us. If the hard work pays off then great, but if the work becomes too much for either of us, then maybe it was never meant to be......but we could then say we did try.

 

In the meantime I will try to keep moving forward.

[hitbyatruck]

Well after the first heart to heart in months with ex recently (in person), it would appear that her relationship with OM is under some strain. She admitted to me that the fact that it started from an affair has both of them feeling regular guilt and OM paranoid that her deepest unresolved feelings may push her back to the LTR she ran from. OM has noticed her mixed feelings, This paranoia is exemplified by the engagement ring that appeared on her finger 6 weeks after we broke up.

On top of this, he messaged her 3 times when she didn't return home when expected.

 

I actually feel sorry for her now - She loves two men; is confused about "love" and "in love"; and I'm guessing that her heart and head are in conflict.

 

Heart says "I love both but in different ways".

 

Head says "I'm having fun now, it's fresh, the complexities & difficulties of LTR are gone but feel I'm missing something? What happens in 6 months?"

 

I have asked her to not f@#k me around for much longer as it is very unfair on me (and not that I really care, OM.)

 

Somebody mentioned to "just sit back and enjoy the show". I think this is quite apt as unless she takes the first step, I have no influence.

[hitbyatruck]

After 2 months of trying, an attempt at reconciliation has failed. I "hadn't changed enough" and she, despite my persistant yet supportive urging, wouldn't end contact with OM. She appeared to be trying though. 4 weeks in and she had a foot in each camp - by the end her feelings for OM were quite obvious. I asked for 100% but never got it. We both think that part of the reason she came back was to deal with the guilt associated with the way her affair blew up our R the first time. I should have seen this and run.

 

A week after split #2 she announces that she is going on holidays with OM in a week but won't be rushing back into a relationship with him. Yeah, right!

The realization that it had failed was quick this time. The shock, denial, confusion and depression lasted 7 days as opposed to 4 months last time. The anger is still there - I feel a bit used - but it will be gone before long.

 

What we got out of retrying was our friendship back. Unfortunately I can't see this as being viable if she resumes a relationship with OM.

 

I just don't care anymore. I'm pissed, but very relieved it's all over.

How long it takes before I trust another woman only time will tell.

[Steadfast]

I fully believe if someone loves you -truly- they simply will not engage in sexual relations with another. For the faithful, loving spouse, the idea (not the thought; we can and will meet people we're sexually attracted to) of being with someone else should be revolting. 'Being' would mean forsaking their spouse and family. This is why many draw the line at physical affairs.

 

I can understand the idea of a recon when children are involved and attempting to work past the cheaters issues, but it rarely works out.

 

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Still, it's OK that you tried. You love her. Unfortunately, she does not feel the same. Time to chalk it up to experience, let her go and move on with your healing. The good folks here and in the 'Coping' section can offer good advise. For now, I'd suggest a strong dose of LC. Only communicate about the child. Let her go and remind yourself that life can offer so much more. Hang in-

[Darren Steez]

Dude, its obvious all this time you've been waiting for her to change her mind and come back to you. She knows this well and is using how you feel about her against you in case this other relationship doesn't work out. Its difficult because a child is involved but my guess is once you start dating again and actually find someone, she'll will start changing her tune and try to get closer to you. Its fun to have two men in love with you, not so one, at least in her case. I don't think she loves you otherwise she wouldn't play with your feelings so cruelly. Don't stand for it, yes keep things civil for your child but is this truly the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with..apart from the fact she's screwing another man. Move on with your life, snap out of the everyday habits that tied you to her, find the new you, work out or find other activities to occupy your time. It starts with pride of oneself and how they feel about themselves and that its not based on what other people think. It is clichéd but its minute by minute bro and a lot of will power, both physical and mental, and once you tap into that strength and use it, it is amazing how far you will go, but withdrawal is a bitch especially from one you love. I see a lot of myself in you, I wont go into details but it starts with a phone call, if she calls ignore it, if she leaves a message saying just wanted to say hi and all that nonsense then delete it, in fact delete all her messages, she's not your friend right now..the mother of your child yes but not your friend, not if you want to move forward with your life. Keep everything strictly child related, and if she calls you a pet name don't call attention it or get angry and say stop calling me that, let it slide, ignore it. Good luck pal, and keep us updated on the progress.

[hitbyatruck]

I was moving on ok a few months ago but was expecting her to return. In the back of my mind I always was waiting. That time came. I told her for "it" to work we would both have to put a lot of work in. Not enough work was done on either part. We both fell back into the same traps and became too comfortable. By the time we got into R counselling it was too late - the horse had bolted.

 

Many here have advised that reconcilliation/second chances rarely work. In my case there was just too much water under the bridge and, realistically, far too much work to fix things. I'm a very patient and passionate person and could have waited quite a bit longer but not without a commitment, which I didn't get.

 

If a relationship, new or old, requires constant attention (work?) then surely that can't ever be enjoyable.

 

All I know now is that if she ever tries to "come back" again (she will always be in my life due to our child) then she will need a sledge-hammer to break through the armour.

[iheartboobs]

Ex was definitely unhappy with our situation - had been for months - she hated the state of our relationship but she didn't hate me, and thankfully still doesn't. I've lost quite a few pounds which I needed to - the breakup diet worked great - so maybe she's seeing what could have been. Without any disrespect to all the mothers here, her unwillingness to lose the majority of her baby weight (after 2 years) did affect my attraction to her, something that greatly offended her everytime I said that it was a factor in our sex life. She refused to see things from my perspective. I was expected to be sexually attracted to her NO MATTER WHAT. Life doesn't work like that - love and sex are two very different things. She is an intelligent, compassionate person but I often became very frustrated with her inability to see things from my perspective. To her current benefit, OM has a history of a few chubby girlfriends.

 

I wonder what a lack of a father (or father figure) from a very early age has had on the events of this year?

 

I feel you, I went through the same thing... my wife gained a lot of weight when she was pregnant and only started to really lose it 3 years later when she left me. She would tell me to be completely honest and ask her if I thought she'd be more attractive physically if she lost the weight, and I'd tell her yes... it wasn't until after she left that I found out she considered this to be emotional abuse. She always put so much importance on people's looks and, I guess, couldn't tell the difference between love and lust. I never loved her any less, no matter what she looked like, but she just never could understand that.

 

After she left, she hooked up with a buddy (loose term, but I have tried in the past to help him get his act together) of mine (the story's on this forum), a real loser through and through... by all accounts but their's, more than a few steps down from me. As far as I can tell he has nothing to offer, but she's convinced he's her soul mate, that they have so much in common (which, it turns out, is true), and that they connect on so many levels. It's really quite sickening.

 

My ex also grew up w/o a father figure of any type, had a traumatic childhood and adolescence, and, as a result, is a fairly messed up individual.

 

So, I just want you to know, your situation isn't unique... others have and are going through the same. It hurts and it sucks, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually, you get to the point where what she does doesn't hurt you or anger you, you don't hate her or particularly care for her... she simply is and you have completely moved on. I'm not quite there yet, my ex can still get under my skin from time to time... but I never want her back, or wish things could have been different. I'm close and I hope to see you on the other side. Good luck, man.

[hitbyatruck]

Here's where I'm at:

 

I accept that my Long Term Relationship broke down.

I accept that the woman I deeply loved had an affair & left me for a friend of ours.

I accept that I will go days without seeing my child instead of daily.

I accept that she came back after 4 months to resolve her guilt and end things on better terms.

I accept that reconcilliation failed because of incompatibility issues.

I accept that reconcilliation failed due to her continuing feelings for OM.

I accept that ex and OM are in love.

I accept that moving forward in my own personal life in every way is my only option.

I accept that for the good of our child and because we both want to, we should remain friendly toward each other.

 

I cannot accept that a true friendship can exist with the woman who I loved as a partner and still love as the mother of my child while she continues a relationship with the person who came between us and contributed to the most extended painful experience of my life.

 

I am not a religious person in the slightest so my forgiveness is not related to clearing a path to a higher eternity. I think I am a forgiving person, though I do have my limits. I feel that by accepting or condoning OM's role in all of this would be a huge emotional compromise. I know it would solve a lot of heartache to just be able to say (at least to myself) that "I don't mind that this guy made my life a living hell by his actions/motives but hey, that's ok - I forgive him".

 

I just cannot do it.

 

Forgiving my ex has been much easier - romantic feelings for her are rapidly fading, as are the bad memories. This sounds selfish but I have more to gain by forgiving the mother of my child than a good friend who I saw rarely.

 

I think a trip back to my counsellor is on the cards.

 

All comments welcome.

 

Thanks,

 

Hit.

[iheartboobs]

I believe you are doing very well. You've accepted what is and, even if friendship with the ex is completely out of the question (which I agree it is), you've decided that the two of you can have a civil relationship for your child's sake.

 

As far as forgiving the OM is concerned, let me say that I am very religious. I pray, I read my bible, and I believe that forgivness is good for the soul. That being said, seriously, **** that guy. You have no reason to be on any terms, friendly or otherwise, with **** like him.

[andrew-bkk]

Here's where I'm at:

 

I accept that my Long Term Relationship broke down.

I accept that the woman I deeply loved had an affair & left me for a friend of ours.

I accept that I will go days without seeing my child instead of daily.

I accept that she came back after 4 months to resolve her guilt and end things on better terms.

I accept that reconcilliation failed because of incompatibility issues.

I accept that reconcilliation failed due to her continuing feelings for OM.

I accept that ex and OM are in love.

I accept that moving forward in my own personal life in every way is my only option.

I accept that for the good of our child and because we both want to, we should remain friendly toward each other.

 

I cannot accept that a true friendship can exist with the woman who I loved as a partner and still love as the mother of my child while she continues a relationship with the person who came between us and contributed to the most extended painful experience of my life.

 

I am not a religious person in the slightest so my forgiveness is not related to clearing a path to a higher eternity. I think I am a forgiving person, though I do have my limits. I feel that by accepting or condoning OM's role in all of this would be a huge emotional compromise. I know it would solve a lot of heartache to just be able to say (at least to myself) that "I don't mind that this guy made my life a living hell by his actions/motives but hey, that's ok - I forgive him".

 

I just cannot do it.

 

Forgiving my ex has been much easier - romantic feelings for her are rapidly fading, as are the bad memories. This sounds selfish but I have more to gain by forgiving the mother of my child than a good friend who I saw rarely.

 

I think a trip back to my counsellor is on the cards.

 

All comments welcome.

 

Thanks,

 

Hit.

 

Hi there

 

Your story is very similar to mine.

 

I'm 46 and my ex is 36. We too were together (without being married) for ten and a half years. When she started cheating a few months ago, our son was five. He has since turned six. The man she cheated with is 63.

 

It's all to do with infatuation and fantasies and immaturity. Oh -- and did I mention money?

 

My ex loves football. In the USA you'd call it soccer. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, think of David Beckham.

 

So anyway, into her life walks this 63 year old man. And he's the coach of the top football team here in Thailand.

 

Imagine the glamour! Imagine the wealth! Imagine the fantasy!

 

And now she's gone.

 

I told her to leave about three months ago.

 

And yeah -- I had all the "we WILL get back together" garbage. And I had all that "we will be best friends" nonsense.

 

None of this works. It's basically a form of control.

 

Initially I was destroyed. But I'm good now. The key is to understand and to adapt and to move on and to let the past go.

 

At first, I too could not accept the OM's role in all of this. It occurred to me that a great solution would be to have him taken out. It's quite easy to arrange things like that here in Thailand. But I never thought about this too seriously, and now I no longer think about it all.

 

Ultimately you will get over everything and come to accept that the past is the past.

 

And remember, your ten year romance brought new life into this world, and I sincerely hope that your offspring is every bit as gorgeous as mine.

 

Have a great day!

Edited October 26, 2010 by andrew-bkk

[hitbyatruck]

What hurts and angers me the most is that this broken relationship of 10+ years (including the recent failed reconcilliation) has resulted in me only seeing my 2yo child 2 or 3 times per week. All the work, hobbies, movies, gym & other distractions don't cover for the fact that I can't kiss my kid goodnight or see him first thing in the morning all sleepy, often for 4 or 5 days on end. Separation anxiety doesn't just happen to mothers, that's for sure.

 

I should change my handle now as I don't feel like I've been "hit by a truck" anymore - just really pissed off part of every single day, which doesn't surprise me given the bull$hit I've been through this year. I'll be glad when the year is out. January 1, 2011 can be yet another symbol of restarting my life in every way.

[iheartboobs]

Screw the new year. November 4, 2010 is a just as good, if not better, day to restart your life in every way. Don't wait around for some arbitrary date to feel better, do it now.

[hitbyatruck]

I'm committed to LC these days with only child-related contact, but in the last week Ms. Ex has not only commented favourably on my looks at changeover, but message contact from her has been increased three-fold also. All of this was kid related but most of it non-essential - it could have waited until drop off. I could be misinterpreting her but I am beginning to feel (or fear?) that history could repeat itself.........again.

[wicar1]

Hi. My Story:

 

Me: 33yo guy.

Ex: 31yo.

2 yr old child.

Together 10yrs - not all roses....equal measures of good & bad. Life. Love.

Not married, but fully committed (until recently).

No major assets to divide.

4mths ago mutual friend moves nearby from interstate.

Ex falls for my (now ex) friend. Emotional affair first, then physical.

Admission. I leave.

Good access to child.

Ex announces 6wks later that she is engaged to be married.

So fast I can't really believe it.

Seems forced, pressured.

Happy moving forward most of the time but I am sometimes hopeful, sometimes fearful that she might wake up from the "whirlwind romance/fling?" and attempt to reconcile.

Anybody else been in a similar situation?

 

Thanks.

 

Good for you you are not married to her.... you are better off without her.

Are you sure the affair started after your mutual friend moved closer to your place. Seems to me as if he moved closer to your place with the intention of marrying your ex. It seems to be they were banging behind your back way before you know.

 

I strongly believe you should do a paternity test just to make sure the child is yours.

[hitbyatruck]

Kid is 100% mine & 100% not OM's.

 

OM has family here & came for reasons not to do with ex.

I watched the friendship develop (we had major problems at the time) and suspected EA for a month or more.

 

I couldn't stop it becoming PA no matter what I did - she was gone.

Ex has admitted that PA had been going 2 weeks when she didn't come home one night.

 

When you know someone better than they know themselves you can tell when they are lying or telling the truth.

[wicar1]

Kid is 100% mine & 100% not OM's.

 

OM has family here & came for reasons not to do with ex.

I watched the friendship develop (we had major problems at the time) and suspected EA for a month or more.

 

I couldn't stop it becoming PA no matter what I did - she was gone.

Ex has admitted that PA had been going 2 weeks when she didn't come home one night.

 

When you know someone better than they know themselves you can tell when they are lying or telling the truth.

 

It is clear she has chosen what she wants, a selfish and a filthy choice which is hurting you. She has broken the trust. She has cheated, sneaked behind your back. She did it once if you take her back I am sure she will do it again. She is not setting any good example for her child. A cheater is not marriage or family material. Waiting for her is nothing but a waste of your precious time and energy. It's like buying a rotten egg, not worth it.

Besides you dont deserve a cheater, you deserve someone trustworthy.

 

You can be friends with her only for the sake of smooth access to your child.

 

The most important thing is you have to accept it and have to move on. May be start dating again. She's not the last woman on earth. You will find someone far far better than her.

[daisydufas22]

Hi. My Story:

 

Me: 33yo guy.

Ex: 31yo.

2 yr old child.

Together 10yrs - not all roses....equal measures of good & bad. Life. Love.

Not married, but fully committed (until recently).

No major assets to divide.

4mths ago mutual friend moves nearby from interstate.

Ex falls for my (now ex) friend. Emotional affair first, then physical.

Admission. I leave.

Good access to child.

Ex announces 6wks later that she is engaged to be married.

So fast I can't really believe it.

Seems forced, pressured.

Happy moving forward most of the time but I am sometimes hopeful, sometimes fearful that she might wake up from the "whirlwind romance/fling?" and attempt to reconcile.

Anybody else been in a similar situation?

 

Thanks.

 

Why would you want to reconcile? She treated you poorly and you deserve better - HER LOSS!

 

Of course she will wake up one day and wonder why she did what she did....Nobody could ever match you.

[hitbyatruck]

Why does she keep calling and texting me to tell me about my child's day? For the last few weeks she has called me just as I have driven off around the corner, literally 2 mins after I've dropped our kid back to her, each time about something not very important. Is it guilt again or something more?

 

This is killing me.

 

I know her so well and sense in her words, tone and behavior that she is trying to reconnect but something is holding her back. She's not evil and I would like to think that she is not playing mind games to feed her ego. I show her no affection in our communication - although the temptation is there.

Love is complex and despite what she has done there is still love between us.

 

I am so fxxking confused right now that I just want to fast forward my life so that I know where I stand. I could ask her right now but that just breaks the rules.

 

Does she want my friendship or does she want to start again again again???

 

I now know why people take drugs ;-()

[wicar1]

Why does she keep calling and texting me to tell me about my child's day? For the last few weeks she has called me just as I have driven off around the corner, literally 2 mins after I've dropped our kid back to her, each time about something not very important. Is it guilt again or something more?

 

This is killing me.

 

I know her so well and sense in her words, tone and behavior that she is trying to reconnect but something is holding her back. She's not evil and I would like to think that she is not playing mind games to feed her ego. I show her no affection in our communication - although the temptation is there.

Love is complex and despite what she has done there is still love between us.

 

I am so fxxking confused right now that I just want to fast forward my life so that I know where I stand. I could ask her right now but that just breaks the rules.

 

Does she want my friendship or does she want to start again again again???

 

I now know why people take drugs ;-()

 

-Does she want my friendship or does she want to start again again again???

I think she wants to come back but it doesnt matter does it?? unless you wanna take her back and have more pain from her.

 

Anyway you can be just a friend and that is only for smooth access to your child. Do not start a relationship again. By now you know how much pain and trouble she has caused, and 99.99% of the time she will repeat it given a chance. She is just another s**** cheater, leave her and move on. You deserve someone better.

[hitbyatruck]

-Does she want my friendship or does she want to start again again again???

I think she wants to come back but it doesnt matter does it?? unless you wanna take her back and have more pain from her.

 

Anyway you can be just a friend and that is only for smooth access to your child. Do not start a relationship again. By now you know how much pain and trouble she has caused, and 99.99% of the time she will repeat it given a chance. She is just another s**** cheater, leave her and move on. You deserve someone better.

 

Advice taken.

 

But if the force that is evidently directing her back to the father of her child is the same force that is preventing me from moving on from the mother of my child, then why shouldn't I wait to see if nature takes it's course?

 

Many here are not hesitant in advising bridge-burning.

 

I am a very patient person.

 

Does the fact that she had an affair and left her son's father define her character indefinitely?

 

Does it come down to a case of:

 

"Once a cheater always a cheater" vs. "True love, family, children, understanding, compromise" ?

[wicar1]

?

 

 

But if the force that is evidently directing her back to the father of her child is the same force that is preventing me from moving on from the mother of my child, then why shouldn't I wait to see if nature takes it's course?

if this force ...is directing her back to her child's father, why did in the first place ,made her leave you??? Anyway she cheted with the OM while she was with you. Assuming she's trying to comeback to you again, isnt it cheating against OM. What is she a sex tourist ??? moving here and there between men. Do you really think it's worth spending the rest of your life with this woman? She did it once, she might do again. Anyway how many times do you want her to cheat for byou to believe she's not worth it. It's just you think you cannot move on without her. But it isnt true. You can move on.

 

Does the fact that she had an affair and left her son's father define her character indefinitely?

Yes it does. She left you cause she thought she found a better guy. May be she's tryig to come back to you cause now she thinks OM is nothing better from you may be worse. Assuming you take her back, again if she thinks she found a better guy ??? You can argue that she probably learnt her lesson. Has she really learnt the lesson? Is she gonna stick to you, only time can tell. But for all her lessons and actions you are the one who has paid the price and in the future you are the one who's gonna pay the price. Still do you think it is worth it?

 

- "Once a cheater always a cheater" vs. "True love, family, children, understanding, compromise"

"Once a cheater always a cheater" yes.

"True love, family, children, understanding, compromise" - True love never cheats except for in movies. If she really loved you why did she leave? Had she really cared for the family why leave? also she cheated with your friend?? Can you leave her alone with another friend? Understanding, compromise... you cannot compromise with a cheater. Cheaters lack class.