Women who cheat to cheat

[Untouchable_Fire]

Well, it has definitely nothing to do with how he was bad, but with how I was wrong for him.

My bf was just great in relationship, maybe the best I could have, but he was not someone I wanted to be with - and those are different things. I simply didn't love him. And because he was so great and relationship so great (I'd even say perfect), I couldn't find the way out.

I do agree with LSNoob, that cheating is a way weak people behave. I couldn't find enough strength to be honest and just say the words "I don't love you and I want out". And this was my way to say it. I never asked him to give me another chance or bla-bla-bla, because I knew that it would only make things worse, I broke up with him. It was like I couldn't break up with him without having a reason enough - I was afraid that he wouldn't understand (because he never really understood me) and wouldn't let me out.

I know, that it might have been a wrong way, that a usual, normal break-up wouldn't cause so much pain for both of us, but I couldn't see another way out. I was immature and really weak at the time. I now feel much stronger and not afraid to think and talk about what I did wrong.

Right now my conscious decision is to be alone and work on myself, until I feel that I grew up enough for a commitment. Then I can look for SO, without hurting myself and others.

What I am trying to tell is that infidelity is how some people say they don't love you. That's all.

And I also don't believe that a cheater once is always a cheater. I now think that in my future relationship (I hope it will happen some day:o) I won't have a need to cheat, for any reason, whatever that can be.

 

I think you have some big issues to work out. Seriously... at what point would you consider yourself ready for a relationship?

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I notice some things from what your write here that are red flags. First, you seem to have some conflict avoidance issues, probably coupled with self esteem problems. Second and perhaps most troubling is the amount of rationalizing/blame-shifting you do. Lastly, I don't recognize any remorse for the hurt you cause others... in other words a lack of empathy.

 

Overall these may just be maturity issues. I wasn't much different in my youth.

[pureinheart]

I believed this is the first time I've run into one like that. My ex did not know why she cheated but kept apologizing. According to her there was nothing lacking in me nor the relationship but couldn't explained what happened within her.

Is this now happening to other men or is it just me? How can she not know why she cheated?

Or are there women like her who cheat to cheat for no good reason at all (but to screw OM)?:mad:

 

I thought that was typically a male cheater's behavior while the woman tend most likely do it if something is missing within the relationship not just screw any man out of no where?

 

This wasn't even a known friend or relative. She met this guy online and went to his house.

 

There is a reason...some people, as this is not just a male/female thing...have some serious issues..I'm not saying that to make light of it either. They are hurting very badly deep down inside...possible rape victims, just to name one of the many possibilities.

[driedout]

There is a reason...some people, as this is not just a male/female thing...have some serious issues..I'm not saying that to make light of it either. They are hurting very badly deep down inside...possible rape victims, just to name one of the many possibilities.

It doesn't really matter to me whether my ex was a possible rape victim because in the end there was no excuse for cheating. Many rape victims don't cheat.

[driedout]

Hey driedup---How did you catch her????? What happened when you confronted her?????? Could she give you any kind of reasoning at all for wrecking the engagement, and 2 lives.

 

Why did she say she started the whole thing online with him in the 1st place???????

 

Did she try to tell you she loved you after you caught her???? I never will understand what kind of love that is-----how do you love someone, and spread your legs for someone else---full well knowing the horrible repercussions it will cause----Some kind of love!!!!!!!!

 

Please tell me about the catching, and confronting, the why's and thinking, if it doesn't hurt you to talk about it----thanx

I was going to surprise her with an engagement ring and set the day within two months later as I'm into getting things done as ASAP and really felt sure I was marrying the right woman. She was in the bathroom at that moment and her cell phone happened to beeped. I picked it by accident and immediately found incriminating text messages from another man. It said things such as What a lovely night we had, hope your boyfriend (can't believe they were talking about me also) doesn't find out and see again tomorrow. I didn't know how to react in that instance. I confronted her in that instance and she tried denying but told her I talked to the guy already and he told me everything. In reality, I never talked to the guy but that's the only way I mange to get the truth out of her.

I told her Do you know I was about to ask you to be my wife (showing her the ring I had) but now I don't ever want to see your face again, disgusting whore. Nothing but nasty words came from my mouth as she stood there crying telling me it was a mistake and that he meant nothing.

 

I left quickly and angrily slammed the door on the way out. The next day I get tearful messages from her. She called me again yesterday (it was an a restricted number so she got me by surprise) asking if there was any chance of reconciliation and how she would do anything to regain my trust. I quickly said No there isn't and hanged up.