She won't leave us alone.

[tami-chan]

What I am trying to say is that an OW having sex in the marital bed is more about intrusion on another woman's territory than competition. Do you agree with me on that?

 

I agree with you JJ. It is an intrusion of territory-an outward manifestation that "not only am I with your H, I can also do it in your marital bed". Not cool.

 

Makes one wonder what is the H thinking? Why is he willing to not only disrespect the wife by cheating but also doing it on their marital bed? You know, normally, the OW will not be able to enter the home, much less, the bedroom without invitation from the MM.

[tami-chan]

Oh, I completely get why Jane would feel that way. What I don't get is that the story seems to be that Jane has a great deal to lose: potentially her job and an (on-the-surface) stable marriage. As she weighs the potential consequences of "outing" Billie and John's affair, doesn't it seem clear that there's a significant risk of her own affair being revealed in the process, possibly destroying her own job and marriage?

 

Yes, but Jane is nuts. She is probably betting that John( or Billie) would choose to break up for fear that she (Jane) would lose it all together.

[tami-chan]

I know, right? How could anyone think otherwise?

 

Indeed. Good thing nobody thought otherwise.

[jennie-jennie]

To a degree yes, I agree. But there's absolutely, to my mind, a psychological component of competition in the case of the OW having sex in the marital bed. But what does it matter how you want to label it? It's still disgusting and warrants using the icon. I stand by my "interesting" reaction.

 

Oh, your reaction is appropriate, I just find it interesting to discuss the dynamics behind it. I am always trying to dig deeper than the eye can see.

[jennie-jennie]

I agree with you JJ. It is an intrusion of territory-an outward manifestation that "not only am I with your H, I can also do it in your marital bed". Not cool.

 

Makes one wonder what is the H thinking? Why is he willing to not only disrespect the wife by cheating but also doing it on their marital bed? You know, normally, the OW will not be able to enter the home, much less, the bedroom without invitation from the MM.

 

Now we are getting somewhere. Why is everyone trying to pin this on the OW when it is the WS who has invited her? Isn't the marital bed just like any other bed to her, while it to the WS should represent the marriage?

[bentnotbroken]

Here's what I would find interesting . . . The reaction of the OW if the H made love to the W in the OW's bed, or wherever H and OW's "special place" is. Now the reaction of the OW to that - that reaction would be "interesting."

 

 

What an "intriguing" idea.

[White Flower]

Hi White flower, thanks your experience is much appreciated!!

 

I don't think I could ever call her bluff, it is tempting but I don't want to be responsible for breaking up two marriages, let alone one . Also I have been in love with someone before and they didn't want me so I know how she feels. When I spoke with jane I told her that the problem is not me, as if he wasn't seeing me, he would be seeing another woman.

 

I was looking for excitement, I work long hours and find it difficult to meet people that I feel I can connect with. When I met john I felt we had similarities so I went for it. I was on my own, lonely and wanted a bit of fun in my life.... Probably got a little more than I bargined for though!!

 

I really don't think he is seeing someone else or continuing to have an affair with jane, if I found out otherwise I would walk away.

 

I probably should walk away now but don't want to, right now it is better being with him than having no one and he is caring and good to me and I care for him but do get frustrated with this strange situation.

 

I guess I'm not looking for answers, just a place to vent.

 

Thanks for allowing me to do that!!

You're welcome Billie. Oh, and calling her bluff isn't necessarily going to break up her M. It will probably be just the tool you need to get her to back off and give her the wake up call she needs to save her own M. I hear so many BS use the same tactic and it pretty much works. Remember, she has more to lose than you do.

[jennie-jennie]

I don't know about that. One poster said my response was "interesting." That implies disagreement wouldn't you say? I saw nothing "interesting" about my reaction. It was a normal one in my view.

 

But what really causes this strong reaction? That is what I am interested in. Why is it so disgusting? Wherein lies the offense?

 

I have been the BS too as many of you know. My ex had sex with this (truthfully) nutcase of an OW in our marital bed. What got to me the most was that I had to clean up the mess after her. One of the things she had left behind was her used sanitary protection. Now that is disgusting.

[White Flower]

Hi Billie!

 

I think you should take Jane to the side and talk to her. Tell her, you do not want her interfering with your relationship with John if she wants to keep her marriage and her friendship with John's wife, otherwise, you are going to have a talk with her husband and John's wife. You see, you are not vested in a way that you see the "future" with him and can afford to drop him. Give her the choice.

 

Ok,maybe that is not you. I wouldn't do this either. But you know if this is too much trouble I would not waste any more time trying to deal with a ticking time bomb who is not even the wife!

Exactly! (Just read this)

[jennie-jennie]

Here's what I would find interesting . . . The reaction of the OW if the H made love to the W in the OW's bed, or wherever H and OW's "special place" is. Now the reaction of the OW to that - that reaction would be "interesting."

 

This doesn't compare since the OW's bed is her bed alone. It would only compare if the OW and WS were living together, so it was his bed as well.

[White Flower]

Interesting is just that "interesting". I think it is interesting that people(including BSs) think it is disgusting for people involved in an affair to have sex in the AP's marital bed, but yet, still have sex with their cheating husbands/wives. It should be equally disgusting, JMHO.

It is interesting and I apologize in advance for going off topic but I think the debate lies in the fact that most MPs believe M is sacred; therefore, it is ok for them to return to the defiled M bed for that reason.

[Fieldsofgold]

Interesting is just that "interesting". I think it is interesting that people(including BSs) think it is disgusting for people involved in an affair to have sex in the AP's marital bed, but yet, still have sex with their cheating husbands/wives. It should be equally disgusting, JMHO.

 

A very good point.

[tami-chan]

If you want to interpret that in your own way, be my guest.

 

There is no other way of initially interpreting anybody's post here but in our own way. So, thanks, but I did not need your permission.

[jennie-jennie]

Interesting is just that "interesting". I think it is interesting that people(including BSs) think it is disgusting for people involved in an affair to have sex in the AP's marital bed, but yet, still have sex with their cheating husbands/wives. It should be equally disgusting, JMHO.

 

Now THAT'S interesting!

 

It's ALL disgusting.:sick: But again, the response that my post was "interesting" leads me to believe that the person who posted that didn't find the whole thing to be as disgusting as I did. If you want to interpret that in your own way, be my guest.

 

If I say "interesting", I mean "interesting". I too reacted to that blog.

 

But, as you can see from my posts above, I am always willing to go further and investigate what lies beyond my initial reaction.

[Fallen Angel]

Wow. This thread has really lost it's way!

 

OP,

 

Your MM's fOW is like many women after the ending of a relationship. They simply do not want to see their former partner moving on and happy with someone else. It does not mean that he is still in a relationship with her. He may be, but her behaviour is not a clear indicator one way or another.

 

I have been separated from my exH for alomst three years, moved half way across the country to get away from him over two years ago, and have been divorced (finalized) for over a year now. He still refers to me as his wife. He still tells his current live in that when his wife "comes home" she will be out the door. He still questions everyone who may have any contact with me about the details of my life.

 

He simply does not know how to let go. Given the opportunity to interfere with my current intimate relationship, he would do so. It is simply that he is unable to do so that keeps him at bay.

 

Were he to find out that I had moved on to a new relationship with a different man, I am sure that he would do all in his power to interfere. He attmepted to cause problems in my current relationship but his attempts failed and so he has backed off for the time being. *shrug*

 

I would suggest that you decide if this relationship is worth the hassle. If all you are interested in is a good time, perhaps this is not the relationship you should be in, as it seems to be quite a sticky situation.