Errol Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 I've been reading your posts -- you have several different topics about your current gf and how you two are not compatible. Your priorities are not the same -- exercise and physical fitness are in the top of your list, and apparently much lower on her list. she can't seem to get past your previous marriage. You have issues with oral sex with her, and she doesn't treat you very well - you bear the brunt of her tirades. Why are you with her? What is it about her that keeps you with her? It doesn't sound like you two will ever be truly compatible. Is it that you just don't want to be alone? I'm curious what your response will be about your reasons for staying with her. Please don't say "because I love her" there has to be more to it then that. Loving someone doesn't mean that you will be compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Hey Errol I am in the same boat. I only stay married for my kid and because at age 40 I don't want to lose everything and try to start over. So I suffer my fate in they unhappy marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Doniker... what makes you and your wife non-compatible. When did you realize that you were not compatible? Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 My wife and I met over 9 years ago at a bar. We were both drunk. 2 hours later we were at her place having sex. Over the next year we occasionally got together to go drinking and to have sex. I never really liked her and tried several times to get rid of her. But the sex was good and I didn't have anything else going on back then. Well next thing I know she is pregnant and I did the what I thought was the right thing and married her. I have grown to care about my wife and we have built a good life together, we are financially comfortable and get along OK. We don't sleep in the same bed, rarely have sex, and are like roommates. Can I go on like this forever....its hard to say. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Damn... Okay... I'll try to not let that happen to me... Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
roccoandraddo Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 I guess it's a textbook rebound, due to the time frame in which it happened. I met her shortly after I divorced my ex, but it wasn't because I was out looking. I guess I always have my eyes open, not in the leacherous predator kind of way but in the I'm-not-blind-or-gay kind of way. I was intrigued by her because she was different in a good way, not shallow, stupid, or slutty, and because she is very cute. I stay with her partly out of routine, partly because we've made so many verbal commitments that I can't back out (I know we're not married), because we can communicate well, because we have similar beliefs and views on many topics, like religion, children, work, family, and some hobbies. I do love her, we do things together that are mutually enjoyable for us. We both enjoy the outdoors, just to different extents. I would rate our compatability as "enough". She doesn't mind sitting around and watching TV for hours at a time, whereas I would rather be outdoors or doing something else and TV drives me nuts real quick. I can picture having a stable, happy family life with her in the future, enjoying raising kids, and enjoying our home together. I know she won't cheat on me too, and that means something these days. I guess we need to work through stuff and not just ignore it... Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Originally posted by roccoandraddo I stay with her partly out of routine, partly because we've made so many verbal commitments that I can't back out (I know we're not married) I suggest you rethink this statement before it comes true. I can picture having a stable, happy family life with her in the future, enjoying raising kids, and enjoying our home together. Don't find someone with whom you could fathom happiness, wait until you find someone without whom you can't fathom happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Dyer... I still can't believe you are a teenager... good for you if you are. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 ...we've made so many verbal commitments that I can't back out... WADR, this is just silly. You mean stuff like, "I'll love you for ever" and "I'll always belong to you heart and soul"?? And to you that's the same as a marriage vow??? Yes, you CAN back out. Otherwise we would all be married to our 12 year old crush targets. I'll speak from the heart and say, I think you're making a mistake. You describe her in terms that are, shall we say, less than passionate. At this stage, you should be BONKERS about her! And let's forget things like sex and religion for now. Other people will tell you how important compatibility is in that area. I'm telling you that if one person is perfectly happy with their butt glued to the couch for 5 hours at a stretch, staring at a glowing box, and the other has got lots of get up and go, it ain't going to be pretty. Let her go and find a couch potato to plant himself next to her. She's very cute, not a slut, and won't cheat. Great. But maybe you'll find yourself at your wit's end, 10 years from now, when she decides that after 2 or 3 kids, not only does she not give head, she no longer enjoys penile-vaginal contact either. Even the strongest convictions and beliefs can be sorely tested when your lifetime partner gives signs of never wanting to get it on with you ever again. I am afraid she has several indications that this may happen. Any chance you're just clinging to her because she's there, and is not grossly unsuitable, and you're on the rebound and do not want to be alone? Link to post Share on other sites
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