Narf Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 TheAMan... Reading this whole post frustrated me, yes people put you on the defensive and so you attacked back but what they were saying was perfect if you want to understand why you are where you are... "loving" 2 girls. I use the term loving very loosely. As my definition and your vary greatly. Your current g/f, if she knows the whole story (you loving your ex and still talking to her) must be going insane... What about hurting her?? She might be in denial currently because you have chosen her... however when she figures it out and feels that you betrayed her by keeping #2 around until you figured out, that you wanted out. I am not sure how she will feel... *fingers crossed* she will never realise it OR she will forgive eh? Props to you that you have told girl #2 that it is over, by the way saying the same thing over and over will not hurt her more... It is just the stages of grief kicking in for her, denial, anger, depression all that fun stuff, but she will get to acceptance, if you keep the message clear and the same. I think it is funny that you only realised you should leave girl #2 alone AFTER someone pointed out you wont be disappointing her... Due to the fact you already LEFT her... Good luck! I guess the only good thing here is you came for advice and hopefully you will learn from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted July 9, 2010 Author Share Posted July 9, 2010 Oh I get it. And my opinion of it has not changed from my first post in this thread. My tone changed when you jumped on the "you're just bitter and man hating" response to people in this thread. In my own experiences. People who jump to gender to invalidate people's input rarely are able to lend much credibility to the gender they seek to invalidate. Which might be why you find it acceptable enough to be in the position to string these two people on like you're doing. I doubt you consciously intended to do it, but your actions were choices you made of free will and not ones you had to make. The best, least painful way to remove a bandage is to rip it off. The best, least painful way to dump someone is to ensure they HAVE to get on without you. Sally! Like I said, i thought we were past that. I was the one who admitted it was wrong and suggested we stop the mud slinging and move on. Why do you keep bringing it up? It's obvious is festering, and making you aggressive and its keeping you in stand off mode. While your band-aid advise seems somewhat sound and worthy of consideration, its makes it kinda hard to accept as objective. Let it go Sally. Once again, I forgive you. I have said that several times now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted July 9, 2010 Author Share Posted July 9, 2010 theAman, there is no way to get out of your situation without hurting one of them. You already made your choice when you left girl #2 to go back with girl #1 (your ex). At that point you should have been truthful to girl #2 and told her you were still in love with your ex and felt you couldn't be without her. At that point you should move on and never contact her again regardless of what you feel for her. If you really loved her you would let her go. You have already acknowledged that you had to have your ex back. You are a full grown man and you know what you have to do - let girl #2 go. Basically what I am saying is there is no choice to make. You already made it just do the right thing and let girl #2 go. BTW, why were you still hooking up with your ex when you were involved in a relationship with girl #2? Definitely see your point. I will consider it for sure. Thanks for the input! Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted July 9, 2010 Author Share Posted July 9, 2010 Yes OP, it is only I who can't figure out why you whine about the situation and act like there is nothing you can do about it now. Nothing festering, and how does one get aggressive in text? From what I can see all it takes if for us to not pity you in your problem. How about you let it go? All the excuses. You broke up with your GF of many years because she didn't seem to want to do nice things for you? and now that you're back with her - you can't do this one nice thing for you both? Dust off the other girl or dust off your long term GF, but don't pretend you're stuck and helpless. I put it to you AGAIN, how would you want it handled it you were one of two? Now go do THAT. Again Sally?? "whine"? That is a derogatory description. I would have said something more along the lines of "communicated". It's ok to have all of these opinions Sally, but when I can see the disrespectful way you present them, they are hard to take as genuine. I am sure how you can see how one detects malice in them. Other wise, I would definitely consider them. And again, I have let it go. And again, I forgive your indiscretion here. Something tells me deep down, your ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted July 9, 2010 Author Share Posted July 9, 2010 theAman, there is no way to get out of your situation without hurting one of them. You already made your choice when you left girl #2 to go back with girl #1 (your ex). At that point you should have been truthful to girl #2 and told her you were still in love with your ex and felt you couldn't be without her. At that point you should move on and never contact her again regardless of what you feel for her. If you really loved her you would let her go. You have already acknowledged that you had to have your ex back. You are a full grown man and you know what you have to do - let girl #2 go. Basically what I am saying is there is no choice to make. You already made it just do the right thing and let girl #2 go. BTW, why were you still hooking up with your ex when you were involved in a relationship with girl #2? Thanks for the thoughts. I will consider what you have said carefully. However, I am not sure why you have the impression I was hooking up with my ex when i was involved with girl # 2. I was not. That's not how I roll. Just so ya know. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 Between the 3/4 of a year we were split up, we were "hooking up" from time to time. It was like we were still together with out the pressures of a relationship in some strange way. I had been hoping we could use this stress free time to slowly put things back together. Tunes out she was thinking the same as well. However, because we never communicated how we both felt about what was going on, she assumed we had stalled out and I was just getting the benefit of her with out commitment. So she thought that she should move on. She changed her mind in the end once she knew the truth about how I felt. Thats how we got back together theAman, this is where I got the impression that you were hooking up with your Ex while with girl #2. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted July 9, 2010 Author Share Posted July 9, 2010 theAman, this is where I got the impression that you were hooking up with your Ex while with girl #2. Oh ya, I can see how you might have misunderstood that. I was hooking up with her from time to time while we were split up, but that came to and end before I started dating girl #2. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 What is amazing is this man is 40 years old... Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted July 10, 2010 Author Share Posted July 10, 2010 What is amazing is this man is 40 years old... "That's what she said" lmfao !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 What baffles me is that I am not sure what exactly it is that you want to hear. The world is not flat but we already knew this right? So whoever doesn't glorify this situation is discarded and is called names by you. You're responding with a "Yeah ok good for you, you bitter, scorned, blah blah blah but I don't care what you have to say because I am here for some advice". Advice is not exactly supportive at times... Anyway, perhaps you shouldn't be with any of these 2 chicks???!! What about find someone that you don't have this kind of baggage with? At this point it seems like you have tainted these 2 relationships. You know that what you have done is wrong. So what are you looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 "That's what she said" lmfao !!! I would expect no less then an adolescent level of humor that is direct proportionate to the adolescent level of behavior to which the OP admitted and is proud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 Well, I took a break from the advise and what not and just decided to see where things went if I stood back. The result was incredible! As it stands, both these woman would rather be with me than with out me. I feel the same towards both of them as well (although I had resolved to pick one if I had to) As such, we have all decided to go outside what is considered the "norm".... I am now splitting my time between them equally. All involved are in agreement (the two of them talked and came to this solution themselves).!! Every one is happy!! The last month and a half has been bliss for all three of us, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow again! ......I can't believe Im involved in this scenario, and can't especially believe its working with out a hitch (so far anyway). Every day seems to be better than the last. Anyone who was having a similar problem; I am going to suggest thinking out side the box. I know its unorthodox and not for every one. I also know others will judge....but remember, its you life to live and no one else's to deal with. Good luck! :):):):):):) Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 ohhhhh.....and don't let the negative and judgmental on this forum get you down......some are actually good listeners and want to help. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 Well, I took a break from the advise and what not and just decided to see where things went if I stood back. The result was incredible! As it stands, both these woman would rather be with me than with out me. I feel the same towards both of them as well (although I had resolved to pick one if I had to) As such, we have all decided to go outside what is considered the "norm".... I am now splitting my time between them equally. All involved are in agreement (the two of them talked and came to this solution themselves).!! Every one is happy!! The last month and a half has been bliss for all three of us, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow again! ......I can't believe Im involved in this scenario, and can't especially believe its working with out a hitch (so far anyway). Every day seems to be better than the last. Anyone who was having a similar problem; I am going to suggest thinking out side the box. I know its unorthodox and not for every one. I also know others will judge....but remember, its you life to live and no one else's to deal with. Good luck! :):):):):):) lol, congrats, you officially have two girlfriends. Enjoy this while it lasts, because you must know it won't last forever. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author theAman Posted September 13, 2010 Author Share Posted September 13, 2010 Thanks! Hmmm....how long will it last??...... A wise old man I used to ride (motorcycles) with told me: "If you ride a motorcycle long enough, you will die on it. That is the truth about riding...... The trick is being wise enough and cautious enough to die of old age first." I hope I can use this wisdom here, because this IS AMAZING!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted September 14, 2010 Share Posted September 14, 2010 Thanks! Hmmm....how long will it last??...... A wise old man I used to ride (motorcycles) with told me: "If you ride a motorcycle long enough, you will die on it. That is the truth about riding...... The trick is being wise enough and cautious enough to die of old age first." I hope I can use this wisdom here, because this IS AMAZING!!!!! I ride too. I've been down a few times and I used to split lanes for about 50 miles daily. I consider myself lucky to be alive sometimes. Now I only ride the twisties for pleasure every now and then. Have fun with this situation and keep us updated! Link to post Share on other sites
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