STBX wants to introduce partner to kids

[JLoves]

wrencn: Thanks.. Working out what exactly the right thing is the hardest part.

 

I've been thinking recently about Adult ADHD.. It's been on my mind a bit but the 'hyper activity' bit just didn't jive.

 

Until now when I find out there's actually subtypes of ADHD, one which is called 'ADHD Predominantly Inattentive Type' in the biz. It describes my life perfectly.

 

Of course now I wonder if things would have been different if I'd come to this realisation a few years ago. Now it's too late, the bird has flown the coup to fairyland and won't be coming back.

 

My situation, the undiagnosed ADHD and her issues put together screwed my marriage.

 

Even finding this out doesn't solve my immediate problem of her pushing the living arrangements the BF and kids, which is causing me sleepless nights.. (bed @ 10.30, woke up at 3am.. not much sleep after that).

 

Time to talk to my GP about the ADHD,etc, get diagnosed for sure for my sanity, then work on managing it and getting my life back to normality. (a real normality, not what I've been living for the past 6-25 years).

 

There is no way I can tell her this as much as I want to. The last thing I want is for it to be used as a way to take my kids away from me. I just hope that my kids don't have this in anyway.

 

On the forum where I found out about this, the poster listed a methodology that she uses to deal with her situation. Time to start following those guidelines and see if that helps.

 

All I can hope for now is to fix myself up for the next love in my life. At least I have some form of why and a way out to go forward.

[imagine]

Hi Jloves, I hope that you will rediscover yourself.

 

If I may quote a Christian adage "God don't make no junk". Pal , trust in Him.

 

Please listen to what your wife has to say, but never listen to the details of an OM. OM's are bugs. OM is demonstrating his callous approach to marriage by dating your wife (that is if he knows she is married). Your boundary is not to listen about OM, now tell her.

 

Now leave your depression, find a better paying job. Ignore your ADHD, but take the appropriate drugs.

[JLoves]

Imagine: I hope so too.. I've been aimlessly wandering this nightmare scape for too long.

 

Wife talking about OM was to show how good he will be with my kids. How perfect he is for her. Only time will tell that one.

 

I told her when she asked that I don't want to know about him and was only saying yes to her giving me details because I want to know who is going to be around my kids.

 

Only thing I wished I'd asked was 'How did you meet him'. Only to know how she found someone else so quickly. Not sure if she avoided that that part because she had met him before we separated. Don't want to think too hard on that one.

 

I'm getting quite good pay for doing what I'm doing right now thanks to the govt, but I need to find a job for my own self esteem. Just need to find something that suits my abilities, how much I can handle and the kids.

 

Made an appointment to see my GP tomorrow while she has the kids for the day. (I had to actually ask if she would take a day off work while the kids were on school holidays, did didn't offer too). The GP I saw previously,(in tears), isn't there any more unfortunately.

 

Can't just ignore ADHD, but I can manage and work around it with this realisation. I think that what you meant though.

 

I will just have to make it through this minefield... I'm going to do my best to make sure the kids get through it without to much pain.

[tank]

Hi JLoves, I want to say hang in there. It does get easier with time. My wife left and moved in with the OM right away. He has been introduced to my children only 1x. I have no doubt that the relationship wont last. My wife is a completely different person, she went from a great mom to a vacant mom over night. I was struggling, it affected my work, my home. For the first month i went through the motions of living. Thankfully i had a lot of support. I hope you have a strong support network as well. It is very helpful to have friends or family who can just help out. What are you doing for yourself? Are you physically active, do you have a hobby, anything that you love to do but gave up over the course of this relationship? I still have the illusion i will be able to get my family back together, but im not letting it control my life. All i can suggest is for you to focus on yourself. I too have the sleepless nights. I have an important job and I broke down infront of my employees, just started bawling like a baby. Its not worth it. My kids have become my focus and it helps. They know who is there for them, your kids will too. Keep being the best Dad you can be. See a lawyer, just to protect your rights. If she left, she will have a tough fight to get her kids. If she left them in your care then she obviously felt you were the better parent to have them full time. Take care and stay strong.

[Doing it Since '78]

Jloves,

 

Count your blessings bro, my stbxw who only gets her children 6 x a month (supposed to be 9 but she usually pulls a scoffish move with a BS excuse of why she can't get them)

 

Has managed to have my infant son and daughter slepping in the bed with her and her scumbag OM, planning a "family" vacation, and now that the POSOM is living with her, and paying nothing-While she has every excuse in the book for not giving me the child support that the court has ordered (Her license will be suspended next week)

 

at least your STBXW is telling you and not sneaking around with it-

 

You can't control it, and thankfully you have the kids the majority of the time, you have much more control over your childrens lives than you think, trust that

[JLoves]

Thanks guys.. That means a lot coming from others who are dealing with the same sh*t, if not more than I have.

 

Tank: Been reading your thread. I'm glad you feel good enough to be offering advice to others. We are all here for each other. (and yeah, I still have the very small illusion that my family will get back together too, even though I keep telling myself it won't happen)

 

My hobby was part of the problem, but now it's all I got. Shame I now see the reasons I am the way I am/have been.

 

Kids are currently on holiday so can't get out as much as I'd like at the moment. They are back next week so I can get out some more.

 

Scheduling my time to involve exercise is something I'm working on. I'm on a 'Progressing Goal Attainment Program' my physio put me on to work on helping that. I think the realisation of the reason I can't stay focused should help with that.

 

Going crazy wrapping my Daughters birthday presents, organising the day tomorrow and the afternoon/tea party on Friday. I've never been the one to deal with this stuff.. I can only do my best.

[HopelessinDTW]

Jloves: My stbx did something similar, by introducing the kids to the OM who drove up here from Arkansas to have sex with my STBX while my in-laws were watching the kids! You can read my story (FAILED_MARRIAGE). She's being selfish in all this...the kids are as my therapist said "are prisoners of war"...they are seeing all the turmoil and rapid change in their lives, and they can't do anything about it. On top of it, a new person shows up in their lives. Our wives have snapped! Something in their demented brains have convinced them that what they are doing is ok, and justified. In my case, I know for a fact that the OM convinced my stbx that it was "OK" for her to be with him because she "didn't love me anymore...had no emotional ties with me"...the fact of the matter is, when our stbx's are controlled and ruled by lust and the fantasy world...everthing they do is ok...because now they feel like themselves again, and are happy...so if you feel good, and are happy then it must be ok. this is the screwed up, self-centered mentality we are dealing with. It's what many here call the "FOG"...and as we know once the FOG clears things become a lot more focused and reality will set in...

[JLoves]

Grrrrr.... Am very cross.... and stressed....

 

No surprise, instead of just meeting at the park, she took them over his place on Saturday and went out again on Sunday.

 

Whats worse is my son (9 1/2) says to me 'I saw mum kissing (bf)'. 'Are you ok' 'yeah' 'ok' 'I don't want to talk about it'.

 

It's so damn frustrating. I asked her nicely and tried to appeal to her to not damage my daughters birthday weekend but no, ms 'affairyland' knows better.

 

Damn stupid c*w. Telling me and just going and doing what the hell she wants is no different.

 

No wonder she dropped the kids off as quick as she could and disappeared before they could tell me about their weekend. She knew I'd have some (calm) words to say.

 

Ended up sending her a text saying I was 'disappointed with her as a parent. No change there.' No reply strangely.

 

Trying not to ring her and tell her that she should hide kissing bf a bit more as she failed this weekend.

 

Wish these pills would kick in... Then I might get some sleep.

 

Out of control... again...

 

I know, what else was I expecting.

[whichwayisup]

Yuck, your poor kids to see her kiss the OM. How inappropriate of her to do that..It's obvious she is NOT thinking of their feelings, how they are coping in general with you two not together anymore. She's selfish.

 

All I can say is, explain to your kids that that mommy does love them and this new friend of hers isn't replacing you. Reaffirm your love for them, and that they can call you anytime when they are with her (and him) if they feel uncomfortable or want to come home. Don't bash her or put down the other guy, if you do that it'll just make you sink to her level.

 

I can imagine how frustrating this is, seeing the affect it's having on your kids and not being able to get through to her how WRONG and how SOON it is for them to be around another man.