I need a male point of view

[AnnBee]

I'm seeing a guy who I've known as a friend for a couple of years. I know alot about him, as he does me, including our respective crappy previous relationships. Here's the problem.

 

When we're together, everything, including sex is over the top. But we're not together much. I feel like I'm his lowest priority when it comes to his time. He's into his career, his family and etc. He is so committment-phobic that he will never even commit to calling me. I need more, but I don't know if I should just be patient, or back off all together. Do I confront him, or just fade away?

[Tony T]

You do both. You have to let him know what you are looking for and what you need in a relationship. If he can't provide that, then you back off!!!

 

There are many men who are committment-phobic for one reason or another, most often stemming from what kind of family they were raised in. That's not your problem. You will fall out of like or love with him pretty quickly if you do not get a sense that you are very important in his life. Most men just don't understant this. Sorry, that's the way we were created.

 

Most men don't sit down and think about life as a whole and what is truly important to them. His family should be way up there, and his work does have an important place in his life, but that someone special should rank no lower than number one.

 

He probably loves you a great deal but the low priority thing is his way of keeping some distance so he doesn't have to confront intimacy and relationship issues head on. Perhaps you can talk to him calmly and discuss these. But if he avoids the issues and doesn't want to discuss his relationship with you, you have no choice but to back off since you obviously aren't happy with the way things are now. It is not likely he will change unless some major motivating factors appear, such as you leaving or some other traumatic loss or event.

[billy the kid]

Hey Annbee nice to hear from you, you did say that you two are just friends so if you want to carry things furthur I think you should talk about just being friends, other than that you sound like you got it pretty good.. you did say that every thing was over the topwbs

I'm seeing a guy who I've known as a friend for a couple of years. I know alot about him, as he does me, including our respective crappy previous relationships. Here's the problem. When we're together, everything, including sex is over the top. But we're not together much. I feel like I'm his lowest priority when it comes to his time. He's into his career, his family and etc. He is so committment-phobic that he will never even commit to calling me. I need more, but I don't know if I should just be patient, or back off all together. Do I confront him, or just fade away?