Boyfriend blows hot and cold -- does he still like me?

[starlett42]

I want the real truth, so here goes:

One day after a fight my boyfriend broke up with me and said i was mean. He then told me that he just needed time to see other people since i'm the only person he's ever been with. I said okay that i'd give him time. Then he asked me to get back together. I said no because i wanted to know my self as my self and not as someones gf. Finally he convinced me to get back together under the condition that he wouldn't sit next to this girl in class who i know is flirting with him.

Then he broke up with me one night really unexpectedly he said, " When i was holding your hand, it didn't feel special and it made me really confused because if it's not special to hold your hand i don't know what is. I just don't think i can be with you because i don't think i love you anymore."

I was really sad. I cried and cried. Then he told me he had made a mistake and that he was just confused. Then there were good times for a while.

Then he began to get distant. He came to my house (he hadn't been over in a while cause schoolwork keeps us bussy) we hooked up and then right after he said he had to go home and do work. so I asked him "Do you have feelings for me anymore? Cause you're not expressing them. I feel like you just hooked up with me and now that it's over you're ready to go." He broke up with me and said that he doesn't feel it anymore. When he was leaving i said thanks for our time together and gave him one last kiss. He called me an hour later to chat but i said i couldn't talk (i didn't want him to know i was still sad about it even though he really did break my heart) Then he said again that it was a mistake and that he really loves me and just doesn't know how to show it. I said i didn't want to get back together and he said okay. Then he kept telling me how he misses me. Finally i told him the truth " I miss you and love you and i want to be with you". Then he said he didn't want to. Then he said he did want to and we were back in business. Then i found him sitting next to this girl who flirts with him. He was just chatting with her in the back of the room. I was infuriated. I yelled and broke up with him. He tried to talk to me but i wouldn't (i was so mad) I did a lot of stupid things. I pushed him and i yelled at him infront of quite a few straingers on the street. After i was calmed down, i tried to go back to normal but he wouldn't he said "You're just not the girl for me I see that now". I begged him to get back together even though he said he needs time and he said that he just needs me to understand that he needs to be alone and that he needed us to be stressfree if we were going to be together and that he wants to be with me cause he loves me.now we've been together for a month since. He was always saying i love you and calling me. Now the calling has sort of stopped. He doesn't really kiss me in class cause he says that we should act more professional in the classroom. I understand that. But i don't know if he just doen't like me anymore or if he's just really bussy.

 

Help!!!!!!! Am I gonna get broken up with again????

[ILoveToToot]

you dont really even need his advice....you sound like youre in highschool, move on, date as many as you can girl!!! have fun!! thats it! drop the guys who dont give/treat you as you need to be.

[dyermaker]

Am I gonna get broken up with again????

 

Only if you don't do the right thing, which is to break up with him first.

 

There are two kinds of transitive breakups. There's breaking up with someone because you have no desire to continue a relationship, and there's also breaking up with someone because you think that will mend your relationship. The first kind is painful, but it tends to eventually resolve things. The second kind is even more painful, because it provides constant heartbreak with the delusion of eventually resolving things.

 

In case you haven't already seen what I'm saying, you both are guilty of the second kind. I promise you that if you continue a relationship with this one, it will lead to more breakups of the second kind, and ergo, more heartbreak.

 

There will be a breakup, very soon. He will say a linethat sounds brilliant in his head. Something along the lines of, "we've lost that feeling", or "I need time to get on my feet", or "you're too good for me"--or some other extreme. No matter how poetic it is, do NOT take it at face value. Don't dwell on it either, chances are he saw it on the LifeTime network, or read it in the magazines that they put where you wait at the hair cutter's.

 

What he means is: I don't love you, I love the idea of you. I like having a girlfriend. I like that I can come to your house and hook up. I know that if I break up with you, it will make you want me more, and do more and more desperate things to get me. By mistreating you, you become more interested, and I'm young, but I already see that.

 

That up there, was the truth you were looking for. But I think you already knew that, because in some ways, you feel the same way. You don't mean the words you say, you use them as a tool to get the attention that you want. You miss having a boyfriend.

 

I'm not going to call him a jerk, and I wouldn't call you a bitch if he asked me. You're both just two different people who don't belong in a relationship together. You need to break it off, a breakup of the first degree--"I don't want you to be my boyfriend"--and under that, I want you to mean--"I don't want you to be my boyfriend"

 

It'll hurt. You'll miss the attention. But you'll get over it, and be happier. Don't have sex to get a guy to like you, any guy can see through this, but this stops very few of them from rising to the occaision. Don't say things you don't mean in order to preserve an emotional connection, it makes the connection as false as your words. And don't, PLEASE don't, feel that you need a boyfriend to be happy.

[barbie_doll]

I know what you are going through. All the advice that I can offer you is to sit down and think. Thats all you have to do. Think about yourself as a person and ask yourself are you truly happy with him or are you just used to being with him.

 

It will take some time to sort through all of these feelings, but if you don't then you will never get the answers that you need and deserve.

 

I wish you the best of luck.