SadandConfusedWA Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I went on a couple of online dates where men REALLY made me feel intimadeted. One guy in particular is a CEO of some company so he says he doesn't have time to date (and is quite good looking too). As soon as I saw how confident he is I started feeling very uncomfortable. I couldn't be myself AT ALL and barely said 2 words. I just can't get over that feeling. This led me to cancel today's date with an equally successful guy. Dates with these men almost feel like back when I was interviewing with the director of my department. I can't even fanthom being intimate with them. This is not good intimidated either (when you are just nervous because you really like a guy). I think it's the fact that to be THAT succesful, you need certain personality traits like extreme confidence bordering on arrogance and also a lot of strategic coldness and ability to detach from emotions. Perhaps that's what's really turning me off. I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy...
Feelin Frisky Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 ...I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy... That's a bit hard to believe coming from a woman who uses that axe-murderer looking dude's face as her avatar. He's got that real boy--next-door-severed-head-in-one-hand-axe-in-the-other-homey kinda look.
bobdole Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Some guys will feed you a load a crap when you speak with or meet them. Sites advising men on online dating for the purposes of getting laid instruct you to lie to make yourself more interesting and/or up potential. In this case, "I'm the CEO of blahblah incorporated" makes him appear as a powerful/successful man. Of course he could have been telling you the truth... Other details would be needed. Just use your head.
Gero Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy... If you are like me then it probably has to do with your own self-esteem. I meet girls that are going to college or have graduated college and know what they are doing in life and I get intimidated by them because I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I always feel like I couldn't possibly be good enough for them and they could just easily find someone a lot better. This causes me to sabotage things even if they do like me. I don't know much about you personally, but that's how I relate to your post.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Yes, I feel the same way. My last guy was so gorgeous and sexy to me, he had personality for miles, and people just loved him. I could not get enough of the man, and I couldn't hide this fact -- though I tried VERY hard to play it cool. He loved me up like a demon for quite a while and gave me some big talk, then started to check out. Now I assume that any man I am wildly attracted to will do the same. Like you, I feel far safer with a less dazzling, more normal kind of guy who isn't a major people magnet and sex bomb.
norajane Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy... Ok. We all have our preferences and comfort zones. There's no need to date people who intimidate you.
monkey00 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy... I've noticed that there are girls out there who possess this kind of mindset. If you manage to find a guy like this and he snatches you up, he's a pretty lucky dude! Anyway I have a friend who's sister is like that too. She was hurt badly in a previous relationship, the dude was good looking and his family was rich and he dumped her for someone else. My friend's sister is pretty though but her current bf now is someone that's average, still living at home, and is barely supporting himself with illustration jobs (he's a comic artist). My friend feels he has nothing going for him other than the fact that he treats her well and is sensitive which his sister admitted also. But she knows he won't dump her for someone else because he is at that social ladder in society (sort of speak). So I can agree with you that looks/success can be intimidating. But do you think you'd be happy with the aforementioned guy?
threebyfate Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I think it's your spidey sense tingling. Something's wrong with the guy, rather than the type. Don't discount all due to a few. IF and this would be a big IF, this guy was truly a successful CEO, where would he find the time to online date? As well, men like this aren't shy to pursue or lack being pursued. They tend to have large social networks through business contacts.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy... You think wrong. Most single guys can be characterized by this description. They are too boring for most women.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I went on a couple of online dates where men REALLY made me feel intimadeted. One guy in particular is a CEO of some company so he says he doesn't have time to date (and is quite good looking too). As soon as I saw how confident he is I started feeling very uncomfortable. I couldn't be myself AT ALL and barely said 2 words. I just can't get over that feeling. This led me to cancel today's date with an equally successful guy. Dates with these men almost feel like back when I was interviewing with the director of my department. I can't even fanthom being intimate with them. This is not good intimidated either (when you are just nervous because you really like a guy). I think it's the fact that to be THAT succesful, you need certain personality traits like extreme confidence bordering on arrogance and also a lot of strategic coldness and ability to detach from emotions. Perhaps that's what's really turning me off. I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy... I wish I would encounter more women like you. I often dressed above my station in the ranks of Wall Streeters when I worked there in NY and got blown off or dropped like a hot rock in a few lunch dates when I admitted being a mere consultant instead of an investnement banker (my cousin was one and typically got a $7Million Christmas bonus or there abouts). I had the confidence and felt I was attractive enough to be confident about my relatively meager success after all, the women were very attractive and seeminly enthused to go out with me but I could tell when I was being gold dug and my disposition towards honesty had already cut my own throat. I'd get stuck paying for the $90 lunch and then treated like a leper for not being CEO and just looking the part.
Diezel Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 What intimidates you is not their looks or their success, it's how those looks and success translates in regards to you. It gives them that extra oomph to have more "power" over the relationship. Reality dictates that such a thing is rubbish, but the mental aspects of reality are turned sideways on its axis, simply because, with a guy that is average, you feel like you are more in control, whereas with someone who "seems" to be physically and financially superior, we suddenly acquire senses of inadequacy. It's not your fault, nor is it something that you can readily fix, but most oftenly, this is something that happens on the man's side of the spectrum with the whole "she's out of your league" ordeal. It's a deal so good, that we can't believe it to be true. What we perceive as someone else's best attributes, suddenly becomes the worst of our own world.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Successful guys don't really intimidate me as much as they're more like mosquitos that I wish I have a repellant for. Sure, being successful and knowing what one wants is really something, but everyone's different. It's like comparing myself and wishing I was Angelina Jolie. Why don't you look at the traits you have and the things you're good at and just enhance them?
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 That's a bit hard to believe coming from a woman who uses that axe-murderer looking dude's face as her avatar. He's got that real boy--next-door-severed-head-in-one-hand-axe-in-the-other-homey kinda look. That's Russell Brand. He actually has Katie Perry in one hand and loads of cash in the other:laugh:
carhill Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I think it's your spidey sense tingling. Something's wrong with the guy, rather than the type. Don't discount all due to a few. IF and this would be a big IF, this guy was truly a successful CEO, where would he find the time to online date? As well, men like this aren't shy to pursue or lack being pursued. They tend to have large social networks through business contacts. Concur. Adding, most successful men I know are, by the nature of how they became successful, super efficient managers of time and priorities. They *can* date, have love affairs, be married, be a father/grandfather *and* own and manage successful business ventures. Some are so good they do all of the first four at the same time The key isn't the man. He is who he is and will do what he does. The answers lie within the OP and her attraction style, or, more precisely, the alignment between want and attraction. Her statement, quoted often in this thread, about nice, sensitive guys is an indicator of that dynamic. BTW, a couple examples of the guys I described above are Australian (met them and came to know them as a result of a music festival, of all places), so I know the possibility isn't exclusive of Aussies. Hope it works out
AD1980 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 All women should think like this so maybe an ugly dude like me could finally get a women:p
TheBigQuestion Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I went on a couple of online dates where men REALLY made me feel intimadeted. One guy in particular is a CEO of some company so he says he doesn't have time to date (and is quite good looking too). As soon as I saw how confident he is I started feeling very uncomfortable. I couldn't be myself AT ALL and barely said 2 words. I just can't get over that feeling. This led me to cancel today's date with an equally successful guy. Dates with these men almost feel like back when I was interviewing with the director of my department. I can't even fanthom being intimate with them. This is not good intimidated either (when you are just nervous because you really like a guy). I think it's the fact that to be THAT succesful, you need certain personality traits like extreme confidence bordering on arrogance and also a lot of strategic coldness and ability to detach from emotions. Perhaps that's what's really turning me off. I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy... Do you think that this intimidation may conflict with your need to be with highly intelligent/intellectual men? Obviously success and intellect are not synonymous but they are very positively correlated.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Do you think that this intimidation may conflict with your need to be with highly intelligent/intellectual men? Obviously success and intellect are not synonymous but they are very positively correlated. Well, not really. There are plenty of men who are quite intelligent without being completly addicted to climbing the corporate ladder. Even if you disregard intimidation factor, those men that are workholics will probably have little time for me. I kind of want relaxed, easy going guy who is FUN but also mature. He needs to have some kind of job, just not be OMFG dazzlingly succesful. A normal guy really who will treat me well. I met the guy that said he is a CEO at the lobby of his company. While we chatted there, at least 10 people stopped by briefly with "Hey Bruce, stellar meeting this morning!" etc etc. I also googled him and it all adds up. He even offered to show me his office. I declined with "another time". Who know though. The other guy is more sketchy and possibly lying about his position. I am meeting someone who works in IT tomorrow. He seems a bit nerdy (which I love) and cute, without being over the top sucessful. We will see how that goes.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 BTW I am glad men in this thread approve of my preferences This might be due low self-esteem, but I don't want someone that brings more to the table (so to speak) than I do. I want to be as evenly matched as possible.
Knittress Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 In the lobby of his company? That seems really unprofessional/cheesy!
vestigalvirgin Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I kind of want relaxed, easy going guy who is FUN but also mature. He needs to have some kind of job, just not be OMFG dazzlingly succesful. A normal guy really who will treat me well. Most of the guys fitting this description will already be in a relationship of some kind, married or otherwise, and won't likely be involved in on-line dating. If they are on the dating market, online or otherwise, they will be snapped up pretty quickly. I met the guy that said he is a CEO at the lobby of his company. While we chatted there, at least 10 people stopped by briefly with "Hey Bruce, stellar meeting this morning!" etc etc. I also googled him and it all adds up. He even offered to show me his office. I declined with "another time". Who know though. The obvious question for someone like this is why are they online dating? The impression of "success" in business does not translate to relationship success. He is a human being and like everyone else has issues. The other guy is more sketchy and possibly lying about his position. That's pretty sad. I am meeting someone who works in IT tomorrow. He seems a bit nerdy (which I love) and cute, without being over the top successful. We will see how that goes. I think part of the problem you are running into, is not so much a lack of self-confidence, but rather, the way you are choosing to evaluate the people you meet. Try to go beyond the superficial characteristics and learn about the person behind them.
Jilly Bean Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Didn't you post a thread recently that you were intimidating to men? Because of your intelligence, degree, and beauty? And here you are complaining because you're meeting too many attractive and successful men?
Shakz Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 That's Russell Brand. He actually has Katie Perry in one hand and loads of cash in the other:laugh: She kissed a nut and she liked it! http://www.teamrubber.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/ives.jpg
trippi1432 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I think I just want an average looking, slightly insecure, kind and sensitive guy... Perhaps the issue is that you feel "sized up" in a competitive world in a way. It sounds like you are a successful woman and you are looking to date what you "feel" is equivalent to your success. The fact is, you may need a man who complements (goes well with) your true nature and vice-versa. Doesn't mean that he has to be the head of a company, CEO or any of that. IMO, a truly successful man is someone who knows how to treat others well, knows how to empower others and truly feels secure enough in himself as well as his personal relationships without being arrogant or emotionally detached. (In reality, I would say that a lot of men are insecure and I will admit that there are a lot of women out there that make men feel that way). It almost seems that instant detachment is apparent in the fact that he stated he "doesn't have time to date". That, in itself, already seems like an "out-clause" for him. It sounds like good instincts really, if there is something that doesn't seem right or turns you off....that's a sign that no matter how successful they are....might not be what you are looking for.
Crazy Magnet Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I can't say I'm intimidated by a successful man, but I don't like boys who are more high maintenance/better looking than I am. I saw this GORGEOUS creature out on the lake over the weekend. He was the kind of man you want to chisel in marble so you never forget how smokin hot he was. But he was all greased up with some goopy stuff. And as we were clearly ogling in his direction, he nodded at us...and struck a POSE!! Clearly he was out for attention (which duh....that body is going to get it) but I would never date a man like that. I wouldn't call it intimidation, but like you mentioned, he wouldn't be "matched" well with me. I'm not going to strike a pose if someone checks me out.
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