Break-ups, cats, and unrequited crushes, oh my!

[strangers_nightmare]

I started dating this guy, J, about a year ago. A few months before that, I'd begun hanging out with W, who I developed a crush on and made out with a few times, but who was still hung up on his ex, so nothing happened. W stayed really good friends with me and also struck up a friendship with J. There were brief hiccups when I thought he liked a girl a couple months after J and I started dating, but after that I thought I was over everything.

 

So J and I have been having issues. He just does not have his **** together and it's starting to take a toll. He's 3 years younger than me (23, vs. my 26) and is still finishing school. He's had some problems stemming from depression, anxiety, and ADHD (all of which were diagnosed last year), as well as financial issues, roommate drama, family drama, sick pets... Basically, the boy's had a hard year.

 

Unfortunately, I have just reached a point where I am tired of the constant drama and I don't know if I can stick it out as he continues to blame everyone but himself for his problems (including me the last couple months), neglect to take care of things he promised to take care of, and fail to be proactive about any of the situations he's struggling with. It's ****ty to dump someone because his life sucks, but we just had this huge fight because he's saying he's trying his hardest to fix things and I just don't think he is. We had sort of reached a truce on that, but I was recently out of town for a week and he didn't come by to feed his cat (who's staying with me because he's temporarily staying in an apartment that doesn't allow cats) once after promising he would, so my roommates had to take care of her when I'd assured them they wouldn't.

 

Our sex life also never really got off the ground... I sort of feel like I've just been doing this thing with J, hanging out, bailing him out, being his mother, etc. while waiting for him to be ready to have a real relationship with me. I should've had the "let's just be friends" talk when his problems first were an issue, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Now I'm regretting that because I feel like things have only gotten more complicated with time.

 

I'm ready to walk, but I do value him as a friend (just not a potential lifemate because holy crap do I not want to be financially tied to this), I don't want to stress him out more, and I have no idea what to do cat-wise (I'm honestly not sure he can take care of her--I feel like he neglects the cat he already has and this one has serious abandonment issues and needs a lot of companionship and play).

 

Complicating matters, I think I'm starting to have feelings for W again. I had a dream last week that we were hanging out at a music festival then cuddling on his couch or something. We hang out together all the time, often one-on-one, and we will go out to dinner or for drinks or whatever probably at least once a week. (J doesn't go on dates with me because he's perpetually broke and basically hates people and loud noises.) When I came back, he basically said he missed me and I was his only friend (which isn't true--he knows a few people, but I'm just the only person whose company he regularly seeks out outside of a group setting) and we had a nice dinner and went out for drinks with some of my other friends. When the topic of J came up, he joined in suggesting I leave him, even though they get along really well with each other. He's single and looking now, but claims to be having little luck with the ladies. I'm wondering if there'd be a chance of something developing there, or if I should just do my best to cultivate other friendships right now and not think about this.

 

In summary, I'm looking for help with three things:

1. What do I do with J?

2. What do I do with the cat?

3. What do I do with W?