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Hooking up after a break up

Username37

By Username37,
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Username37

Username37

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My background story. Dated this girl for a year and a half. Dumped me 8 weeks ago (wow 8 already) and hooked up with some dude 3 weeks after the break. I found out at a party that she did this and I was devastated. She was at the party too and I couldn't look at her. And according to a friend, they are still kinda involved.

 

Why would she do this? Why did she make out with some dude that she just met? I know hooking up means "no strings attached" but still.

 

Don't they feel hurt after they do this kind of stuff? Knowing that the person doing it to them doesn't care in a way?

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Username37

Username37

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sucks dude..but um, do the same?

 

I personally wouldn't

 

I don't want to use anyone or be used. If I wanted to do that stuff, I would save it for a relationship.

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Star Gazer

Star Gazer

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Sucks but... If she broke up with you, she was "over" the relationship long before you were. KWIM?

 

That said, having been in her shoes (the dumper as opposed to my current role as dumped) in the past, I can tell you she's just trying to relive and replace the feelings of the honeymoon stage and companionship. It's a sort of GIGS thing. Right now she's still relieved that the relationship with you is over. She's not seeing the new guy for who he really is. She will eventually... By then, you will has moved on and THEN she'll learn her lesson.

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Username37

Username37

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Sucks but... If she broke up with you, she was "over" the relationship long before you were. KWIM?

 

That said, having been in her shoes (the dumper as opposed to my current role as dumped) in the past, I can tell you she's just trying to relive and replace the feelings of the honeymoon stage and companionship. It's a sort of GIGS thing. Right now she's still relieved that the relationship with you is over. She's not seeing the new guy for who he really is. She will eventually... By then, you will has moved on and THEN she'll learn her lesson.

 

I get what you mean. She probably thought about it for a while and planned a head in a way.

 

GIGS thing? Don't catch ya on that one haha

 

What will she learn? That what she did was wrong and what we had was right? Or what?

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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For what it's worth I respect you for that :)

 

 

I personally wouldn't

 

I don't want to use anyone or be used. If I wanted to do that stuff, I would save it for a relationship.

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LoveTruthChaos

LoveTruthChaos

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Isnt making out a normal tihng to do at partys..

 

Only if you're pre-disposed to it. I got pretty drunk last night and surrounded by heaps of cute guys but I didn't want to make out with any of them - coz it's not in my nature to do that, no matter how much I've been drinking.

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Username37

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Only if you're pre-disposed to it. I got pretty drunk last night and surrounded by heaps of cute guys but I didn't want to make out with any of them - coz it's not in my nature to do that, no matter how much I've been drinking.

 

Alcohol + Girl missing companionship = Not good haha

 

Great to know that all girls are not like that at parties. Makes me feel a little better :)

 

Still irks me a little. I wanna know if she feels bad about doing this or not..

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ALombard

ALombard

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Username37,

 

I know this MIGHT sound mean but that's not my intention.

 

When it comes to wanting to know if you ex feels bad about hooking up with a new guy 3 weeks after you two broke up, here's what you should do...NOT GIVE A DAMN!

 

I mean it has already been 2 months, it's time to "man up" so to say and start moving on. Thinking about what your ex is doing, why she's doing it, and if they feel bad about it will only do one thing...make you more miserable.

 

My ex had sex with and then started dating a new guy 2 days after we broke up. I found that the more I thought about why she did it and if she cared at all about me, the more depressed I got. Once I stopped caring all together that's when I was ready to go out and start meeting people.

 

I am like you when it comes to hooking up, I have been far beyond the random "encounters" part of my life for a while now.

 

So yeah, just stop thinking about it or even caring. You will feel SO much better.

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LoveTruthChaos

LoveTruthChaos

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I found that the more I thought about why she did it and if she cared at all about me, the more depressed I got. Once I stopped caring all together that's when I was ready to go out and start meeting people.

 

SO TRUE.

I found that with my ex, I stopped caring a couple of weeks ago. I used to always wonder - Is he thinking of me? What's he up to with her right now? Are they doing all the stuff together that we used to do?

 

I find my self asking the same questions - out of habit really - and I honestly don't care bout the answers anymore. I don't know how long that will last, but I don't care for now (hopefully permanently!)

 

The fact that he's currently away from her for 2 months is a big help, but by the time the 2 months is over, I know I'll have done some critical healing, and it will no longer bother me.

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ihateusernames

ihateusernames

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Only if you're pre-disposed to it. I got pretty drunk last night and surrounded by heaps of cute guys but I didn't want to make out with any of them - coz it's not in my nature to do that, no matter how much I've been drinking.

 

Nice to hear there are still some women with class. Good on ya!

Tony (QLD)

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Username37

Username37

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Here's the weird thing

 

Last week, I didn't give two ****s about the hook up.

 

All of a sudden it just popped up again and BOOM I felt like crap again.

 

Idk, my emotions are changing rapidly. Right now, I feel like crap.

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LoveTruthChaos

LoveTruthChaos

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yeah you'll feel like s*it most of the time. I didn't start feeling okay till week 11 after the break up. Feels like I've just got off the rollercoaster for the past week or so, and I'd like to think this will last a while, but I know it's only a matter of time before someone grabs me, pulls me along and says 'Let's ride again!'

 

But for now, all is good. Look forward to week 11 maybe?

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Username37

Username37

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yeah you'll feel like s*it most of the time. I didn't start feeling okay till week 11 after the break up. Feels like I've just got off the rollercoaster for the past week or so, and I'd like to think this will last a while, but I know it's only a matter of time before someone grabs me, pulls me along and says 'Let's ride again!'

 

But for now, all is good. Look forward to week 11 maybe?

 

I keep on realizing things though and I become worse and worse. Like I can honestly say I feel worse than the first week broken up.

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Div

Div

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It's an unpredictable roller coaster of emotions.

 

I have felt amazing one day and totally **** the next, you can't even predict when your mood is going to change.

 

I have been reading "The Journey from abandonment to healing" by Susan Anderson and it says that it's perfectly normal to sway between these different moods.

 

All I know is that good times will be ahead, eventually.

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