TimmyTime Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Ok, this is a complicated situation, but hey are'nt they all? My girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 2 months ago after feeling unappreciated and ignored. I agree with the split, we just don't work, but my emotions say otherwise. I still want to be with her, even though it seems so pointless. Well, we would be fine, and move on in our own ways, but we are tied into a lease with 2 other roomates!!!!! And on top of it we still share a room and a bed. She has been so tied down with our relationship that all the new independence has brought her to resent me and all of the great things we did have in our 4 year life together. We both would love to be friends, and we click very well, but I still want to be with her......if only for the rest of our lease due to the convienence, and if nothing seems to work, we will have an easy out. Last week she finally went out and found a guy and had sex. What began as rebound sex, evolved because now she really likes him, and is all about dating him. Normally this would be a normal thing, but since we are stuck living together, and don't want to screw over our rommies, we have no choice but to stay here. I cannot stand in her way, because I want her to be happy, but we still share a room and house, and it seems so wrong that I should stand down and be miserable so she can be happy. I have been so confused, and would love to just get away from all of this, but I have no place to go. What should we do?????????????? I could use a fresh look at the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Ummmm.... hello.... your happiness is just as important as hers... Assuming there is not too much time remaining on your lease, she should be very considerate of your space. I think that means that she should not be allowed to bring her new BF to your place and have him sleep in your bed. That is totally unacceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Still in the same BED?????? How much more time on the lease? I know it can be hard to find an apartment, but there are such things as cots, sleeping bags and couches. One of you should move out of the bed. And if you share a room, the rule is that no guests are permitted there. That seems so obvious to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Silver Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Is there another room one of you can sleep in? Or alternate sleeping on the couch? I don't know but I think sleeping in the same bed isn't such a good idea. If your lease is almost up, why not start slowly looking for a new place of your own. Try to keep busy, take up new activities, go out with other friends. Try to start detaching yourself, your thoughts from her. I know it's easier said then done, I wish I could offer better advice. Good luck, it will get better in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Tell her to start looking for someone who can take over her lease, and you do the same. Maybe between the two of you, you will be able to find someone, or another couple, to buy out your lease and move in, then you can move out and away from her. Tell your other roommates what you are trying to do also so that they can look for replacements too. What about her? Can she buy you out and pay your half of the rent for the remaining lease time? Or can you pay her share so that she can move out? In the meantime make a rule that neither of you will bring a date home or talk about a date in front of the other - out of respect for your past romance and basic human consideration for another's feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
TimmyTime Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 This is all to true. I have already tried to maybe switch rooms with another roommate, but there has been some complications. But the couch seems to be my only option, or hers. Unfortunatlly we still have 5 more months on the lease. Errol - Looking for a new couple to take over the room is now in the process. I can talk to her about her new attraction with out getting upset, or hurt, but I so agree that bringing home her new BF now, especially sleeping over, would cause a huge akwardness that neither of us need. There might be a way she can move in with her sister and just pay rent here, but they don't get along to well, so she would be jumping from the frying pan to the fire. Sooooo I really think my only choice is to just focus on making myself happy, and like Silver said get back out there and detatch myself. We are perfect for eachother, just not in a relationship way, so being friends is the right route. There are still reservations and it will take time and effort. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? It is a strange arrangment. Link to post Share on other sites
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