In need of some comforting thoughts after a sad and scary breakup

[jimbog]

I went out with my now-ex girlfriend for a year and two months. This coming Saturday was to be our anniversary. We had this unbelievable connection, she was so unique and wonderful. We thought alike and everything we shared was special to us alone. But things didn't turn out too well.

 

On Monday, I was mad at her and overreacted, leading up to her saying she wanted to break up with me. She said she wanted to save me, and that I would feel better about it in the long run. I wasn't that angry at her, and spent three hours talking to her, telling her how much I cared for her. She layed on the bed with her back to me and said nothing except, "I've made up my mind." She then claimed that things had been bad for months, (!) even since we had gotten back together after a five-day breakup in October. I'm so confused.

 

She then said she also didn't want to go out because I had emotional problems, telling me that I reminded her of a "little boy" when I cried sometimes. She said she felt sorry for me and had to let me go. I thanked her for letting me talk to her, even though she didn't say much back to me. I asked for a break, because we obviously needed time apart, but didn't want to abandon the relationship. She refused.

 

Two days later, I was parked near her house where I always park, and my car wouldn't start. With no where else to go, I went to her door and asked if I could stay for five mintues before I tried to start my car again. We had a very nice talk and I left a half hour later. But then when coming back from a friend's house, I slipped on some ice on the road and injured my knee. I tried driving, but couldn't make it back to my place. Guess where I ended up?

 

Again, she was very nice about the whole thing and took care of me. We talked for a little and I said I had some questions that I needed answered for closure. She didn't answer my questions clearly, always going back to " I won't ask you to change." Then I remembered something.

 

I was always asking her if I was a good boyfriend. I asked her many times over the year if there was anything in the relationship she would change to be happier. She always said I was a great boyfriend and there was nothing she'd change. If the "little boy" thing and my emotions bugged her so much that she would break up with me, why did she never say anything about it when I asked her before?

 

She got upset at this point, and began to verbally abuse me. I didn't like how she was acting so I asked for my things back. As we piled/threw things of mine onto her bed, I realized that these were gifts. I didn't want to take them back. I told her I changed my mind and I wanted her to have them. She then became enraged and picked up her cell phone, threatening to call her father to come over and get me out of her room. I tried calming her down, but she said if I said one word, she would dial the number. She said "I hate you. I never want to see you again." My heart dropped. I had the last words though. As I left the room I said "I love you, I love you very much."

 

It was scary. The look in her eyes was frightening. I know this wasn't all her fault. I just wish I could've gotten closure. Her father told me before, somewhat jokingly, that if I ever hurt his daughter, he'd find me and beat me with his bat. And she holds grudges, so she'll hate me for a while. No doubt she'll demonize me to her family and friends, and I'm not sure if they'll do something to me. I wish it hadn't ended like that, but maybe it's better that we don't get back together again.

[Errol]

All fathers tell their daughters boyfriends that they will hurt them if the boyfriend hurts their daughter. Don't worry about that right now.

 

You have your closure - she wanted you gone from her life. Accept that and move on. Stay away from her street where you might "end up" if your car breaks down or you fall. Those are very contrived. What would you have done in those circumstances if she didn't live there?

 

You sound very young and very insecure. You need to work on your own self-confidence and self-esteem before you get into a new relationship. Women don't like clingy needy guys. They don't date you to raise you (well some do, but that is a whole different set of problems) so you need to be a man about yourself. That doesn't mean you can't have a soft side or be tender -- but there is a difference in being a "little boy" and needing a mommy's comfort, and being young at heart and playful and self sufficient too.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting-- anyone lucky enough to love and be loved is also going to have to tolerate some hurt sometimes too--try thinking of it that way.