How are we all doing?

[ResetReality]

Hey people

 

general thread, how are we all feeling, I think im coping just fine, I get the occasional sad thought in my head, wondering what she is doing, if she thinks about us,

 

I half expect her to walk through the doors at my work place

 

but i know that isn't going to happen, I love her so much, the thought of another guy holding her makes me upset

 

its over and I now realize that

 

3 weeks NC or there about

 

how is everyone else feeling?

 

any gossip for us to hear

[YellowShark]

I caught her cheating with a good friend who is married, and his wife is 8 months pregnant.

 

I walked 4 days later and ended our 7-year relationship. It's been 5 weeks of NC so far. They have pulled the wool over everyone's eyes claiming I imagined it all, which is easier for everyone to accept, than the reality that she actually IS cheating with an EX-good-friend who's wife IS 8 months pregnant. So I've become the "psycho guy" in some people's eyes.

 

How do I feel? Hmmmmm... good one, processing.

 

1) I still miss her terribly even though she betrayed me.

2) I wonder what she is doing and if she misses me.

3) When I wake up at night the bed in the new place is empty without her.

4) The thought of her physically and emotionally with this lowlife MM who is cheating on his pregnant wife triggers waves of jealousy and incredulity.

5) I have visions of straining the cheating lowlife ex-friend MM slowly through a chain link fence... very slowly!

6) Yet now that I am on the outside looking back I see that they are both toxic and unhealthy people who are emotionally bankrupt, obviously damaged goods, and highly immoral.

7) It has made me stop smoking because I equate smoking with her.

8) I've lost 15lbs on my imposed "breakup diet!"

9) I've gone out on a few coffee dates already, but they were just diversions.

10) Every day I feel a bit better, but it's hard to let go of a 7 year relationship AND deal with the pain of being betrayed by two people who I trusted implicitly.

 

So I would say it is a gambit of emotions that I am feeling only 5 weeks out from D day.

Edited July 8, 2010 by YellowShark
spelling

[matildack]

Absolutely crushed. I just discovered that my ex boyfriend who broke up with me only a few days ago went back to his old ex (they broke up over two years ago). I'm starting to think that he used me to get her back. Worse yet, some of my friends are friends with her.

[ResetReality]

matildack do you reckon it could be a rebound relationship?

 

YellowShark, Im really sorry to hear what you are going through, it makes my problems sound like a carnival compared to what has happened to you, its more shocking how your so called "friend" could do this, some people selfishness is disgusting!

[YellowShark]

YellowShark, Im really sorry to hear what you are going through, it makes my problems sound like a carnival compared to what has happened to you, its more shocking how your so called "friend" could do this, some people selfishness is disgusting!

 

Thanks ResetReality and I agree. Those "friends" just cannot process that my EX and MM did what they did. Friends like that I don't need. They should know me better than that. I wouldn't "frame" my EX and friend in a made-up conspiracy, nor did I go "psycho."

 

On the other hand MM is betraying his wife and unborn child, and he betrayed me. Sadly not only did my EX betray me, she threw away 7 years for a smooth-talking con man who is just using her for sex. She is smokin' hot and I suspect he's always fancied her, most men do - (which I considered a compliment on my taste.) Alas he won't be there for her when push comes to shove like I was for 7 years.

 

I expect when the baby comes next month the affair will end and my EX will be wondering WTF did she do. But by that time it'll be too late because I am soooooooo gone.

 

I told her when we closed the joint account at the bank 4 weeks ago that I cannot even express in words the disgust I have for her and MM. And that their combined selfishness is so off the morality scale that I can barely look at her... and that we shall never speak again. She actually tried to hug me goodbye, and I pushed her away, and walked.

 

Sad part is before they did what they did I was ready to spend my life with her. But she fell for a con man who manipulated her emotionally and I have no room in my life for people who can literally throw their morality out-the-window. I have no idea what has gotten into her.

Edited July 8, 2010 by YellowShark
grammar

[BeagleGal]

Hmm... I'd like to think I'm alright but I think I have good days and bad. My ex dumped me just over 3 months ago. At the time we broke up, and just before and after, he made it sound like he was just having issues - frustrated with the added responsibilities at home (me/dog moving in, his son moving in) and work (new job, more work).. He assured me several times that he loved me, loved us but sometimes missed his space, his "me" time.

 

When we broke up, he said he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I was crushed. I had never invested so much of myself in someone and I was gutted beyond words.

 

He gave me 2 weeks to move out. So here I am scrambling for a place to live for Apr 1 and here in Toronto, Canada, thats way too short notice. But he didnt care, he wanted me out. In a blink of an eye, he went from being nice and sweet to the biggest a**hole around. And at the time, I didnt understand why.

 

Find out from work he'd been cheating on me and was involved fulltime with the girl, that's why he left. I had asked this man several times if anyone else was involved and he said NO. It gets worse. I find out from same person at work (this is my boss' fiancee and they both took me and my dog in cuz I couldnt find a place in time for Apr 1 deadline I was given) that the girl was also pregnant and getting married in July, so end of this month. Unbelievable. All the sh*t he pulled from behind my back. She got pregnant within the month they started f*cking around.

 

I've broken NC a few times, stupidly, and he's initiated contact most of the time. This past weekend, he called at like 4am Sun morning talking nonsense, trying to get on my good side again for whatever reason.

 

Anyways so with the wedding coming up fast, Im feeling pretty sh*tty these days.

[lso802]

I'm on day 3. Sad. I'm keeping count.

 

Her birthday is coming up, and I'm wondering if I should even say, "Happy Birthday." She said it on mine but didn't give me anything, and that was when we were still together. Actually, she wasn't ever really good with the whole holiday stuff.

[ResetReality]

Its seem you have the right state of mind about what your are trying to do YellowShark, which is fantastic, I feel the same, even though I love my ex GF dearly, I feel that on principal alone, I could never get back with her, which really is a shame and when or IF she does contact me to reconcile the opportunity has long gone :(

 

 

Follow up on lso802 Ive heard many people on here saying DO NOT send a birthday text, and i agree, 3 days of NC? if you're going to send a bday text then you're just wasting your effort to put NC, leave her be, infact she probably expect you to send her text, I say don't there is no better way to tell her that you're moving on with your life (It will most likely shock her)

 

BeagleGal I like to think im ok too, just those occasional thoughts that creep back in, thinking of her, good times and all that tosh, If it was me though, put into your shoes, I think I would be more bitter if anything!

[matildack]

matildack do you reckon it could be a rebound relationship?

 

I'm not sure. I mean they broke up over two years ago, but I was the first girl he's dated since then. It's so ironic, we got along wonderfully, his family loved me, everything was going good, then bam, he mentions his ex and it's game over. There were a few signs I should have noticed though.. he would not show any affection in public (not even holding hands) and treated me as a friend, and when we would take pictures together, he wasn't really smiling.. I should have known :/ Maybe he thought that if he dated someone else, the feelings for her would subside.. I don't know. It's all just so painful.

[YellowShark]

Its seem you have the right state of mind about what your are trying to do YellowShark, which is fantastic, I feel the same, even though I love my ex GF dearly, I feel that on principal alone, I could never get back with her, which really is a shame and when or IF she does contact me to reconcile the opportunity has long gone :(

 

I look at it this way. If we were at war and she sold me out to the "enemy" could I ever trust her again? And the answer is NO FRIKKIN' WAY! She is a traitor, an enemy of the state. I was her "wing man" and she broke formation to have sex with a married man who's wife is pregnant.

 

That's too far off the reservation for me to ever want her back.. too many social and moral lines-in-the-sand that she crossed... no matter how much I love her.

Edited July 8, 2010 by YellowShark

[Norville_Rogers]

It gets worse and worse for me each day.

[BeagleGal]

ResetReality: Believe me, I am bitter. I am pissed, hurt, sad, upset, distraught at how he lied to me and treated me towards the end. I didn't deserve any of it. I wasn't the one who went out and cheated and got pregnant by another man. I didn't deceive or manipulate him. Up until the time we broke up, I thought things were great. We had gone to Hawaii to get some time away together, we were solid. And then all this sh*t.

 

I just don't understand how someone treats someone so sh*tty like that. Especialy when they are the ones that f*cked up.

[YellowShark]

I just don't understand how someone treats someone so sh*tty like that. Especialy when they are the ones that f*cked up.

 

I know how you feel. How could someone I invested 7 years with and never did an unkind thing to throw it all in the garbage to have an affair with a married man she can't have.. who's wife is about to give birth. It completely fries my circuits and crushes me.

 

A friend of mine says don't even try to rationalize it because I never will. The more I ponder that advice the more I see she may be right. I will never understand how my EX could trade me AND her stepson - (my son) - for an affair with a married man with a baby on the way. I simply cannot compute that level of selfishness and immorality.

 

The pain is so great, but the universe obviously has a different path for me than the one I dreamed about with my EX.

[jond77]

I am terrible. I am on anti-depressants and seeing a psychiatrist. The break up has brought up a lot of issues that I am struggling to cope with. I am a teacher and have to go back to work next week and I don't know how I will cope. We were meant to go on a holiday last week, I haven't had one for about 6 years and I am mentally and physically exhausted. I am really low.

[BeagleGal]

I try not to rationalize it either but its hard. I didnt invest 7 years like you did but man, was I sure that I would spend my life with this man. If anyone had told me a year ago or even 6 months ago that I would be in this situation b/c of his selfish, deceitful, stupidity - I wouldn't have believed it.

 

I helped raise his son and his son and I bonded. I was so sad when in May I couldn't be there to celebrate his bday as planned. Augh. Just the thought of it makes me so angry at my ex for being a dick.

 

I believe the same - he was removed from my life and path as he wasn't and will never be capable of loving me and respecting me the way I deserve to be. Good luck to his girl now (who by the way, knew he was cheating). She can deal with that mess.

 

I know how you feel. How could someone I invested 7 years with and never did an unkind thing to throw it all in the garbage to have an affair with a married man she can't have.. who's wife is about to give birth. It completely fries my circuits and crushes me.

 

A friend of mine says don't even try to rationalize it because I never will. The more I ponder that advice the more I see she may be right. I will never understand how my EX could trade me AND her stepson - (my son) - for an affair with a married man with a baby on the way. I simply cannot compute that level of selfishness and immorality.

 

The pain is so great, but the universe obviously has a different path for me than the one I dreamed about with my EX.

[lso802]

Theanks reset. I will act as if she doesn't exists, although she will exists in my thoughts. Just not my actions.

 

What's your story, if I may ask?

[Thierro]

I am coping. There are moments that I still blame myself for everything that happened. The whole self fulfilling prophecy bit me in the butt. I still believe we could be great together, but I doubt that she will ever show her face again. I wish I could have said things differently, but hey, I can't go back in time and fix things.

 

It would be easier to let go if I knew that the breakup was only about her wanting a different life and not be committed right now rather than me being needy and suffocating. I thought everything would work out if we were just honest to each other. We were. But what I forgot was that her subconscious got affected by all the negative honesty which changed her level of attraction towards me without her really knowing what was going on.

 

I learned some great things though after the break up. Things that will aid me along the way; a stronger self confidence and a better outlook on life/relationships. I realized that life is short and that I should appreciate the small things. Live every day as if it’s my last.

 

But yeah, I still want her back though. I don’t know what the future will bring. I will do my best and achieve the goals that I have set for myself. Wanting her back will fade in time. As long as I keep my own life fulfilling I will be ok.

 

I am thankful for the people here on LS. Reading all the stories and the same things we go through is a big help.

 

Tip: I enjoyed watching the movie Swingers (1997).

[fazleta]

I am feeling about as down as you can get - I cry through the day at work. Icry at home.Butit'searly days....

[AbeFroman]

I keep oscillating between determined hope and utter dejection. Some days, I'm 100% convinced I can tough it out and restore my relationship with my ex girlfriend, and others, I'm equally convinced she's totally apathetic and reconciliation is just a ridiculous pipe-dream.

 

 

Doin' my best to keep my crap together and keep doing what I need to do to make my life better. I'm making it so far, but just barely. Somehow I've managed to keep plowing forward, but it sure isn't easy, is it?

[Ilovecake]

It's summer, it's Friday, I've got a roof over my head, food to eat, a good book to read, music to listen to, life is pretty good.

[nihilanth100]

Who knew that human emotions could be described by damped harmonic oscillations. I feel you Abe, I go from being thoroughly depressed to feeling like a soldier toughing it out. However I can tell you that as time passes the sinusoidal wave of our emotions finds equilibrium higher and higher on the range of happiness, and less and less down in the dumps. And I'm told by others that one day it will stop altogether and you will find acceptance and happiness again; the equilibrium that was shaken. I'm not there yet, but I hope to be.

 

My ex pulled my spring pretty hard but I'm through the worst of it

[AlwaysConflicted]

I'm frustrated with life in general. Angry and sad at the girl who dumped me. And slightly optomistic about my future.

 

All in all, things are shi**y.

[Scruffydog]

Good days, bad days... Her girls are off school for the summer now so I'm guessing things are gonna start getting sorted over the next few weeks (house up for sale etc). She's still not coming clean on the other guy, she must think I was born yesterday, but I know she's emotionally/mentally messed up; perhaps that's all part of it. I hold it together at work each day but the tears usually come soon into the start of my drive home. Still, I love her so much and am ever hopeful but deep down...

 

Good days, bad days...

 

Scruffydog

[Maverick1983]

3 months since I made the biggest mistake of my life.Doing good but full of regret at times.I'm doing my best to look forward to getting on with my life because we all only have one shot at it.we might aswell make the most of it.Booked a weekend in London next week.It's time to move on.No one knows what the future holds so no point stepping on the brakes now.

[jen_r]

I'm doing quite awful. I'm actually going to make an unexpected stop by his house on my way to my lake house tonight. I have no way of contacting him and it's frustrating. I know it's a bad idea...but i'm doing it anyways.