How are we all doing?

[wrencn]

I wish I had your strength honey!

 

Aw thanks! Well I've hit a low spot, just going to plow through. Back to waking up at 4 a.m. I'm feeling a lot of anger and resentment! I need to speak to him about money - he's being shady as hell, but I can't bring myself to break NC. I refuse to ask for help, because he knows damn well what he is doing. I'm mad he's been cutting his time short with our boys. He talked so much smack about how he'd love to raise the boys himself... whatever! He's not pulling his share of the responsibilities, although he didn't when we were together. I'm mad that he is still infatuated with that chick from work even though she and her ex are talking again. I hate them both right now. I just want to be able to sleep.

[Sambo]

Aw thanks! Well I've hit a low spot, just going to plow through. Back to waking up at 4 a.m. I'm feeling a lot of anger and resentment! I need to speak to him about money - he's being shady as hell, but I can't bring myself to break NC. I refuse to ask for help, because he knows damn well what he is doing. I'm mad he's been cutting his time short with our boys. He talked so much smack about how he'd love to raise the boys himself... whatever! He's not pulling his share of the responsibilities, although he didn't when we were together. I'm mad that he is still infatuated with that chick from work even though she and her ex are talking again. I hate them both right now. I just want to be able to sleep.

 

 

If you don't mind some constructive feed back I will offer it. I'm certainly no expert and God knows I am not perfect and I have my own issues. It's my opinion and I could be wrong so if you don't like what I'm going to say just ignore it.

 

I think you running from yourself.

 

Why are you so afraid to hurt and feel the pain for what it really is?

 

It's sounds to me like your in denial. Just say F ### It !!!!

 

How do you really feel and let it all out !!!!!

 

Go out into the woods and scream, cry, kick stuff and break down if you have to but get all that toxic poison out of your system.

 

You HURT and your ANGRY and your LOST and your Broken and you know what !

 

IT'S OK because all it means is your human and you have a good heart.

 

You are never going to control this man's behavior but you can control how you react to it and you have two choices.

 

1. Do what your doing and grow cold.

 

or

 

2. Embrace the pain and love the fact that you where able to LOVE someone and grow happy.

 

We both know the truth.

 

You LOVED him and you LOVE your family.

 

He is gone but your family is not and they need YOU to be good and they need you to be strong.

 

It's going to be ok, you sound like you are a very smart woman and it's sounds like your not going to have any problem finding someone to love you again but if you grow cold then you may only end up back here or worse you may eventually hurt someone else and send them here and I know you don't want that.

 

 

Sincerely

Sambo

Edited August 12, 2010 by Sambo

[wrencn]

If you don't mind some constructive feed back I will offer it. I'm certainly no expert and God knows I am not perfect and I have my own issues. It's my opinion and I could be wrong so if you don't like what I'm going to say just ignore it.

 

I think you running from yourself.

 

Why are you so afraid to hurt and feel the pain for what it really is?

 

It's sounds to me like your in denial. Just say F ### It !!!!

 

How do you really feel and let it all out !!!!!

 

Go out into the woods and scream, cry, kick stuff and break down if you have to but get all that toxic poison out of your system.

 

You HURT and your ANGRY and your LOST and your Broken and you know what !

 

IT'S OK because all it means is your human and you have a good heart.

 

You are never going to control this man's behavior but you can control how you react to it and you have two choices.

 

1. Do what your doing and grow cold.

 

or

 

2. Embrace the pain and love the fact that you where able to LOVE someone and grow happy.

 

We both know the truth.

 

You LOVED him and you LOVE your family.

 

He is gone but your family is not and they need YOU to be good and they need you to be strong.

 

It's going to be ok, you sound like you are a very smart woman and it's sounds like your not going to have any problem finding someone to love you again but if you grow cold then you may only end up back here or worse you may eventually hurt someone else and send them here and I know you don't want that.

 

 

Sincerely

Sambo

 

Thanks for the advice. I don't think I'm growing cold, but I'm not sure how you define it. I am growing impatient with myself. I was doing so well I guess I didn't realize that I was still on this damn rollercoaster. I do want to be alone- I can't even imagine dating anyone which causes me sadness since he wants to run around and date. I know any relationship where one person puts the other on a pedestal can not survive but it just hurts that some other girl is on the pedestal I use to occupy, and they aren't even together. She's working things out with her boyfriend, it's like my husband is obsessed with her. He's so emotionally immature and it drives me crazy because I feel he's too old to behave like a teenager. Guess I'm in the anger stage of this process lol.

 

I am very strong for my boys though. I don't let them see me sad. I deal with it in the middle of the night when they are asleep.

 

Thanks for your advice, I will take all that I can get

[boosh]

First crap day in a week or so today. It's painfully obvious there's a guy who is making every attempt to get involved with her, and I'm pretty sure she's going along with it. While I know it's one of the steps towards recovering, it still bothers me. We had a long talk a week or so ago, and we decided to go NC for a while, to figure ourselves out emotionally, and also to heal. But we left the door open for the possibility or reuniting down the road.

 

Hopefully this idiot is just a passing trend, but I don't really know.

[Sambo]

Thanks for the advice. I don't think I'm growing cold, but I'm not sure how you define it. I am growing impatient with myself. I was doing so well I guess I didn't realize that I was still on this damn rollercoaster. I do want to be alone- I can't even imagine dating anyone which causes me sadness since he wants to run around and date. I know any relationship where one person puts the other on a pedestal can not survive but it just hurts that some other girl is on the pedestal I use to occupy, and they aren't even together. She's working things out with her boyfriend, it's like my husband is obsessed with her. He's so emotionally immature and it drives me crazy because I feel he's too old to behave like a teenager. Guess I'm in the anger stage of this process lol.

 

I am very strong for my boys though. I don't let them see me sad. I deal with it in the middle of the night when they are asleep.

 

Thanks for your advice, I will take all that I can get

 

 

 

So really your just DISAPPOINTED ?

 

I understand that completely.

 

Your belief about this man was much higher then his actions have shown you and your probably mad at yourself for loving someone like this ?

 

I know the feeling, it's like how could I be so stupid !

[wrencn]

so really your just disappointed ?

 

I understand that completely.

 

Your belief about this man was much higher then his actions have shown you and your probably mad at yourself for loving someone like this ?

 

I know the feeling, it's like how could i be so stupid !

exactly!!!

[Username37]

It's funny, I see this thread all the time. But I haven't posted in it yet haha

 

I had two NC runs. My first was short lived. I caved and I ended up talking to her a lot, then I had false hope and I tried for a second chance and she said no and not to talk to her. Now I'm on NC beginning June 20th which was ironically the day I began talking to her TWO years ago.

 

I had my days of strength. But lately I've been feeling lonely and depressed. Maybe because I found out more **** about my ex. I'll be seeing her in 2 weeks so I gotta get my crap together.

[Thorgs]

exactly!!!

Sorry to hear you're having a dip in your climb to happiness! You were doing so well too. It's too bad he's showing his true colors when it comes to the boys and child support, etc. Live and learn right? Think of how strong you will be after this all blows over. I mean, you look tiny in your avatar (even though it's hard to see) but literally you'll be a rock

 

Remember, life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. Now get on your sexiest outfit and go out there and dance babe!!

[Thorgs]

Today has been a good day...but for some reason right before I go to bed I keep getting angry feelings about how she could just up and leave me to go **** around with someone with a big paycheck. I guess I never really meant anything to her and I was just a rebound.

 

Anyways, today has been good. Thank God work has been taking my mind off of reality...2 weeks starting Monday. It's going to be hard because I have nothing to do.

[BeagleGal]

I've had a rough couple of weeks, moreso than usual. This week its been pure feeling sorry for myself bull****. And I hate it.

I see my therapist after work today so hopefully that helps pull me out of it but right now, last night, last week, last month... its been hell.

[Sambo]

exactly!!!

 

 

It's crazy how we put people on pedestals or for that matter even expect them to be sane.

 

My ex left me because she wanted a house with a pool and lots of tree's in the back yard.

 

We had a $500,000 townhouse and a house like that would be $1million and I wasn't ready for that move just yet.

 

She got impatient because she said she has waited 3 years

 

The stupidest part is the month she finds the new guy I start making some really nice money.

 

She left a 3 year relationship with someone that she knows she could trust for a complete stranger

 

It amazes me that I put this woman on a pedestal and thought she was so wonderful. I mean are we all totally blind and stupid when were in love or what ?

 

So I know how you feel .... but like I said I think we have to be careful to not throw the baby out with the bath water and our ex's are not exactly prime examples of all the men and women in the world and we also need to remember, just because it didn't work it was not our fault and it might not even be their fault. It was just a bad match up but it sure didn't feel like it at the time. I still think she was my soul mate but I guess I was wrong.

Edited August 13, 2010 by Sambo

[Thorgs]

Today has been a good day...but for some reason right before I go to bed I keep getting angry feelings about how she could just up and leave me to go **** around with someone with a big paycheck. I guess I never really meant anything to her and I was just a rebound.

 

Anyways, today has been good. Thank God work has been taking my mind off of reality...2 weeks starting Monday. It's going to be hard because I have nothing to do.

2 weeks off starting Monday*

[Thorgs]

Well, found out the ex is with a new guy already. He's a doctor so he gets a fat paycheck, something I don't get. I was thinking of the reasons she broke up with me; wants to be single/doesn't want a relationship, concerned about my finances, and we fought a lot (which we didn't, her daughters just walked all over me and she did nothing to stop it). I suppose I never meant a damn thing to her. I guess this will make it easier to move on and build up the little self esteem I have left. I was nothing but genuine with her and 100% honest with everything I did. Sadly, I still love her. I have a feeling I'll be single forever, but if that protects me from the dark places this breakup has put me, then so be it.

[AlwaysConflicted]

I'm going to chime in because the last couple of posts have been about money.

 

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. Reasons she cited were that I was moody. True, but I had recently lost my job and wasn't able to buy her everything like I did before.

 

Anyways, 3 weeks after the breakup and NC I found a high paying job. I was missing her like crazy so I showed up at her house 1 night to talk.

 

I told her about my new job and she literally asked, "How much are you making?" Confused by love I actually told her the amount. The 2nd question she asked was "Did you sign a contract for the new job?"

 

Clearly, money was very important to her. I never dated a girl like that before. Most of the girls prior to her were always very caring and nice. This one was hunting for a husband to support her.

 

It's scary to think women like that really exist. Watch out for the gold diggers, they are sheep in wolves clothing.

[flyguy23]

Day 1 and I feel like crap. She treated me like crap and then started to ignore me, so it doesn't really feel like I am doing NC, she hasn't even tried to contact me and probably never will after 4 years of dating.

[skydiveaddict]

Day 1 and I feel like crap. She treated me like crap and then started to ignore me, so it doesn't really feel like I am doing NC, she hasn't even tried to contact me and probably never will after 4 years of dating.

 

 

Day I have no idea, and I'm flaming hard. wish all of you better luck

[LostInTurn]

Day 1 and I feel like crap. She treated me like crap and then started to ignore me, so it doesn't really feel like I am doing NC, she hasn't even tried to contact me and probably never will after 4 years of dating.

 

I'm sorry. I know that's the last thing you want to hear. Just remember you (another thing I'm sure you don't want to hear)

 

It does not matter if she has not contacted you. She may not contact you for one week, one year or five years. Regardless, we all need to remember even though we're hurting we gave our all. We invested time and energy. We did what we thought was right and probably more.

 

We are all good people. We all have broken hearts. We may think we lost that one person... but time will guide us. We are all in this together. When you cannot sleep, or when you pick up your cell phone and want to call, when you sit in front of your email and want to write it all down and send... don't. Just remember there is a world of people who are supporting you through this.

[csman1411]

day 2: feeling horrible, cant get her out of my head. We broke up one time around 6 months ago..she strung me along until she found another guy and they had a very rocky relationship. She called me every two weeks telling me how sad she was and how much she loved me (first time we broke up was my fault) I finally give in at the beginning of summer and we date the whole summer, good times but still had past problems arise. Got into another argument (probably my fault again) and she says shes done. Figure out two days ago shes talking to the exact same rebound. Lost, Hurt, lonely, and confused

[flyguy23]

I'm sorry. I know that's the last thing you want to hear. Just remember you (another thing I'm sure you don't want to hear)

 

It does not matter if she has not contacted you. She may not contact you for one week, one year or five years. Regardless, we all need to remember even though we're hurting we gave our all. We invested time and energy. We did what we thought was right and probably more.

 

We are all good people. We all have broken hearts. We may think we lost that one person... but time will guide us. We are all in this together. When you cannot sleep, or when you pick up your cell phone and want to call, when you sit in front of your email and want to write it all down and send... don't. Just remember there is a world of people who are supporting you through this.

 

 

Thanks for the kind words, that is nice of you. This is very hard for me but I will just have to get through it. I have no other option honestly.

[skydiveaddict]

Thanks for the kind words, that is nice of you. This is very hard for me but I will just have to get through it. I have no other option honestly.

 

 

Hang tough man. You are right. you're just gonna have to gut it out

[skydiveaddict]

day 2: feeling horrible, cant get her out of my head. We broke up one time around 6 months ago..she strung me along until she found another guy and they had a very rocky relationship. She called me every two weeks telling me how sad she was and how much she loved me (first time we broke up was my fault) I finally give in at the beginning of summer and we date the whole summer, good times but still had past problems arise. Got into another argument (probably my fault again) and she says shes done. Figure out two days ago shes talking to the exact same rebound. Lost, Hurt, lonely, and confused

 

 

Stay away from her for your own sanity. Have no contact with her at all. dump her # off your phone, dump her email, all of those things. She will drive you insane otherwise

[Monkeypants]

Flyguy,

 

Im in the same boat brother. My ex told me she was never talking to me again, which isnt the first time I have heard it and usually she texted or called within a day or so. This usually happened after I caught her in a lie. I wish I could tell you all the story but I have been lied to so many times and fed so many different stories that Im not really sure what the story is.

 

The only facts I know are:

 

- she cheated on me while i was taking care of my mother after my father died... in my house.. in my bed

- said she wasnt into the guy and she did it because she was drunk and wanted to make me mad

- said i was more important to her than him and she was going to cut all contact

- would tell me stories of how she would ignore him and how she loved me

- now they are going on a cruise together ( as only "friends" after texting me all night how she screwed up and loves me )

 

After all of this I finally went NC and its been 3 days. I feel like a fool because I keep looking at my phone to see if she texted me. A large part of me wants her to text me just so i know that she thinking of me and maybe this bothers her. Mostly, I have figured out what bothers me the most is after 3 yrs I have no answers for all the lies.

 

If she wanted to be w this dude than why lie to me to keep me around and go out of her way to make me feel like a jealous weirdo when i asked questions about the situation.

 

So i understand how you feel... I feel like a caged dog that has been beat and locked up so long that when i have finally been granted freedom i go back into the cage

 

With all of that said, Im not going to cave. The way Im looking at it is, if I cave.. I lose. I lose more self respect and the respect of the people who actually care about me. Its hard and i find myself thinking about her and if she is w that guy during the day. However, even w it only being 3 days its getting easier.

 

Just dont give up brother!!

[flyguy23]

I feel the same way, I keep looking at my phone only to see nothing. I want to know if she is thinking of me as much as I am but clearly she isn't. She has done this before but usually calls or texts throughout the day but this time she hasn't. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason she is acting this way is because she has found someone else or is thinking about getting with someone else. All I know is that this is a pretty bad feeling. But I will not contact her and if she does I will not answer anyway because she can not take back what she has done to me.

[Monkeypants]

Im dealing with the NC as if it is an addiction. You cave it and think about it but over time it fades. I think what you and I are doing is out of habit. Im sure both these broads will contact us at some point just because we both have always been the saps that were there. Once, our addiction to their attention ends they have no power over us. Look at it that way.

 

The other thing that seems to help is I have been going out with friends that are female. Im not trying to date them or anything but talking to them getting their opinions is great. Not too mention being the only guy in a group of women, even if your hurting, is a good feeling

[flyguy23]

Tough day, I went to shoot basketball at a local court to get my mind off my ex and what do I see. Her car parked in front of this guys house, I then find out she on some boat party on this guys boat. To say the least I am upset right now