To confess or not to confess to an affair?

[Assal]

This is somewhat long, but please deal with me -

 

I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now.

Two years into our relationship, my boyfriend decided to move to a country and a particular area where his mother was (English is not spoken in that area) - we have agreed to move there temp for 3 months, then move out elsewhere so I could get a job, etc. I agreed and left my job, my family and my friends behind and moved.

 

Ten months passed and he flat out refused to hold up his end of the deal.

Every time I voiced my discontent he would promise, just a little longer and I each time I'd agree to wait just a little longer.

 

Bit later I started a part time course. I met someone there and I did something awful - I had an affair for a month. The person I was seeing was also in a long term relationship (5 years at the time, if I remember correctly).

After a while, I stopped the affair.

Regardless of how bad my problems were, affair was something even more terrible. It did not make me feel better, it made me feel worse.

I have never before cheated nor done anything of the sorts nor do I plan to sink this low ever again.

I was selfish. I was not thinking about anyone else. I was feeling lonely, and trapped and whatnot and had no regard on the morality of what I was doing. If I had the knowledge I have now, I would have never done anything like this. If I could turn back time and undo this awful awful thing I would.

 

Now, a year has passed since that time and we have worked VERY hard on fixing things, but I still carry the burden of shame for what I've done and I don't know if I should come clean.

I don't want to bury my partner into an avalanche of my incompetence and weakness, but equally, I don't want to hide this terrible thing from him.

 

To confess and bear with the consequence or to stay quiet and deal with the guilt?

[Iconoclast]

Tough one. Some people can detach and bury it in their head.

I couldn't, i'd confess, not only because it's the truth and he should know, not only because it's the right thing to do, but because I have to face myself everyday, I HAVE to be able to trust myself, even more than my wife.

You don't have to remember the truth, it merely is. Lies you have to remember and maintain. I'm way too lazy for that.

 

I have not beat you up about your affair, it looks like you've done that yourself, good. But now, should you confess, and you should, there will be consequences, and the end of your relationship is a strong possibility. Yeah, it's horrible, but you knew that when you made the decision to cheat.

 

 

Good luck.

[Bryanp]

You know you owe your boyfriend the truth. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you expect him to show you the respect by at least telling you the truth? You either have a relationship based on a foundation of honesty and respect or lies and deceit. You made a horrible mistake for a month. Your boyfriend deserves to know the whole truth so he can make a decision on how to proceed with the relationship and move forward with or without you. By withholding this information from him you are still showing total disrespect toward him and playing him for a fool. This is not just about only you. It is about the both of you. Do the right thing and give him the truth. Show him now the respect that he deserves. I wish you luck.

[lkjh]

If you can't confess than flat out break it off with him and let him find someone that will stay faithful. Staying faithful some of the time is not good enough

 

Also, a lot of people on here are going to be sympathetic and want to give you a pass because your relationship was in a tough spot, but the truth is every relationship hits speed bumps. Its peoples character that pushes them to cheat. You may be over and you may not but either way life is not perfect and one little hard spot is justification for cheating

 

don't look for justification for your actions. You cheated because you were presented with the opportunity and you took it.

[scotteh]

What you need to do is tell him the truth, the ball will be in his court but and you will have to leave the fate of the relationship in his hands but you need to come clean, if you ask him to forgive you maybe he will.

[lostsunsets]

Deal with it. or take a chance on losing him. What can you live with?

[Dexter Morgan]

Deal with it. or take a chance on losing him. What can you live with?

 

it shouldn't be about what the cheater can live with. It should be about the person that was betrayed and what they deserve to know about their so-called significant other.