Courtness85 Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 First off, I know cheating is WRONG! I'll say that first before I type the rest of this post so people don't misunderstand me... My best friend cheated on his last girlfriend only one time. I don't mean to excuse it by saying "only one time" but still it was once. It wasn't with a friend of hers or a family member but it's still a bad mistake. He knows it was wrong and in face will not forgive himself...It's been like 4 years and he thinks he is a horrible, bad person and is depressed. I can't seem to say anything to get it through that he isn't a bad person, he just made a very stupid mistake. We're all human, nobody is perfect. Can anyone give me some advice that might help him? Anything would be very appreciated! Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Iconoclast Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 He needs to tell her. Poor thing, he developed a conscience and doesn't know what to do with it, and is tormenting himself. He needs to forgive himself (and he probably won't until he tells her), let this be the lesson that will never be repeated. I've never cheated, but i've done some awful stuff in the past. I didn't apologize and no longer have that opportunity, and it haunts me. I still feel crushing moments of shame, and it's been 25 years. He doesn't need that. Sounds like he's learned a valuable lesson now, instead of a catastrophe in the future. It's ok to forgive yourself. You'll know when you can. Show him this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 First off, I know cheating is WRONG! I'll say that first before I type the rest of this post so people don't misunderstand me... My best friend cheated on his last girlfriend only one time. you can leave out the "only" part. it doesn't diminish his actions whatsoever. I don't mean to excuse it by saying "only one time" but still it was once. if you don't mean to excuse it, whats the point of saying it? It wasn't with a friend of hers or a family member but it's still a bad mistake. a mistake? did he do it because he wanted to? yes. nobody messes around with someone else if they don't want to. did he do this willingly? yes. so its no mistake. a stupid, lousy choice, but not a mistake. He knows it was wrong and in face will not forgive himself...It's been like 4 years and he thinks he is a horrible, bad person and is depressed. I can't seem to say anything to get it through that he isn't a bad person, he just made a very stupid mistake. We're all human, nobody is perfect. nobody is perfect......but not all of us do something so callous to someone else. I'm human, i make real mistakes....but never cheated, never will. why? because it isn't a mistake, but a conscious decision and I consciously know I'm not going to do it. The "we are human and make mistakes" doesn't hold water. Can anyone give me some advice that might help him? Anything would be very appreciated! well cheating doesn't make him a saint thats for sure, whether he is a horrible person or not is a matter of opinion. but i'll put that aside. problem is, he didn't feel she was significant enough, or didn't deserve the respect of him telling her what he did before she became too entrenched in this relationship. so now it is 4 years later....he has 2 choices. He either tells her and deals with the fallout, and maybe she'll forgive him and he can move on OR He keeps his mouth shut, sucks it up and deals with his feelings of being horrible. because I doubt anyone with a soul would think they are a fantastic person if they are harboring a dark secret from someone they claim to love that they betrayed them. Link to post Share on other sites
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