Different communication styles

[wierdmunky]

Me and my mom have different styles of stating what we need, and maybe someone can help me use a different approach to both saying what I need and reacting to her, and maybe changing the way things are said around the house.

 

When she needs something, or is angry that something didn't get done, she won't stop at the point. She keeps going ranting until someone will go beyond validating her after she's done complaining. When that happens I usually wait 1 minute before saying anything. Besides telling her she will get what she wants, you have to make sure you don't say it in a way that might make her feel like she's not being disrespected. It's the same thing for small stuff, but the bigger issues are even worse.

 

Since I can't stand her style, I say very plainly what I need, why, and that's it. I also respond to her the same way when she is having a fit if I wait long enough to try not to get into any kind of disagreement.

 

I see her as a whining, being indirect, and feel like I have to sift through all the clouds to understand what it is she actually wants, and it's so difficult to figure out if she really doesn't like me, or just mad at the situation. She'll tend to go on a critical rant like her opinion is more than that, it's just plain right end of story. For example: If I gain or lose a few pounds she'll tell me I'm fat or anorexic.

 

The thing is I'm so impatient now that I want to snap at her in the middle of her sentences. That is everything she's always taught us not to be about other people, adults, and parents. She also hates people talking about her and our family or if they criticize her or hurt her feelings on accident, but she is just as brutal about anyone else with no feelings to spare. Especially if anything seems to be out of line. Really it's all gossip. Another thing I can not stand.

 

She probably see's me as too aloof, and not engaging.

 

This causes so many arguments and we've had more than our share of "family meetings" to figure it out, and she just brings it back to "I don't feel respected". So I'm left defenseless. I tried. But if she thinks she is than she is. My dad will always side with her on that line. It's like the right of passage for having kids.

 

On the other hand, I have no defense if I'm ever being attacked by her when she starts her rants. All she has to say is the 'I feel like I'm being disrespected' line, and it's like a free pass to say whatever is in her gut to tell me. She brings it out from like the deepest pit of disgustingness.

 

I can't stand her anymore, and it feels like my ears bleed when I listen to her. I don't say anything back or else it's "the line". I'm really trying not to be selfish in this situation so I'm asking for ways around it, through it, under it whatever.