HvnsAngel Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Hello there, this is my first time posting on this website, and I am hoping I can get a little help here. Well I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I love him with all my heart. I found out just recently that I had miscarried our child, and it has been very hard form me to deal with. I am not getting the type of reaction from him that I thought I would. I didn't really know I was pregnant until I went to the Dr.'s about something else and at that time found out I was pregnant but possibly losing the baby. Well everything was confirmed and I found out that I was pregnant and I lost the baby. It's really hard for me to deal with, but he acts as if he really doesn't care. I'm not sure if this is just the way men respond to these times of situations. Now the thing is he doesn't want to have anymore children, he has a little girl from a previous relationship already! I think he is afraid of the same thing happening with us, and he doesn't want to have to raise another child on his own, without the mother and father being together. I can understand how he feels, but I am just really confused. I feel as if this was my only chance to have his child, and things just didn't happen, and now I am hurting so bad. He is very firm and sticks behind his feeling of not wanting to have children. I love him very much and want to have a child with him one day, but it's just not going to happen if he doesn't want anymore children. What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Originally posted by HvnsAngel he doesn't want to have to raise another child on his own, without the mother and father being together. I can understand how he feels, but I am just really confused. I feel as if this was my only chance to have his child, and things just didn't happen, and now I am hurting so bad. He is very firm and sticks behind his feeling of not wanting to have children. I love him very much and want to have a child with him one day, but it's just not going to happen if he doesn't want anymore children. What to do? I'm sorry for your miscarriage. I am a parent and have also lost two unborn children. If he does not want children the worst thing you can do is try to have one anyway! That is deceptive and disrespectful and selfish. Either accept that you will not have any children with him, or leave him and find a man who will someday want children. You don't want to stay with him and hope that someday he changes his mind - because he may not. Based on your post - I would say end the relationship and move on to someone who has the same priorities as you. Link to post Share on other sites
cdn Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Ditto to all Errol said. I've also had miscarriages and know how painful they are. I believe that men share this pain, so your bf's lack of concern may either be his coping mechanism (i.e., he does care but doesn't know how to show it) or it may be that he truly does not want children and therefore is relieved rather than upset. Do you and your bf have plans to marry? At the risk of sounding hopelessly old-fashioned, I would suggest that marriage and then children is the best sequence of events. Of course, if you want children and your bf does not, then I think you have discovered a major incompatibility and you need to reassess the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
xalysabethh Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 i ALSO agree , if you guys can not agree on more (future) children you should not stay int the realationship i've seen it happen before the guy wont change his mind you'll resnt him or if you do get pregent he'll resent you. it just is a big mistake. so sit down discuss this and go from there xalysabeth Ps: i too have had a miscarriage and am sorry for you r loss Link to post Share on other sites
Author HvnsAngel Posted February 11, 2004 Author Share Posted February 11, 2004 Thanks for everyone's replies! Well my boyfriend and I had a long discuss and now I am really confused. He told me that he wants to get a vasectomy because that way he will be a 100% sure that he will never have kids again. I'm not sure how to take it. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and I think that he is scared of us having a baby and then maybe the same thing happening to us that happened in his last relationship. I love him and his daughter very much and I'm not sure what to do. I think I can't definitely say that I will never have a child by this man, and it is so upsetting to me. Can anyone out there help me out on what I should do. Is there any hope that sometime along the road ahead he will change his mind and want to have a child with me? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 Well, if the V word is being tossed around, I'd say he's pretty much determined to not spread his seed anymore. That sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
CaterpillarGirl Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 He most likely will NOT change is mind. There is nothing you can do to change it. You must accept that you cannot have a child with this man, or leave the relationship in hopes of finding someone who will be a father to your children. I'm sure this is hard for you, but it's unethical for you to continue to harangue this man in hopes that he'll give into you. I wish you the very best in finding someone who has the same dreams and plans for the future as you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HvnsAngel Posted February 18, 2004 Author Share Posted February 18, 2004 It's me again and I want to thank everyone for your opinions. I am really confused because I love this man with all my heart and I love his daughter very much. I have built a close bound with his daughter and I love her as if she was one of my own. I don't know what to do though, because if he truly does not want to have anymore children, then I don't know what I will do. He has already told me how he feels about having more children. I keep on praying that he will change his mind, and that things will work out. But sometimes I think I am just praying for something that will never be. I love his daughter so much, and it would kill me to not be in her life anymore. He is a good man, and I love him with all I have inside. I am just really confused and lost at this point! Link to post Share on other sites
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