CailinPig Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 anyone else in the same boat? why is it that I look around and see the majority of my 25 year old friends in long term relationships varying from 3 - 7 years long and I'm on my own and incapable of dealing with my love life? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 Yeah. I'm not 25 but it wasn't until I was 25 that I started laying some lumber and got into a long term relationship at long last. It's luck of the draw. A lot of variables can go into why you haven't met anyone yet. I started to write mine but it would have been a book--probably entitled The Why Me Syndrome. Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 I'm 23 and many of my peers are getting engaged and even married. Meanwhile I can't get a gf... why me? Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 "Why me" is the internal dialogue that points the finger externally whether it's an act of god or fate, where the utterer has no control or responsibility over their lives or destinies. Better that the internal dialogue says "do it within reason while making calculated risks". Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 Better that the internal dialogue says "do it within reason while making calculated risks". ? Link to post Share on other sites
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 anyone else in the same boat? why is it that I look around and see the majority of my 25 year old friends in long term relationships varying from 3 - 7 years long and I'm on my own and incapable of dealing with my love life? I'm 26 and I look around and see people people in relationships as well while I can barely get one date every few years. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 Cheer up and STOP THIS PITTY PARTY Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 ?Sorry, did a leap without expressing it properly. Forgot to include the "fear of" part. The "why me" statement of "can't get a g/f" has underlying reasons why this is the case, rather than an act of god or fate. Since I don't know your situation, can't even begin to guess. Link to post Share on other sites
jstalltxga Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 sounds familiar. Hey if its a pitty party its going to happen somewhere. people need answers its not fair to knock on them. i'm 26, havent had a girlfriend in over 10 years. just lots of dating and very short lived situations that lead nowhere. meanwhile most of my friends seem to have it pretty well figured out. but it's never what it seems. I feel ya. Link to post Share on other sites
crfsti Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 Your not alone, I'm also in the same boat, I'm almost 27 and I've never been able to land a gf. While all my friends are engaged or married now(i've been a bestman twice) It leaves me the odd man out:confused:, wishing i had what they do. Someday hopefully, my day will come... Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 I often find myself saying this a lot more than I should, too. Everyone I know has someone--and people that I least expect to even entertain a relationship have someone. Myself? Don't even know how to get my foot in the door. I feel so lame and pathetic for it, like I just don't have what it takes. Even when taking my age (I'm 22) into consideration, I'm far behind many teens in the area of experience. Just....wow. Link to post Share on other sites
Gero Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 I often find myself saying this a lot more than I should, too. Everyone I know has someone--and people that I least expect to even entertain a relationship have someone. Myself? Don't even know how to get my foot in the door. I feel so lame and pathetic for it, like I just don't have what it takes. Even when taking my age (I'm 22) into consideration, I'm far behind many teens in the area of experience. Just....wow. Same here except I am 26. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CailinPig Posted July 10, 2010 Author Share Posted July 10, 2010 See, I'm not saying I've not had relationships, I had one major one that lasted 3 years and then I was seeing a guy for a few months, but any of my friends who met their bf's the same time I met my longterm guy, they're all still with theirs, and I'm left alone, knowing what I'm missing, and wondering how I've gotten it so wrong, and everyone else has it so right. Pity party right here!! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused100 Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I often find myself saying this a lot more than I should, too. Everyone I know has someone--and people that I least expect to even entertain a relationship have someone. Myself? Don't even know how to get my foot in the door. I feel so lame and pathetic for it, like I just don't have what it takes. Even when taking my age (I'm 22) into consideration, I'm far behind many teens in the area of experience. Just....wow. I feel the same way. I have zero experience sadly, which makes me feel worse since I feel like that decreases my chances. I'm trying of course and I think i've learned something from each failed attempt and the advice on here has helped me gain new perspectives on things (it just has to be with friends each time!) but it still sucks. It doesn't help that it takes me forever to get over people too. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I don't blame you guys for feeling bad or anything. It sucks to be alone. I'm happier in a relationship than not in one, BUT . . . . You guys are all still so young! None of you are in your thirties even. Don't forget that. Even those of you who have little experience, well, some people just meet who they want to marry in their first relationship (my parents were that way and I think I am that way) and other people have to date around a lot, but I don't think it's hopeless for any of you. Not to mention that a lot of people marry young and then get divorced and wish they had waited until they were older. If you don't get into a serious relationship until you're older that might actually be to your advantage. Link to post Share on other sites
stellaluna Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 People that feel sorry for themselves are so unattractive. Theres nothing worse then that kind of attitude when you meet a person. It sticks out like a sore thumb. People don't want to spend time with people that feel sorry for themselves. Changing the attitude is a good place to start. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I don't blame you guys for feeling bad or anything. It sucks to be alone. I'm happier in a relationship than not in one, BUT . . . . You guys are all still so young! None of you are in your thirties even. Don't forget that. Even those of you who have little experience, well, some people just meet who they want to marry in their first relationship (my parents were that way and I think I am that way) and other people have to date around a lot, but I don't think it's hopeless for any of you. Not to mention that a lot of people marry young and then get divorced and wish they had waited until they were older. If you don't get into a serious relationship until you're older that might actually be to your advantage. All of this is good advice. Experience is still a big factor, though. I lack so much in that department to the point where it's laughable. I'm not feeling sorry for myself here, just telling it how it is. I think dating around is the most logical choice--but for me, dating is my Achilles heel, as I don't even know how to go about acquiring one in the first place. The most basic thing for some is like the most difficult thing for me. Combine the above with the fact that I have SA (Which I am trying to combat through various ways), and I have a real problem on my hands. I'm only 22, yes--but even this isn't a good age to be lacking in experience with women. I know you have to fight the good fight to get somewhere, but rejection on paper looks...bad, so I'm sure that'll only harm my already bad self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
stellaluna Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 pipe down, pipe down, i went a year with a gf and it sucked, were entitled to whine, holier than thou attitude you got there Okay tough guy, whine all you like, I could care less. Just get used to being alone when you have that attitude. You whine, get through it and get over it, move on. OP is talking about a "poor me" attitude- I'm answering that it's not attractive. To believe you have no control over yer own destiny is silly. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused100 Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 People that feel sorry for themselves are so unattractive. Theres nothing worse then that kind of attitude when you meet a person. It sticks out like a sore thumb. People don't want to spend time with people that feel sorry for themselves. Changing the attitude is a good place to start. Good point. I don't think I project this attitude when I'm in public? I feel like I'm upbeat and fun. I'm not as shy as I used to be, I just haven't had any luck yet. I'll just go into this 'why me' mood when alone or when venting to my close friends. All of this is good advice. Experience is still a big factor, though. I lack so much in that department to the point where it's laughable. I'm not feeling sorry for myself here, just telling it how it is. I think dating around is the most logical choice--but for me, dating is my Achilles heel, as I don't even know how to go about acquiring one in the first place. The most basic thing for some is like the most difficult thing for me. Combine the above with the fact that I have SA (Which I am trying to combat through various ways), and I have a real problem on my hands. I'm only 22, yes--but even this isn't a good age to be lacking in experience with women. I know you have to fight the good fight to get somewhere, but rejection on paper looks...bad, so I'm sure that'll only harm my already bad self-esteem. Same here. I can make girl friends, but no luck on the dating front yet. Granted, I haven't asked that many girls out yet... It doesn't help that I seem to go in this circle: make a solid friend, get interested in her, ask her out, get rejected, it becomes awkward. Eventually I get over her when I meet and make a new friend, get stuck in the loop again. I've learned some things from the past couple screw ups, so hopefully I can apply that to new situations with some success. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Yeah, that's (That loop) the tough part. Most would say being friends with a woman is a good start--but for me, it's mainly been a deathly experience in regards to us possibly being together. So that route doesn't look too bright at this point. I guess the next thing we should do is focus on making our intentions clear with women, early on. This is where I get shaky, though. You see, I don't know how to do that. At all. As for the "feeling sorry" thing--I never show this or even give a hint of it when I'm around women. That's just the sorta thing I do when I'm on forums, or when I think to myself about how much I suck with women. Most think it's easy to simply shift your mindset and be overly positive when you're terrible with women, and garner no interest. It really isn't that simple. It's pretty hard to be confident with women when you seemingly don't have much reason to be confident in the first place. TL;DR:An in-experienced mindset, along with being unable to generate basic interest from women sucks. A lot. It's an awful feeling when you go to sleep at night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CailinPig Posted July 13, 2010 Author Share Posted July 13, 2010 Stellaluna - this is a forum on which ppl are free to cmplain about stuff they feel, but probably never show to others. you have a bit of a bad attitude, in my opinion, telling me people like that are unattractive, that's not a helpful post, dude! i don't feel sorry for myself, i just sometimes wonder how i'm in this situation, nothing wrong with a bit of self-analysis! Link to post Share on other sites
EveBeach Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 But what about if you in your thirties and nothings changed. No dates, no relationships, no single friends anymore? Whats next? I just want to be able to find away to connect with people, not neccessarily have a pity party but how do I change my circumstances thats the problem, how? Link to post Share on other sites
Confused100 Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I guess the next thing we should do is focus on making our intentions clear with women, early on. This is where I get shaky, though. You see, I don't know how to do that. that seems like the logical next step. I guess I might have to go out of my comfort zone a little and just ask our a girl that I have some interest in. I usually meet them in my college classes so I guess the best thing to do is ask them out for a date as I've learned a little bit about them; not after we've already become friends. I guess I just fear that it'll make class all awkward if I get rejected though. I'm still trying to get over being rejected from one of my current friends. I fell completely head over heels for her. We got along so well before I asked her out and I want to get back to being friends, but things still feel a bit weird even though that was 3-4 weeks ago. It doesn't help that I'm getting all these mixed signs: e.g. Not responding to all texts but then commenting on facebook status and initiating a text. I guess that was a tangent but I can bring it back by saying that I'm currently stuck in the loop and I probably won't move completely on until I find someone new to get interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
Nela Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 sorry, had to join your pity party here... even though it's been awhile since the last post 23, never dated, never had a bf. Sometimes, actually... most of the time, I wonder why! Am I that horrible? I mean, I'm usually a nice person and I know I'm not pretty, but people aren't scared away by my looks either Like the others, I don't act like I feel sorry for myself, except to close friends. But it's hard, I'm so tired of being alone, and any friend I make has a bf/gf so I'm reminded every single day of how it could be (rubbed into my face is more like it). I just want to experience what it's like, I want to feel loved, I want to feel important to someone... I want to matter. I want to stop feeling the odd one out everywhere. The fifth wheel. And the most annoying part of it all is that I know I shouldn't worry too much about it, my time will come (they say...), but I just cannot stop thinking about the fact that I am completely and utterly alone. Every single day. Link to post Share on other sites
ShadowBlue Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 sorry, had to join your pity party here... even though it's been awhile since the last post 23, never dated, never had a bf. Sometimes, actually... most of the time, I wonder why! Am I that horrible? I mean, I'm usually a nice person and I know I'm not pretty, but people aren't scared away by my looks either Like the others, I don't act like I feel sorry for myself, except to close friends. But it's hard, I'm so tired of being alone, and any friend I make has a bf/gf so I'm reminded every single day of how it could be (rubbed into my face is more like it). I just want to experience what it's like, I want to feel loved, I want to feel important to someone... I want to matter. I want to stop feeling the odd one out everywhere. The fifth wheel. And the most annoying part of it all is that I know I shouldn't worry too much about it, my time will come (they say...), but I just cannot stop thinking about the fact that I am completely and utterly alone. Every single day. Could be worse. You could be me - 30, a guy, never dated, never had a girlfriend but still...rejected...every...SINGLE...TIME. And it never gets better. :mad: Very difficult to be positive and upbeat when everyone around you gets into relationships like clockwork. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts