Ex just stopped talking to me.

[Joe Dirt]

Well long story short, I dated my ex for 5.5 years and we broke up end of last year. We tried to stay civil and talk and had talks about getting back together. She is away at graduate school and I am working full time. So right now wasnt a time for her to have a relationship. My intentions were to get back together and she was unsure. She kept telling me it wasnt going to happen instantly and we still had a long way to go.

 

 

We were talking about 2-3x a week for about 7 months after the break up. Sometimes it was civil, but other times the past would always come up and it would turn into an arguement or some disagreement causing drama we both didnt need. I started texting her a lot and might have pushed her further away

 

 

Well recently things dramatically changed. She told me about 2 weeks ago that she had been busy but still thought about her future and how with work I she had thoughts of me there. So i thought hey after 6 months of chasing her it finally worked.

 

 

Well soon after that she said we really needed to talk. I didnt answer her calls for 3 days since I was busy and she went to a mutual friends wedding. Well I found out she got interested in another guy at the wedding and has started to talk and has interest in him and maybe pursing a relationship.

 

Well I messaged her the wedding night and saw she was reading them and never responded. I kind of was pushy that night due to our situation and things got a little out of hand. I shouldnt have said a word that night bcause her best friend got married but I was asking about how it went and then I got upset.

 

I found out about this other guy and she finally told me and her need to stop talking because I am causing too much drama in her life and I need to let her go.

 

I sent her a last goodbye email earlier this week after our last talk and she never responded. I feel crushed and dont know which way to go.

 

I know most people here will say move on get on with your life. But I am not the type to go out to bars and pick up ladies. I am very conservative and once I find something I like I try to keep it. Im not a bad looking guy to say the least. Maybe I am just lonely, but thought this girl was the one. Even after I heard her talking about me and doing some uncharacteristic things, I still wanted her back.

 

 

There are still feelings for this girl in my heart, my mind tells me to move on along with family and friends, but something tells me to keep trying. I asked her if we would ever talk again and she said maybe sometime, she wouldnt ignore me and forgot I existed, but she would tell me happy bday and such... im not looking for pity, I just want her back..

 

 

Help haha..

[TaraMaiden]

Well you knew it would happen, and you're right.

I'm telling you exactly what you suspected you'd be told.

 

Move on.

It's over.

 

You want her back?

It's not going to happen.

All this time she's been talking to you?

You were friend-zoned.

She was dangling you, and - trust me - I suspect she never had any intention of getting back together with you.

The more time wore on, the more her feelings cooled.

 

You really should drop this now, because it's gone too far past "could it happen?", and has firmly lodged in "not in a million years".

Back out now, before it goes as far as "when hell freezes over".

[TheLoneSock]

You are a man. Men build things. Time to rebuild yourself.

[sloudrou]

There are still feelings for this girl in my heart, my mind tells me to move on along with family and friends, but something tells me to keep trying.

 

Yes, and that something is your ego. You know in your head that it's over, you know in your head that you'll be a million times happier if you forget her and find someone else, but your ego wants to be the guy who won her back. The thing about the ego is that once it has what it wants, it immediately wants something else, so you wouldn't be satisfied if you won her back anyway (despite what your ego will tell you now).

 

This is why the "no contact" rule exists. If I break up with someone, it's done, over, finished. I don't necessarily hate them, but they're an ex for a reason. Why try to relive the past? Besides, bars and clubs aren't the only place to meet women, do you belong to a church? Are there women there you could talk to?

 

Either way, it's done with this chick. She had you in 'friend-zone' for seven months so you could keep the seat warm for her next boyfriend. Now her next boyfriend is here, so she doesn't need you keeping the seat warm anymore. Just. Move. On.

[Joe Dirt]

I understand what you guys are saying to me. Ultimately it is easier said than done.

 

I have been talking to this girl for about 6 years now and havent went more than about a week in those 6 years from talking. So its all new to me. Not to mention she was my first woman I ever truly loved. She opened my heart to new feelings. That is why it is so hard to move on.

 

I agree with you about the ego issue also. I have noticed by her posts on facebook and some of the ways she treated me in the last couple months that she isnt the same person I use to love. That is hard for me to realize, I never figured her to be one of those girls who changed instantly.

 

I should have cut ties with her months ago, but I still had feelings for her and she could basically have been lieing to me the whole time. I tried to relive the past because it was comfortable and I knew I could be happy there. I guess because she was there through some of my tough times the last few years.

 

Well I do not belong to many places right now. My gym just shut down, and I go to work, come home to study for more certifications in business, and then I repeat. The weekends are the only time i get to do things. So my time is limited to meet women. Im not the type to approach and hit on women because it is degrading to say the least, but I need to start doing something because Im starting to feel lonely even with my friends and family right behind me for support,

 

Problem is I still think about her just about every day even though she doesnt think of me that often. Im just caught up in this whole mess I feeel like I invested my time why not keep going.

 

Thanks for the information and replies... keep them coming!

[Joe Dirt]

Well, its been a week of NC and it is difficult but not unbearable. I guess this just shows how much I have realized since we broke up. I wished I would have chose this path months ago and taken away the control from her and she prob would be back in my arms.

 

But regardless here is the new issue. I know a lot about her life still and care about her. Well she completes her first part of grad school next Friday and it is also the day 6 years ago of our first date. I may call her up or just send a voicemail over to her congratulating her and saying about how I realized a lot since we talked and maybe we could talk again while she is off on summer break just to clear some things up. I have a lot of issues I am dealing with and this recently turned for the worse last week.

 

Any ideas?

[whatadeer26]

Do not go searching for closure. It will only put back at square 1. There are plenty of times I just want to text or call my ex, but I know it would do nothing but hurt me.

 

As selfish as this may sound the fact that she seems to be fine and happy without me hurts my feelings. I admit to not being very independent of her, but trust me talking to her will only open up the wounds.

 

I am not friends with my ex on Facebook anymore but if I stumble across something she wrote it digs the knife that I have been trying to delodge from my heart deeper.

[TaraMaiden]

Sure.

 

Forget it.

Leave it.

 

.....and saying about how I realized a lot since we talked and maybe we could talk again while she is off on summer break just to clear some things up.

You see?

Any old excuse to prolong your agony.

 

You really do want to keep braining yourself with the old metal jackhammer, don't you?

 

Leave - It - BE!!

 

No, do not contact her, do not congratulate her, do not message her, do not compliment her, do not say anything!!!!

 

I trust that's clear?

[Joe Dirt]

It is very clear. But everytime I think I should do one thing it ends up being wrong. So I dont know what to do anymore.

 

I understand what you guys are saying and I should stay clear of any more heartache.

 

I guess it would look pathetic if I did message her. Would seem like I am still chasing and she would see me with less respect than if I would not call.

 

Well I will be thinking about this up until next Friday. I have urges to send a msg or call at times, but I have swallowed my pride more times than not, and only hope I can do it next week. After that I would have no reason to talk... But I miss her

[whatadeer26]

The smallest things are going to hurt for a while. I was doing great up until yesterday when I stumbled on something she wrote on a friend of mines wall about going to Vegas. It made me so sad and I couldn't explain why. I was not given a real reason of why she broke up with me and I am still technically on a "Break". Trust me, How would you feel if she didn't respond? Although I think if I texted my ex she would respond, but for what? to give me false hope that the women I poured everything into will just crush me again. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Sooner or later you will see these for how true they are. I hope for you and I that it is ASAP.

 

If you must or find yourself needing to send or call, I suggest don't do it. Come onto LS and post here.

[Joe Dirt]

For a while? We broke at the end of last year. It has been a while. We continued to talk, text, and call each other 3-4 times a week. It was only awkard on the phone when the past came up. I guess she was just trying to be nice? But it did like you say only give me false hope until she found something else or someone treated her well.

 

We never really did try NC. One of us would always cave in due to missing the other one.

 

If I called or texted her I am sure i would get a "thanks" but like you said what would I get from that? Just would think "thats all"?

 

We broke up because I was becoming upset with my personal life and it was being taken out on her. So I dont blame her at all... It just is starting to feel like the breakup all over again because I now know I may never talk to her again.... Which breaks me apart. Everyday I find times when I think about her, but I have restrained my self as of right now.

 

They say time will heal wounds. But I wont let it. I am still just lost and confused. She has moved on and I am left behind in the dust. I dont pity myself by the farthest and I dont want any of that from anyone. I just want to be back to myself...

[alyssaridesktm]

hey, im actually going through a similar situation with my ex right now, and it really is extremely hard. we shared the same really tight group of friends, and they all dont even speak to me anymore

all my other friends are telling me the same things, not to talk to him, dont try to have any communication at all. and it feels nearly impossible..

the second i get the urge, i just call someone else so they can tell me not to.. may not feel completely better afterwards, but it gives me the chance to breathe and reconsider the attempt..

how i see it, the more you interrupt the natural ways of things.. the more you risk your chances in the future.

i truly believe that my ex is the one, and why we broke it off is completely crazy, just a really bad strain of events.. but im just going to take this time, and learn from it..

its been over a month is nothing has gotten any easier, granted some days are harder than others..

i just take this time for me, no matter how bad i want to talk to him.. it just makes it worse for myself in the end

whats meant will always be. it will find a way.... but i think the more you do now, the longer it takes for that day will come

honestly, the only thing you can do.. is let the time pass..

[Ilovecake]

You're obsessive and have no control over your emotions, you scared her, she asked you to stop causing drama in her life and you’re completely ignoring that. You're not getting her back move on.

[Jamie_w]

There is an outside chance you could get her back in 12+ months.

But you would have to go back a different , more confident person and attract her all over again.

 

If you want to do that then you need to do NC from now and work on yourslef.

And go date other women and practise your seduction.

 

In 12 months time you probably wont want her anyway, but you will have a lot more options that you have now

 

You are being weak contacting her. You believe she is the answer to your pain, she isnt YOU are