Will I ever get a girlfriend?

[classof2014]

I am a college freshman attending at top 30 school (not ivy league but still pretty good) that has cleft lip and palate. My voice is nasally and my lip has a significant scar. Luckily because of the skilled hands of the surgeon my lip does not look different except for the significant scar. I also have a slight hearing loss and I get sick more often. I am a very caring guy. When I approach girls I don't think about if I will be able to sleep with them soon, but is the girl a good match for me. However, I also know that girls want guys that are good looking and with my cleft lip/palate, I am very ugly. The rest of my face is fine. I look a little bit like joaquin phoenix except the scar is worse. I workout everyday but just started doing that. Assuming in 4 years, I have the physique of world renowed athlete, know 4 languages (Im studying chinese right now as my third after Spanish and English), am a really nice and caring guy, make lots of money for a college student, and attend a top law school (hope to be a lawyer), will any girl ever date me or am I hopeless because of my cleft?

 

Any other advice?

[sloudrou]

I am a college freshman attending at top 30 school (not ivy league but still pretty good) that has cleft lip and palate. My voice is nasally and my lip has a significant scar. Luckily because of the skilled hands of the surgeon my lip does not look different except for the significant scar. I also have a slight hearing loss and I get sick more often. I am a very caring guy. When I approach girls I don't think about if I will be able to sleep with them soon, but is the girl a good match for me. However, I also know that girls want guys that are good looking and with my cleft lip/palate, I am very ugly. The rest of my face is fine. I look a little bit like joaquin phoenix except the scar is worse. I workout everyday but just started doing that. Assuming in 4 years, I have the physique of world renowed athlete, know 4 languages (Im studying chinese right now as my third after Spanish and English), am a really nice and caring guy, make lots of money for a college student, and attend a top law school (hope to be a lawyer), will any girl ever date me or am I hopeless because of my cleft?

 

Any other advice?

 

Now is the time to forget about dating and work on yourself. Put dating and relationships on the back burner and concentrate on your degree and on getting a good job. If a dating opportunity comes along, take it, but don't make it a priority. When you're a little older, everyone's looks will start to fade anyway, but if you're the guy with the good job and the high salary, dating won't be a problem for you.

[Crusoe]

Twenty years ago a lad I was working with fell from the scaffold. It left him paralysed from the neck down and the right side of his face a mass of scars. He has been married for 15 years now.

 

How does a fella like that get a girl? He is the most upbeat, positve minded son of a bitch you will ever meet who doesn't have an ounce of self pity in his body. She adores him for it.

 

It's not his looks, body, job, income or education, it's his attitude and his heart.

 

Yup, you can find yourself a girl.

[crfsti]

Twenty years ago a lad I was working with fell from the scaffold. It left him paralysed from the neck down and the right side of his face a mass of scars. He has been married for 15 years now.

 

How does a fella like that get a girl? He is the most upbeat, positve minded son of a bitch you will ever meet who doesn't have an ounce of self pity in his body. She adores him for it.

 

It's not his looks, body, job, income or education, it's his attitude and his heart.

 

Yup, you can find yourself a girl.

That's a amazing story! Gives us all hope:)

[newguyhere]

I agree. Suddenly I am embarrased to admit my insignificant issues

[Enchanted Girl]

Twenty years ago a lad I was working with fell from the scaffold. It left him paralysed from the neck down and the right side of his face a mass of scars. He has been married for 15 years now.

 

How does a fella like that get a girl? He is the most upbeat, positve minded son of a bitch you will ever meet who doesn't have an ounce of self pity in his body. She adores him for it.

 

It's not his looks, body, job, income or education, it's his attitude and his heart.

 

Yup, you can find yourself a girl.

 

I love that story, it's very sweet.

 

And you don't really have a cleft lip anymore, do you? You said you got surgery, so it's just a scar. Really, no matter how big the scar is, it doesn't sound like that big of deal in my opinion. It will keep away shallow women who can't look past something as silly as a scar on someone's lip and who you wouldn't have a good relationship with anyway and you'll only attract women who you have actual substance in them.

 

Just don't let your scar make you too timid. Put yourself out there and try to be confident. Being shy and insecure makes women sometimes miss you (because they don't notice you) who would otherwise love you.

[rabasujuly0110]

the story is really good ...

 

i liked it ...

 

but i am totally agree with all the terms ....

 

there is some confusion ......

[Ella whispers]

My daughter is currently dealing w/ the swame kind of issue to an extent.

She will be starting her freshman year of college this year and has never had a boyfriend. She worries that she "won't know what to do or how to act". I had her at a very young age and we're very close to anyone who may think this is strange.

 

I'm not really sure how to advise her other than to wait because the right person won't care that she has no experience in that dept. She is very smart (full scholarship) and has always been driven to succeed. She didn't want to end up having her grades slip like her other friends whom weer too concerned w/ the opposite sex to pay attention to her academics.

 

I would advise you the same as I did her.

It's about you and how you see yourself. I have come to realize in my 35 years that looks don't matter so much and the most attractive people to me are the ones that have an inner light not outer beauty.

The right woman will come along for you and when she does she will be lucky to have a caring and sensitive man that loves her.

I hope she will be as desrving you you as you will be for her.

May you never have a broken heart!

[bussie]

There is more to a humanbeing than just looks on the outside, its whats inside that counts. You sound like a good person who knows where they are going. Keep your chin up, as there is the perfect girl, out there for you. Enjoy life, time will tell.

I am a college freshman attending at top 30 school (not ivy league but still pretty good) that has cleft lip and palate. My voice is nasally and my lip has a significant scar. Luckily because of the skilled hands of the surgeon my lip does not look different except for the significant scar. I also have a slight hearing loss and I get sick more often. I am a very caring guy. When I approach girls I don't think about if I will be able to sleep with them soon, but is the girl a good match for me. However, I also know that girls want guys that are good looking and with my cleft lip/palate, I am very ugly. The rest of my face is fine. I look a little bit like joaquin phoenix except the scar is worse. I workout everyday but just started doing that. Assuming in 4 years, I have the physique of world renowed athlete, know 4 languages (Im studying chinese right now as my third after Spanish and English), am a really nice and caring guy, make lots of money for a college student, and attend a top law school (hope to be a lawyer), will any girl ever date me or am I hopeless because of my cleft?

 

Any other advice?

[Green]

I am a college freshman attending at top 30 school (not ivy league but still pretty good) that has cleft lip and palate. My voice is nasally and my lip has a significant scar. Luckily because of the skilled hands of the surgeon my lip does not look different except for the significant scar. I also have a slight hearing loss and I get sick more often. I am a very caring guy. When I approach girls I don't think about if I will be able to sleep with them soon, but is the girl a good match for me. However, I also know that girls want guys that are good looking and with my cleft lip/palate, I am very ugly. The rest of my face is fine. I look a little bit like joaquin phoenix except the scar is worse. I workout everyday but just started doing that. Assuming in 4 years, I have the physique of world renowed athlete, know 4 languages (Im studying chinese right now as my third after Spanish and English), am a really nice and caring guy, make lots of money for a college student, and attend a top law school (hope to be a lawyer), will any girl ever date me or am I hopeless because of my cleft?

 

Any other advice?

 

My advice is don't worry about it. Especialy if you are tall you have nothing to worry about.

 

Go to the gym to be in shape because it feels good... but seriously you don't need to be a body builder.

 

Learning languages can be fun especialy if you plan on traveling to those place... but do it because you want to... don't do it because you think it will impress girls.

 

Same goes for being a lawyer... do it because you want to... not because its a fancy proffession that girls like. Being a Surgeon would be better for that anyways.

 

Just be yourself, ask girls out who catch your eye... flirt... touch ... then don't let the date end with out a kiss.

[Thierro]

I love that story, it's very sweet.

 

And you don't really have a cleft lip anymore, do you? You said you got surgery, so it's just a scar. Really, no matter how big the scar is, it doesn't sound like that big of deal in my opinion. It will keep away shallow women who can't look past something as silly as a scar on someone's lip and who you wouldn't have a good relationship with anyway and you'll only attract women who you have actual substance in them.

 

Just don't let your scar make you too timid. Put yourself out there and try to be confident. Being shy and insecure makes women sometimes miss you (because they don't notice you) who would otherwise love you.

 

Enchanted girl: I've noticed a couple of posts from you here on LS and you seem a very good and sweet person.

 

OP: "It's not his looks, body, job, income or education, it's his attitude and his heart."

 

This is right. Your looks don't matter, not your bank account, the clothes your wear, the car you drive, your accomplishments in law school; it doesn't matter. It is all about attitude and self love.

 

Be the best you can be, settle for nothing and aim for the stars. Be proud of who you are and what you are. You can't complain because there are people in so much worse conditions. Achieve goals for your own good. You are the host of this great party called 'life' and others are just guests. Only you decide who enters your VIP room; the good people that care about your heart and respect you.

 

Looks do not matter. After years together it doesn’t matter how well you look, because looks will be a thing that is pushed aside in time and forgotten and the only thing will matter is a good heart that loves itself and knows how to treat someone good.

 

KNOW that you are a great guy and you will find success.

 

Ever heard of the self fulfilling prophecy? What you think will be:

 

'I am ugly!'= Your body and mind will portrait behavior and a body posture that will indeed make you seem "ugly"

 

'I am not able to do anything! I always screw up'= You will, because you set your mind to it.

 

Have you ever sat on your bike and right in front of you there is this big frog sunbathing on the street. You say to yourself; ‘I don’t want to squash it, I don’t want to squash it!’ You try to avoid it, but damn, you just run it over. Put your mind to positive thoughts. Believe in those positive thoughts. You really need to, because otherwise you will not find a path of strength, self-worth and happiness.

 

I promise that you will get a girlfriend. Know what you want in a girl, what you want in a relationship. Don't settle for the first girl that seems interested. When it is right, it feels right.

Edited July 13, 2010 by Thierro

[classof2014]

Thanks everyone. However, I must also ask even if I get a girlfriend will she be alienated/harassed/suffer emotional harm from others due to the fact that she is dating someone with a facial deformity? I don't want my girlfriend to suffer and am willing to never date/marry if this is likely to occur.

[skydiveaddict]

Thanks everyone. However, I must also ask even if I get a girlfriend will she be alienated/harassed/suffer emotional harm from others due to the fact that she is dating someone with a facial deformity? I don't want my girlfriend to suffer and am willing to never date/marry if this is likely to occur.

 

 

You'll find someone. Dont be so hard on yourself

[Green]

Thanks everyone. However, I must also ask even if I get a girlfriend will she be alienated/harassed/suffer emotional harm from others due to the fact that she is dating someone with a facial deformity? I don't want my girlfriend to suffer and am willing to never date/marry if this is likely to occur.

 

You have a bad attitude about yourself. Don't worry about some hypothetical girls suffering. Seriously I see plenty of people dating what I would consider unattractive. Its about the two people in the relationship... thats it

[Vicious_Delicious]

Check out a book called "Awaken the Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins. Perhaps it will help you as much as it has helped me.

[TouchedByViolet]

Thanks everyone. However, I must also ask even if I get a girlfriend will she be alienated/harassed/suffer emotional harm from others due to the fact that she is dating someone with a facial deformity? I don't want my girlfriend to suffer and am willing to never date/marry if this is likely to occur.

 

If a girl chooses to become your girl friend she has accepted your physical imperfections and is total fine them. I would be more worried about finding someone.

 

At your age and at least into your mid 20s looks matter a lot. How severe is your cleft lip? and can any more cosmetic surgery be done? Can you post a pic?

[florence of suburbia]

I'd listen to all the positive advice and encouragement you've received so far.

 

On a more practical note, you mentioned being worried your voice is too nasal. You might want to consider seeing a speech therapist as there may be habits you can change that will improve the way your voice sounds.