affair, alcohol and genetic factor

[shabookittie]

I know someone that has a problem with binge drinking. She drinks nearly every night and at any given function. Her husband ended up having an affair "I suppose" due to detatching from it all. She was sent an anonymous email about her husband cheating. He didn't come 100% clean about affair...mostly downgraded it and did not admit that he told OW he loved her...and that yes there was sex involved. The affair was physical and emotional.

So she believes this "watered down" version of an affair. She wants to rebuild their marriage and attend rehab...with counseling. What's the chance this will work for her? Her father is a recovering alcoholic. Is it harder for someone "genetically" disposed to quit than someone who isn't? I worry about her. Especially since she has decided to get help but he won't come clean.

Edited July 10, 2010 by shabookittie

[Tayla]

LOL!! Never knew there was a non genetic form of abuse of any substance. Sorry but that seemed a silly sentence. Its like Diabetes, somewhere along the family tree it showed up and got passed along.

 

As to your "friend", her rehab and dedication to her sobriety will open her up to dealing with the truth of her husband. Its between them. She has a 50-50 chance. She either stays sober or she doesnt. SHe either stays married or she doesnt. Its that simple , there is no grey area on those two matters.

 

My wish for her is to find a new way of life that occurs thru recovery. Best to her.

[You Go Girl]

There is definitely a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I have heard that scientists have even discovered the gene that American Indians carry, who are very susceptible.

More than likely though, it is the home life this person grew up in that makes her susceptible, with an alcholic father. Her home life was never normal, probably chaotic, dramatic, and abusive.

You didn't say she was a friend. Are you the OW? Something about the way you worded the question...did you send the email?

[GK71]

There are studies that show that cheating is genetic, much like addiction. I'm back into a relationship with my ex where I cheated on her, all of which was fueled by drinking far too much.

 

Alcoholism and addiction run very deep in my family, as my brother drinks far too much to be healthy, my mother is a recovering alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in 25+ years, and I've kept a job as a bartender for longer than I ever would due to the fact that booze is readily available to me.

 

My only advice I can give you from my personal experiences is that he needs to come 100% clean with everything he's done. Its the only way it can work in the long run. That's what I've done with my missus, and its helped. She still gets worried when I get a text message at 5 in the morning, but the fact that I'm open with her about everything, my drinking, my recreational drug use, my bowel movements, helps a lot. He has to do what I've been working so hard to do, which is regain her trust. Its incredibly difficult, and will definitely cause many tears when they're both coming clean about things, but if they want it to work, its the only way.

 

--GK