What does she want

[ger2004]

ok where do i start? sorry in advance this is long

 

I was going out with my girlfriend for 10 months. We seemed happy together had a lot of upsets because of my moodswings but got on great otherwise.

 

She told me she loved me after 3 months. But i never said it till 2 months later because i wanted to mean it which i did. She said it to me so much all the time i really loved it and i would always say it back.

 

We had a falling out again two sunday's ago. And she said she didn't want to talk to me and needed time apart and to herself. We didn't talk for a week which was agony because before we had talked ever day since we met.

 

I was the one who contacted her because i couldn't wait any more. When i called her she said we had nothing to talk about any more. And to leave her alone.

 

I managed to get her to meet me and talk.

 

She said she was happy the week we were apart because she didn't have to worry about any one but herself and got back going out with her friends one thing i would never let her do. And may I say I know that was a vital mistake. We were always together.

 

Any way she said she didn't want a boyfriend any more and she was very unhappy with things including herself. I got very upset and said i loved her very much she said she doesn't understand what it mean's and said that she is still very immature etc etc.. she is nineteen.

 

When I was driving her back home she got very upset and said she didn't know if she was making the right choice she said she know's it's what she want's now but is affraid she will feel different a few weeks down the road. She asked me to give her more time. I said no i want an answer now. She said she could never get back with me because she told me she wasn't sure if she loved me and that i would never be happy with her because i would always think she only got back with me because she didn't want to hurt me.

 

So we said our goodbyes "two of us crying our eyes out" and I said please i think we should never contact each other again it would be too hard. She said when she was getting out of the car I'm really really sorry for hurting you. And that was it.

 

I was at home a half an hour really really upset when the phone rang. It was my girlfriend she said " i miss you already" I couldn't beleive it, half an hour.

 

She said can i thrust you not to hurt me any more and i promised her i would get help about my mood swings and we would see less of each other and i wanted her to start seeing her friends more. She said ok but she wanted to take things slowly, just not be so serious, like we where starting from the begining and just have fun together i said ok. So she said do you want to do something tonight. We went for dinner and got on great.

 

The next three day's where fine we were getting on brilliant and she was very cheery,we talked all day in work on the phone and she said we need to book our holiday really soon. I thought this is great.

 

Last night was the third night we were back together and we were getting on great. But there was something playing in the back of my mind although it was great it didn't feel the same that she wasn't telling me she loved me because she used to say it all the time.

 

She knew i was a bit upset about something and i told her it didn't feel the same any more because of the way I feel about her and i can't tell her any more. I said that the things she said to me on the sunday three day's ago were playing on my mind and i felt weird around her. I said how can a serious relationship just turn not serious. She start getting very upset and said "i don't need this pressure." "I blame myself i was the one who made it so serious but i don't want it like this" "i told you" "i just want us to have fun" "take things slow".

 

I said how can you expect me to go back to the begining when i feel the way i do. She said i don't, "i'm sorry but we are just not going to get on" your not happy with this and I'm not happy with the way my life is going. I just don't want to be with any one, i dont want any one around me. I don't want to hold you back from something better. I am so unhappy with myself and everything. I'm sorry for hurting you but we are only torchoring ourselves we will never work. I got really upset and said ok. She said i can't handle upsetting you i don't want to upset you this is so much pressure. We said good bye and that was it.

 

I sent her a message today and said i hope you are ok after last night. She didn't reply.

 

What am i to do. Do i keep trying or do i start to get over her. I know that will be the hardest thing in the world because i love her so much and she is my whole world. What do I do.

[princess75]

How old are you? It seems there is an age difference between you and her. Or if not, you are trying to hard to be with her without checking how your life is going. It is like this, she is just 19, she wants to explore the World, and be able to choose from friends, work and including a bf (be it you or someone else) I suggest you focus on your life 1st and take things slowly with her. Be her friend, after all if in the end you are going to be together...what is the hastle? Just be happy on your own, with her and in life! Good luck!

[xalysabethh]

also just a quick thought : after you break up its generally hard to go right back into it. i had the same problelm when i was 19 i had this boyfriend we had broken up we got back together and he expected everythign to be the same and i wasnt ready to jump right back into such a serious situatin etc. so he broke up with me . now were best friends and have been for some years he says its his biggest regret is not giving our relationhsip time to mature back to that point.

xalsyabeth

[msu_party_girl]

I have been through similar situations, I am 24 and just broke up with my fiance of 3 years (we were together 3 years) First of all, it sounds like she needs time. I know its hard to just do that, because one day feels like 50 when you love someone, but it will take time. I wish it didn't either.

 

Secondly, like my ex-fiance said, there is always something better out there for you. You will move on and find something better. Well, that may or may not be the case. That again comes down to time...you need to just give it time. With the whole situation of not speaking anymore because it will hurt too bad. That is a good idea for now, but it may be a lot easier in the future when it doesn't hurt as bad. You may turn out just to be friends, maybe things will work out. Only time will tell.

 

Either way, it sounds like the both of you just moved a little too fast, and jumped into a relationship. I have no doubt you love each other. But relationships take time to build....it will get easier with time.

 

I don't know if this makes any sense to you...i tried to speak as clearly as possible. If you have any questions...please ask. The bottom line though is that it will just take some time to see things more clearly...and see if there is really something there to hold on to. Secondly, if it doesn't work out, think of it this way, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. My college professor once told me "there are hundreds of people out there that one certain person can fall in love with." He didn't believe in fate. I used to...but now I am kind of skeptical. I don't know what I believe. But I do think that things work out the best at the end.

[AMN819]

First off, you need to realize YOU are making things 10 times harder than it needs to be. I KNOW space SUX. But, you need it sometimes. She is NINETEEN..that is VERY young. If she doesn't live NOW, she is gonna wanna do it in 10 years when you are married with two kids and she decides she wants a divorce..( I have seen this MANY times). Don't lose contact with her, but don't make things SO serious. If you wanna tell her you love her...DO IT...never hold that back or you are letting the moment (and your life) pass you by (got that from My best friends wedding). Just don't SMOTHER her. If she sees that you LET her go out with her friends and be young, there is a 50% BETTER chance it could work b/t U2!. I know it's hard to give her the opportunity to meet other people and to be young..My Ex controlled me SO much..and it MADE me meet other people when I was lying and out when I shouldn't have been. It was my way of proving that I was allowed to do what I wanted....Remember..as corny as it sounds..if it's meant to be, it WILL be...GOOD LUCK!

[msu_party_girl]

if you don't mind me asking, did he cheat on you? or was it just problems that made you two go your separate ways for acouple months?

[Morrigan]

You both need a breather, time away from eachother. I think you both have unresolved feelings for eachother, but I just think that getting back together at this point in time would cause more disaster and more hurt feelings.

 

You guys are young. As you said about your ex "she is still very immature etc. etc. . . she is nineteen." I think, like what others have said, that you just rushed into things too fast. I really feel that time is a good measure of love, and I think you both expected too much of the other. Focus on your life, your interests, realize that love often takes time to develop--not the "love at first sight" bull--and that often, we have feelings for someone that may never be fully reciprocated. You might have wanted to be with someone, to care for them, but they don't feel the same way. It's unfair to pressure or force someone to love you, let alone date you.

 

She's made her decision at this time, I think that if you really care for her, you will honor her wishes and not keep pursuing her for now. I know how bad it feels to lose someone that means a lot to you. But you can't be a fair, mature and responsible adult if you won't allow a person you care for the right to have their own will.

[ger2004]

Well thanks everyone for all the advise. she contacted me on the 13th the day before v day. We talked but she only wanted to be friends. I didn't ask her what was going to happen about us. She told me she is very sick depressed at the moment and is seeing a councilor. We went out as friends last night (v day) and nothing happened. She said it was great to have someone to talk to about problems. But i'm feeling sad is she ever going to be my girlfriend again i love her so much and it hurts me not being close to her.