26 yrs old and living as a hermit. how to change

[sdsdsd]

Hi

 

I'm 26. All I have going for me is that I have a fairly well paid job.. Yeah I know during these times I should count my blessings, but I have no friends, no social life, no hobbies nothing. I work pretty much alone and do have a lot of free time that I pretty much fill with watching tv.

 

I feel like I'm just wasting my life, living like a hermit.

 

I'm not good with people at all, can't hold a decent conversation. I say the basic pleasantries and then that’s it I stand there quiet. When it comes to women I have no confidence, just don't know what to say so in the rare times that I do have the chance to talk to a girl, I simply stand there quiet. However, on the rare occasions I have spoken to girls properly I have got them laughing a lot.

 

Some health problems mean I can't join sports teams or join a gym. It also means I’m very short. These 2 are major cause of my social problems too, leaving me with very low self esteem.

 

Like I said, I have no friends left in my city. Amongst work colleagues I’ve spent years building up a persona of “I don’t need friends/gf” “I’m happy being alone”. Even with these people I sit quiet, I have no banter.

 

Also, for about the last 18 months I have been chatting with a girl online very often (hours as a time online and on phone), met her a few times and I know really that she's not interested but as she is pretty much the only girl I talk to I've got it into my head that she really is the one...We get on really well and make each other laugh loads. Though I’m sure she only talks to me when she has nothing else on rather than seeking me out to talk to. Yet I can't meet any other girls to get over her as, as described above, I got no social life.

 

Can anyone give me any advice on what to do to get out there.. where to start?

 

 

I’m now considering some kind of counselling, but am not sure what kind would be helpful to me. Also, is going to a councillor found on google safe?

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to read all this!

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Hi

 

I'm 26. All I have going for me is that I have a fairly well paid job.. Yeah I know during these times I should count my blessings, but I have no friends, no social life, no hobbies nothing. I work pretty much alone and do have a lot of free time that I pretty much fill with watching tv.

 

I feel like I'm just wasting my life, living like a hermit.

 

I'm not good with people at all, can't hold a decent conversation. I say the basic pleasantries and then that’s it I stand there quiet. When it comes to women I have no confidence, just don't know what to say so in the rare times that I do have the chance to talk to a girl, I simply stand there quiet. However, on the rare occasions I have spoken to girls properly I have got them laughing a lot.

 

Some health problems mean I can't join sports teams or join a gym. It also means I’m very short. These 2 are major cause of my social problems too, leaving me with very low self esteem.

 

Like I said, I have no friends left in my city. Amongst work colleagues I’ve spent years building up a persona of “I don’t need friends/gf” “I’m happy being alone”. Even with these people I sit quiet, I have no banter.

 

Also, for about the last 18 months I have been chatting with a girl online very often (hours as a time online and on phone), met her a few times and I know really that she's not interested but as she is pretty much the only girl I talk to I've got it into my head that she really is the one...We get on really well and make each other laugh loads. Though I’m sure she only talks to me when she has nothing else on rather than seeking me out to talk to. Yet I can't meet any other girls to get over her as, as described above, I got no social life.

 

Can anyone give me any advice on what to do to get out there.. where to start?

 

 

I’m now considering some kind of counselling, but am not sure what kind would be helpful to me. Also, is going to a councillor found on google safe?

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to read all this!

 

Why do you discount that girl so much? maybe she really dose like you! I think 98% of your problems stem from quite low self esteem? until you work on that making even friends will be near impossible.

 

Cause just like that girl you will always be second guessing their friendships I don't see any prob with going to a councilor you found on Google it is after all just a modern yellow pages.

[sdsdsd]

Why do you discount that girl so much? maybe she really dose like you! I think 98% of your problems stem from quite low self esteem? until you work on that making even friends will be near impossible.

 

Cause just like that girl you will always be second guessing their friendships I don't see any prob with going to a councilor you found on Google it is after all just a modern yellow pages.

 

Hey thanks for the quick reply!

 

Well She did actually tell me about 3 months into us chatting that I wasn't her type, so really it's my own fault. But the last 6 months we have spoken so much, so regular pretty much every day in some form which makes me think there is maybe a little bit of hope.

The few times I met her though I didn't even have the guts to even hug her (I don't hug people often at all).. It makes me so sad that someone I think so highly of, who I have spoken to more than anyone else in my life, I've never even hugged. I mean from my view we are very very close friends (whether she also thinks this I don't know.)

[jstalltxga]

You may be agoraphobic? or social anxiety? I have had some tendencies from time to time, but I think counseling is the best option for you. Keep this girl around. If you don't feel comfortable with her on an intimate level, keep her as a friend. I have had tricky times with women, but mostly they just want guys to shut up and listen to what they have to say. you need to add some stuff once in a while, but as long as you are giving them positive (but not threatening, as in being too forward) attention, they usually respond well. start off with just being friendly. It's sort of something you need to work your way up to, being comfortable with talking to women like they are normal human beings is hard at first, but you can do it.

I was like like the way your talking about when I was younger, my heart goes out to you. but Ya definitely go to get counseling.

 

another thing to keep in mind about basic conversation is that it's mostly BS, small talk and banter is the majority of conversations. It is actually very ok to be quiet with people, as long as you are willing to listen. people like to talk and be heard. the more you work on it, the more you can be comfortable talking in kind.

Edited July 17, 2010 by jstalltxga