Men Adopting Female Behaviours

[mem11363]

This is not a thread about how unmarried women respond to unmarried men. This is an accurate depiction of how most women respond to men.

 

Benefits of this thread for married men are big. These traits are VERY COMMON in the males in low sex/no sex relationships. Specifically from reading those threads I have observed:

 

Over-emotionalism - VERY COMMON

Whining. - VERY COMMON

A lack of initiative. - COMMON

Irrational thinking. - ALMOST UNIVERSAL (when told contradictory things they don't apply calm, cold logic to their partners dishonest statements)

Mirroring. - Don't know

Next in a bitchy rather than shoulder shrugging way. - Don't know

Victim attitude. - ALMOST UNIVERSAL

Disney princess expectations. - Rare

Can't stand fat women but wants to be accepted for all of their flaws. - Rare

Wants to be taken care of and protected. - Not sure

AND worst of all:

Passivity. - COMMON

 

Worse than "simple" lovebusters, most wives are hesitant to tell their partners to be more aggressive/man up - etc. for fear of getting the same angry/defensive responses that this thread has elicited.....

 

 

 

Aren't half the people in here married? If so, why are threads like this being started?

 

It just seems like nothing good is coming out of this. Then again, nothing good comes out of most threads.

 

 

Why not enjoy time with the spouse and kids instead?

[bac]

I'll break it down for you, including the stoicism:

• Over-emotionalism.
  
• Whining.
  
• A lack of initiative.
  
• Irrational thinking.
  
• Mirroring.
  
• Next in a bitchy rather than shoulder shrugging way.
  
• Victim attitude.
  
• Disney princess expectations.
  
• Can't stand fat women but wants to be accepted for all of their flaws.
  
• Wants to be taken care of and protected.
  

AND worst of all:

• Passivity.
  

 

 

As for me I did not see the behaviors IRL while I have been doing casual dating. But, reading LS might gives an impression that the behaviors might exist IRL.

Perhaps these behaviors exist in SERIOUS LTRs which I did not have enough to

have an opinion about the topic.

 

In fact, CASUAL DATING IRL gives me the opposite idea about men.

 

For example, IMO, men lack emotions a lot and I would love them to be more emotional,

 

they never whin, but I would love them to be more open and personal,

 

men want to take all the initiative to dominate me, but I want to do something for myself as well, not only to please them,

 

they never do mirrowing, instead they want me to mirror them. I would prefer them to be flexible and match me at least 50/50.

 

no one complained that I victimized him, no one was too bitchy. I would prefer to know the unpleasant truth if I hurt his feelings, so I could avoid hurt another guy in the future.

 

a few guys complained that I did not have extra-pounds,

 

I was never asked to take care for any guy, and no man asked for my protection. I would love to take care and protect a guy sometimes, but not every day:)

 

all my men took the whole initiative at least at the begining.

 

As for irrational thinking, IMO, both genders are equally irrational when it comes to dating.

[gamma1]

Are you familiar with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? It deals with the negative core beliefs people have about themselves. When someone says something negative about you, you react strongly and they say "ha! The truth hurts.." the chances are that it's less a case of the truth hurting, more likely, that they've tapped into a negative core belief you have about yourself that you've maybe had ever since you can remember. A belief that might owe more to your own negative thinking than to actual facts. I think it takes a lot of focus and practice to get out of the habit of reverting to those unhelpful core beliefs.

 

So you look at a list of negative human traits and you think "I'm just about all - if not 100% all - of those things." You react, other people note the reaction and tell you it's because the truth hurts...and the core belief takes even deeper root every time it happens.

 

Having strong emotions isn't a bad thing. I'm very emotional, and to be honest - I love it. Not always, when I'm being emotional in response to a hard situation....but if I'm listening to a piece of music or watching a film that makes me cry, I'm pretty much in my element. I would feel bad for anyone, male or female, who couldn't have that experience. The Nice Guy I mentioned earlier was very lacking in emotion. That was probably one of the reasons he put on such a show (in the early stages at least) of being empathic. A cover up for what was lacking within.

 

I felt sorry for him when we had our break up talk and he disclosed the lack of ability to feel much of anything deep down. Something that had plagued him for his whole life. However, I also felt sorry for myself. The downside of being emotional is that the emotions can strike you inappropriate situations - and at that point in my life (I moved to London soon after the split) they started to strike me anywhere and everywhere. I'd be sitting on public transport, and suddenly tears would start rolling. Total strangers would be patting me on my arm and asking if I was okay.

 

I was a mess, and I realised I was going to have to start getting a grip over my emotions. For a long time, I went overboard with trying to stop myself having any emotions at all, but eventually I learned a balance. Lacking emotion isn't a strength. Having, but controlling emotions is a strength - whether you're male or female. I think when TBF mentions emotional men on her list, she's probably referring to people not having any control over their emotions and being completely dictated to by those emotions - whether sadness, anger, disgust, hatred or an emotional need for someone/something.

I'm at least somewhat familiar with it. When someone negative says something about me I will all too often say "the truth hurts". It's sometimes hard to tell the difference bewteen negative core beliefs and the truth and in my experience the longer I've held a negative core belief, the harder it is to change it.

 

I used to get told all the time that I'd never succeed at dating and finding love. Here I am in my late 30s many years later and what people said years ago seems to be largely true. Is it negative core beliefs or is it the truth that I'm so inept at dating? I'll often know what to do on paper, but when the actual phone call or date comes, I panic and fail miserably almost like clockwork.

 

I used to be not too good at controlling my emotions, but recently I've gotten better. I've said a number of thing I wish I could take back, but once you say something it's often too late. I still lose control once in awhile, but the older I get, the better I get at controlling emotions.

 

I'm left wondering how much of it is real and how much is inside me.

[mem11363]

For me there are two layers to this. The first is the true "internal" how do I actually feel layer. And the second is how do I externally present those feelings.

 

The factors that most reduce my negative feelings of anxiety, fear etc. are:

- Sleep

- Diet

- Exercise

- Inspirational stuff I read/see on tv etc (for real that helps me)

 

Those 4 activities create an emotional "wetsuit" that insulates me reacting to anything other than major stuff.

 

The factors that most reduce how I externalize anything are:

- Preparation for a situation

- Self talk (sometimes someone asks you something that seems mean or harsh or wrong - but if you ask them a good question you realize it wasn't intended that way at all)

 

 

I'm at least somewhat familiar with it. When someone negative says something about me I will all too often say "the truth hurts". It's sometimes hard to tell the difference bewteen negative core beliefs and the truth and in my experience the longer I've held a negative core belief, the harder it is to change it.

 

I used to get told all the time that I'd never succeed at dating and finding love. Here I am in my late 30s many years later and what people said years ago seems to be largely true. Is it negative core beliefs or is it the truth that I'm so inept at dating? I'll often know what to do on paper, but when the actual phone call or date comes, I panic and fail miserably almost like clockwork.

 

I used to be not too good at controlling my emotions, but recently I've gotten better. I've said a number of thing I wish I could take back, but once you say something it's often too late. I still lose control once in awhile, but the older I get, the better I get at controlling emotions.

 

I'm left wondering how much of it is real and how much is inside me.

[threebyfate]

One more for the list:

• Over-emotionalism.
  
• Whining.
  
• A lack of initiative.
  
• Irrational thinking.
  
• Mirroring.
  
• Next in a bitchy rather than shoulder shrugging way.
  
• Victim attitude.
  
• Disney princess expectations.
  
• Can't stand fat women but wants to be accepted for all of their flaws.
  
• Wants to be taken care of and protected.
  
• Passivity.
  
• Cattiness due to envy and jealousy
  

[MeganDoll]

I hate Men who show emotion and a sensitive soft side i want a alpha badass Man not a women!!!

 

I want a Man who can take me out of nowhere pick me up and ravage me in the bedroom in a agressive way

 

I cant envision a little soft sensitive showing his emotions man doing that to me i can envison him just wanting to make soft love and cuddle:sick:

[Woggle]

I hate Men who show emotion and a sensitive soft side i want a alpha badass Man not a women!!!

 

I want a Man who can take me out of nowhere pick me up and ravage me in the bedroom in a agressive way

 

I cant envision a little soft sensitive showing his emotions man doing that to me i can envison him just wanting to make soft love and cuddle:sick:

 

As long as you can play your role. I hate women who show strength and aggression. I want a woman who can cater to me and always treat me like the king and I just can't picture a strong woman doing that.

[SteveC80]

Most of these rappers are softies in real life as well. Many of them are actually getting extorted by real gangsters. Real gangsters are usually nerdy looking types who fly under the radar.

 

Its "image" women go for more then anyhting esle

 

These bad boy or confidence or thug terms are just words women dont know the real meaning of they just go for the marketable image of these terms

[Untouchable_Fire]

One more for the list:

• Over-emotionalism.
  
• Whining.
  
• A lack of initiative.
  
• Irrational thinking.
  
• Mirroring.
  
• Next in a bitchy rather than shoulder shrugging way.
  
• Victim attitude.
  
• Disney princess expectations.
  
• Can't stand fat women but wants to be accepted for all of their flaws.
  
• Wants to be taken care of and protected.
  
• Passivity.
  
• Cattiness due to envy and jealousy
  

 

Mirroring? What is that supposed to mean?

 

I think you should pick 1 poster to represent each annoyance.

 

Otherwise your list is lacking anything that can be quantified.

[Tony]

If members can't keep the racist remarks out of this thread, we'll just shut it down. Posts with racist components have been deleted. Thanks for your help!

[threebyfate]

Mirroring? What is that supposed to mean?

Women have mirrored men they've been involved with for centuries, where if a man likes a certain hobby, some women give up their own interests to align with their man's interests. The PUA community has been recommending this technique to men, but only on a superficial basis. Some "nice guys" also do this, giving up their interests to accommodate women and not having their own lives.

 

I think you should pick 1 poster to represent each annoyance.

 

Otherwise your list is lacking anything that can be quantified.

What if some represent most of the list?

 

And anyways, that's against the rules. Can't...must...not...

[PJKino]

This is no fun,i wanna know what flaws we are allowed that women arent:laugh:

 

This thread should be renamed women can be highly flawed and pain in the asses Men cannot

[jamesum]

Yeah, I hate women who wear pants and have a job, too.

 

Anyway, this is like the most sexist thread ever.

[paddington bear]

From reading the original post I was going to say that 'men adopting female behaviours' in specific with regard to PUA's would be that both sexes are now adopting step-by-step game playing behaviour. And why are both sexes doing that? Because the whole interaction between male and female humans has altered so much since the invention of the pill that no one is quite sure what exactly they should be doing and how they should behave. It is easier to have casual sex, but increasingly harder to have relationships.

 

While by no means perfect, if you look back to say the 1950's stereotype you see in old tv shows:Young man calls girl for date. Girl says yes. Dad gets a bit stern with the young man because he wants a guy who will respect his daughter, not sleep with her and leave her pregnant. Young guy drives to somewhere with the girl and they make out. Girl tries to ward off him getting too fresh. Guy knows that if he wants to go any further he will have to commit and marry her. Thus if girl does get pregnant, there is a dad there, there is a couple, there is a marriage.

 

Obviously there were many, many flaws with this - people being trapped into loveless marriages etc. However, my main point is that each sex knew where they stood in terms of how dating/relationships/sex worked. People worked within the societal rules, there was a clear and ideal map there to work within.

 

Having no rules at all, I think anyway, has many of us totally lost and lonely. And I can honestly say I feel sorry for men now. I think it is one of the toughest periods in history for the human male, and I predict that at some point there will be some kind of a shift and men will reclaim the right to be men and to hell with us women and our expectations of them.

 

If there was some kind of world-wide disaster and contraceptive methods as we know it were no longer available, you can be damn sure that we would be back to where we were a few centuries ago very quickly.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Women have mirrored men they've been involved with for centuries, where if a man likes a certain hobby, some women give up their own interests to align with their man's interests. The PUA community has been recommending this technique to men, but only on a superficial basis. Some "nice guys" also do this, giving up their interests to accommodate women and not having their own lives.

 

Haha... I'm passionate about what I do, so I won't give those things up. Some guys don't do things like that, I'm not sure that is always a bad thing. I don't think that needs to be on your list. Replace it with "Men who are overly sensitive about thread topics".

 

What if some represent most of the list?

And anyways, that's against the rules. Can't...must...not...

 

Oh... I forgot about the rules... I suppose that is a man trait too.

[MrNate]

Yeah, I hate women who wear pants and have a job, too.

 

Anyway, this is like the most sexist thread ever.

 

haha. yeah it's pretty pointless in my opinion. You know things are getting bad in this world when it comes down to people displaying certain traits and aligning those with masculine and feminine traits.

 

I think this is why the field of romance is more confusing/hectic now than ever. Too often people points out what's wrong, but that's not enough to highlight/reveal what's right.

 

But I digress.

[Untouchable_Fire]

haha. yeah it's pretty pointless in my opinion. You know things are getting bad in this world when it comes down to people displaying certain traits and aligning those with masculine and feminine traits.

I think this is why the field of romance is more confusing/hectic now than ever. Too often people points out what's wrong, but that's not enough to highlight/reveal what's right.

But I digress.

 

I don't see removing gender roles as a good thing for society. After how many years of evolution... you want to create an artificial situation.

 

I honestly think birth control is going to completely destroy any hope of natural selection. I guess we have committed ourselves to a new system... "survival of the least responsible."

[MrNate]

I don't see removing gender roles as a good thing for society. After how many years of evolution... you want to create an artificial situation.

 

I honestly think birth control is going to completely destroy any hope of natural selection. I guess we have committed ourselves to a new system... "survival of the least responsible."

 

I agree with this about the gender roles.

 

Your second part was interesting as well, lol.