Commitment Phobia

[Shiner]

Hiya,

 

Having just come out of a relationship, which was on/off for the past 3 months, I've been looking at myself and the issues that have arisen.

 

One of the things that I've read a little bit about is commitment phobia. I never thought of it as serious 'condition' until recently.

 

A couple of months ago, after much toing and froing, I pulled out of signing a lease with my then partner. Although there were, in my opinion, legitimate reasons for not going ahead with the lease, the fall out from the whole thing had me wondering.

 

I was reading a website, about something completely different, and stumbled on a list of symptoms of commitment phobia and so many of those things rung true with me. Not just with regards to this particular incident, but many things that had gone before.

 

I've already booked an appointment for tomorrow to see a therapist about this and a few other things.

 

I just wondered if anyone had any experiences, from either side of the relationship, or had any advice to offer?

 

Any guidance/advice would be appreciated.

[You'reasian]

You have the right to not commit to a relationship, especially if it is going to be impossible to manage due to reasons beyond your control.

 

You have the right to not commit to a relationship if the person you are dating does not wish to be in a committed relationship or through actions shows that they may not be ready for a committed relationship.

[Eve]

What did the list say?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Ruby Slippers]

I've already booked an appointment for tomorrow to see a therapist about this and a few other things.

 

I just wondered if anyone had any experiences, from either side of the relationship, or had any advice to offer?

 

Any guidance/advice would be appreciated.

Hey, good for you! It takes courage to see a therapist about any issue like this. For taking the more difficult but healthier path, rather than the easy way of flitting from woman to woman and wasting their time and hurting them, you have my respect.

 

I ended a relationship with a textbook commitment phobe almost 2 years ago, and I am STILL struggling with feelings of hurt, anger, disgust, and sadness. And I'm usually a very resilient person!

 

At the end of our relationship, he said he knew he needed to talk to someone about this pattern, and he said he would do that and whatever it took to keep us strong. But when the time came, he chickened out.

 

If you can go through with it and take the counseling to heart, I think you'll be a lot better off in the long run. Good luck.