Sending a card or not !?!

[monkey]

Hurting, your right, i do get a little high when i resist the temptation.

Mandrews & Lost, what you both have said about her expecting something, wether she wants it or not, but not getting may change her thought process.

 

My s/o is probably expecting a dozen red roses brought to her door by 2 hovering cupids, because this is what i do &i bought her a nice xmas gift.

Goldfinger Cymru sent me a copy of "HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK" & it mentions the push & pull process, whereas i push her she pulls away & vica versa, human nature, as well as animal. It all seems well thought out stuff & is supposed to work, i'm trying it but it says date 3 other girls before you see your ex again, can't face doing that.

 

It's that fine line again of no contact & how she'll perceive it, as i'm forgetting & moving on, which is obviously not the case.

It could be a bad move if she is glad she got nothing.

[sinkerswim]

Hey Monkey

I know this is is sort of out of date. But I wanted to reply anyway.

I sent one to my boyfriend and it was simple.

On the outside it said

"Only you know the real me"

and on the inside it said

"Be my valentine anyway?"

It was cute and so true.

After all, we arent broken up. He just doesnt know yet.

So..I sent it. I felt no harm in sending it.

I also put a scratch off lottery ticket in it.

[mandrews1119]

Love your attitude!! I don't think my ex knows yet either!

[monkey]

I send my weekly email as she says, i do it so she knows i am there for her & to keep in touch.

She believes i will mail more,as in my past, but i don't. She doesn't reply.

 

She wants space, i miss her so, can't there be a happy medium!.

This girl that we shared so much together, does she know the pain i go through day to day. But she doesn't want to hurt me!!.

 

Is it good to say your there for them & they will always be in your heart?, i told her that one day i hope she will like the love i can give her. I feel i never will be able to get over this if it don't work out.

All my confidence has gone & trust in people. Yes i may meet someone again & fall in love, but i'll always be scared of becoming too close, i have been hurt in the past, but this meant more & hurts more. Showing an attitude to not giving up mabe shows your loyalty & that she can remember the good times! I'm no psycho stalker & she knows that, i'm just a loyal sensitive caring person that loves & misses someone, thats all.

 

I have never broken with someone, because i am resilient & always try & make it work, unless we both agree & are happy with it!

[lost_in_chgo]

Stop emailing her.

 

She knows everything your are going to say.

 

Stop and see if maybe she misses it.

You are more than likely digging a deeper hole for yourself.

[caretoomuch]

Monkey,

 

read the thread on 'reasons for silence' - it looks at why we get no replies from e-mails etc .....

 

i agree with lost - stop sending the regular weekly e-mails and see what happens - she wont forget you so dont worry that she will. maybe go a month and then send one. it is hard to do but maybe it will help answer some questions as posed in the above mentioned thread.

 

cheers

[dario]

Monkey, right now you're living without her. She's living without you. She's not contacting you...I mean, hells bells, what does that say? Yeah, I say give it a month with no emails. Walk outside and take another look at this world and what it has to offer you. This will kill you, man. I remember heaps of good memories with my ex....moments when she was so infatuated (etc) with me and I was so wrapped in her (still am but what can I do?). They're memories...and, hey, they become painful...but what can you do? You want to annoy this girl to smithereens - do that, man. Just go ahead. But here's a piece of advice - I kinda did this once with a girl and she lapped up all the attnetion. But into the 2nd chance I started to realise, 'Hell, I just lost my dignity for this?' You want her to respect you - you want her to think you're a man? Back off.

[dario]

Hey caretoomuch - GO SYDNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[caretoomuch]

Hey dario how is it going ???

 

The situation with monkey fascinates me. As time goes by i have noticed most people on these threads progressing in their healing. Breaking up is a natural part of life, painful, but natural. But monkey seems to have not progressed at all.

 

Monkey - what has your ex actually said that gives you hope - real words and not just the notion that noone knows the future. From what i can see she has said that one day she will talk with you again. but at the moment she doesnt trust you and your emotions - she is trying to minimise the pain for both her and you by no contact from her. One day when she is comfortable she will talk with you (probably as a friend and respect for what you both ONCE had), but not in an attempt to reconcile. Talking one day does not mean she loves you ... i am talking with you and i dont love you.

 

Please sit and list the actual words she has said to and look at them and ask yourself what gives me hope from these words that she is going to come back in love.

 

she has made her decision now you must respect it - you cannot make someone love you but you can sure annoy them enough so they hate you.

 

sorry but sometimes sh#t happens and it is noones fault - but it still happens. sadness and regret but life.

[monkey]

When i was ill, with panic attacks, these that she still seems to think i meant to have!, she wrote me a letter saying that i'm welcome to visit her anytime & that she was there for me & by her side, that we will see what this day brings.

 

Its the fact she feels i did this on purpose, she realy does!, because when i say it wasn't my fault, she relies"it wasn't mine either" implying i did it on purpose!

 

My trust & confidence has been shot. She hasn't had lots of guys, she is very un western & likes to be alone & likes people for what they are, not what they can give her!

 

People don't split because they love, but they reconcile when before, all hope was gone! This is why there's a difference between spliting up & getting back!

 

I do want her to respect me, for going through all these lyes & deceit & taking all this punishment, what does she expect my reaction to be after all this. I get attached & can't help this. I have lived a nightmare of stress since November & i try to do my things & find it very hard to think someone with her attitude that attracted me initially, could do this & live with herself.

 

True, i haven't progressed, abscence has made my heart grow fonder & i hurt more now than ever, not because of whats happened, but the way it's happening, the childishness & that she's poisoned 1 friend of mine againsed me. Can she think to herself, when she lyes in bed at night, that she feels ok by it all. I couldn't, i gave up so much because i love her, this is it for me!

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

judging by this then monkey you clearly deserve someone better than the likes of her

 

this fact alone justifies you staying away from her and quitting all communication

 

she is bad for you now so try and forget about her

 

although if you continue to let her depress you you will not be able to forget about her

 

there isn't really any more we loveshackers can really say to you now

 

its over to you now!

[monkey]

Sometimes i get angry & think she can take a jump, other times i cry my eyes out & think of what she's doing at this moment, today was one of them. So i hope people can be there on these moments!, life just seems so depressing withouit her!

The truth is, i don't want to forget her, ever, i love her & am waiting for her.

I just don't get this at all. She says she wants to see me, just not now, so that may be next month. & i certainly can't think of anyone else, if i saw another girl, surely it would be not nice for her & i' be on the rebound, because yes, female company would be nice, but i love someone else!

How can i get on with it, getting on with it is doing what we planned, i have nothing here now, i finished everything here, to be with her!

[lost_in_chgo]

She says she wants to see me, just not now

 

So take her at her word on this.

Leave her be.

 

Wait for a call.

Stop emailing.

[monkey]

I will take her at her word, as i have in the past & reminded her of this.

I don't mail her, i don't push, i just do as she said & thats 1 a week, but your right, mabe i should stop that, her plan!

But then we may lose contact & i don't want that, even if it is my contact, but it was her idea, her words are so mixed, but she won't admit to this & there's no way of talking about it. SO frustrating!

[lost_in_chgo]

You are grasping at the 1 a week thing.

She more than likely told you that to be polite or supportive.

 

In any case, if you are anything in your emails like you are on these forums, she is never coming back. You are not improving, except for maybe being a bit less frantic. You have a way to go before you get to the point you think you are at. At little less focusing on your immediate needs would be a good place to start.

 

She's waiting for you to settle down or maybe to mature a little.

[monkey]

Thanks

time & valium are helping me chill, but i don't give up!

[lilvoyce7321]

Look your X girlfiend was trying to be polite during the breakup. In reality she really wishes you would leave her alone. She is not interested in you anymore. You are acting like a psyco when you continue to contact her. The only thing you are doing is making her life hell when you contact her, email her, or write her. If you truly love her then leave her alone.

 

You sound like a stalker and I am suprised she puts up with that. I would have filed charges against you by now. I would have filed charges not to make you mad but rather to protect my own safety. When it is over...it is over. You do not respect her if you are still trying to contact her. She does not want you back. If she did at one time she doesn't now with all of the wierd contacting you have done. Get a therapist please.

 

You are making this girls life a living hell. Trust me. I moved 4 states away to get rid of a stalking boyfriend. My biggest mistake was not being firm with my breakup. With some guys you can not be nice. YOu need to tell them it is over and walk away. Evidently she was trying to be nice to you and now she is paying for it.

 

I was 8 months into my marriage and the x was still calling me. He would have several conversations with my husband telling him that when we get our divorce he would be there to pick up the pieces. GEEZ he made my life hell. He even showed up at my wedding 4 states away! I did not need that stress.

 

Thankfully I have been married for ten years now and he will have to wait an awful long time to ever think of picking up any of my pieces. I do not regret breaking up with him at all. Why did we break up?

 

He was a very nice guy, but he was to possesive and kepts spying on me when we weren't together. He would not let me go with my friends or even my own mother for pete's sake without spying on me or calling me, or checking up one me. I couldn't even go to church without having being checked on. Did I ever cheat on him?? No way! It was all in his head. It got worse and worse and worse. he became obssesed and then pushed me so far away I was in fear for my life.

 

I am ten years older and wiser now!!! If I had to do it over again, I would have not been pleasant to him. I have the right to break up and live my own life without fear of reprocussion from NO MAN. I left my hometown, my friends, my family, everything because of this man stalking me. No woman has the right to be stalked not even your ex girlfriend. Evidently you have this poor girl scared to death. One day she will wake up and have you put behind bars if she is smart.

 

If you ever loved her at all you will back off!!!! Unfortunately guys like you have hard heads and won't be happy until she is popping anti-depressants, sleeping pills, and sleeping with a baseball bat by her side. What a shame.

You wont be happy until the last little bit of joy is taken from her will you? I feel sorry for her.

 

-lilvoyce

[hurtingandconfused]

Unfortunately guys like you have hard heads and won't be happy until she is popping anti-depressants, sleeping pills, and sleeping with a baseball bat by her side.

 

Actually I would have been a lot better if my ex told me that she never wanted to see or hear from me again. People who try to break up with their s/o in a "nice" way cause more harm than good.

[dario]

Bound by regret...bound by some imagined possibility of reconcilliation when the obvious is right there. Time lost...an abundance of time lost. Monkey, you will lose yourself in memories and possibilities and time will pass by....it will be a time warp of continuance in your head. She is well beyond it.

[lilvoyce7321]

Originally posted by hurtingandconfused

Actually I would have been a lot better if my ex told me that she never wanted to see or hear from me again. People who try to break up with their s/o in a "nice" way cause more harm than good.

 

I Don't know if I did this quote thing right or not. I must say that I completely agree with you. My straight forwardness now comes from age. I was 21 back then and wasn't used to breaking up with guys. Until I met my husband I had always had a fear from men. I seemed to attract men that were obsessive as well.

 

I did tell this X that I wanted to break it off with him because he was too possesive. I told him that I wanted to remain friends. He took advantage of those words "being friends". It is better to walk away. You can't be friends really until both parties are OVER each other.

 

I started dating again and he would manage to follow me out on dates and show up and invite himself to our table. He would spy on me at the movies. Everywhere I went he would bump into me. I even switched churches that I was going to only to have him follow me to church and decide to become a member.

 

I was always polite to him and told him that I was not interested and asked him to leave me alone. He would send me flowers and letters and cards. He would call all of my dates up on the phone and ask them not to date me. He told them that no one understood me the way that he did.

 

I had even told him that we could no longer be friends. When I did this he became so obbsessive that I was afraid for my life. I moved away and within a week he had my new unpublished phone number and came to my home just to say "hello", and see how I was doing.

 

After my hubby and I got engaged he would actually go up to my hubby's work place and spy. He would call me about 20 times a day. Each time I would not say anything and hang up on him. Last time I have heard from him he had made plans to move in my town because he said the "MONEY was better down here".

 

I had to make a second move away from this town. I have not heard from him since. I have heard that he asks my old highschool friends about me and has tried to obtain my address and phone number.

 

I wish we could have been friends, but this was unfortunately impossible.

 

If I had to do it all over again I would have told him that I never wanted to see him again right from the beginning. With people who are obsessed you have to make a clean break and move on. When he chose to stalk me I should have pressed charges from day one.

 

Instead I thought that would PIZZ him off and he may hurt me or something. I no longer live in fear anymore. If you have to fear someone than there can not be any type of friendship.

 

We all have to learn from our mistakes. We can not turn back time. We need to move forward. I do wish the best for my X. I do not wish ill of him. I never want to see him again, but I hope that he is happy. I hope that he has fixed himself and is not out making another woman a nerveous wreck. I wish him the best of health and the ultimate happiness that we all so much deserve.

 

I hope that people don't percieve me as being a rude b----, because that is the furthest thing from the truth. I share my experiences with MONKEY in hopes that he sees that there are two sides to the story and I have worn the shoes on his X-girlfriends feet long enough to be able to share my own stories.

 

I feel soooo sorry for this girl. I wish well of MONKEY, and I hope he gets the help that he needs soon before he gets in trouble, and does something he may regret for the rest of his life.

 

I have personally worked in a Maximum Security Prison. I have been around all types of Stalkers, and really much worse. I know this type personality. These men are very obbssesive and end up being put away for years without any mental help. I don't want to see Monkey fall down these cracks.

 

After what 60+ messages and nothing has sunk in....It is time MONKEY for you to get some help don't you think?

 

Sincerely,

 

lilvoyce

 

P.S. I will pray with all my might that you make the choice to get some help.

[dario]

Monkey, I'm tuning out for good on this one. My opinion is that you just leave her be. I'd write her a letter...a letter of apology...'Sorry for being a complete nuisance...I've realised this. It's scared the hell out of me but I know that I've been a complete burdern on you. Take care, Monkey.'

 

Leave it be.

Infact, I'm going to leave it all be.

 

Ciao

[hurtingandconfused]

No don't do anything. You said what you wanted to. You either wait (could be years or even never) or you move on that is up to you. I'd suggest for you to try to accept that fact that she's gone. Start from there and see what happens.

[Qgal]

I've heard it said that one has no relationship without FRIENDSHIP, RESPECT and PASSION on both sides. I hear none of that on her part from what you say.

 

If you were my past beau I would feel nothing but pity for you at this stage. I would never want to see you again, nomatter what I said in the past. First of all, the fact that she gave you a limit on email contact and you abided by it made me lose respect for you and I don't even know you. No self repspecting person would just obey her like that.

 

I'm so sorry to say that to you but hopefully it will shake you up to move on and leave her alone.

[monkey]

What Lilvoyce says is out of order, like i always contact & harass her, after her lying & decieving me, & to say she tried to be nice! huh, i think you should redad a little more of my posts before you spout your mouth off!

You sound like a drama queen & obviously have been hurt, don't accuse me of being a stalker. I JUST DO WHAT SHE ASKED ME. she tells mw i'm a good guy & wants to see me, just not now. People should think before they say things!

 

You feel sorry for this girl, i told her many times that i felt bad for inflicting my anxiety on her, do you think i wanted to be ill, i have done nothing wrong, exept i trusted her & her words gave me a focus to have some treatment. This i am doing, but you think by telling lyes to someone is a good thing to do.

 

If i had lyed to her & done what she has, even though i know she thought it was the right thing, i would have been slated, like a man doing it to a woman!

Mabe thinking from my point of view, this girl who loved me & i trusted more than my own family & then she does this, if you think this is ok, well i'm sorry for you!

 

Wouldn't you have anger & hurt & feel you needed answers. I just want to be adult & i know i couldn't have lyed to anyone like she did, but for some reason, i love her, & i do leave her, because i love her. I just hope the push & pull thing i've constantly been told, will work!

[amish]

Telling you she loves you a year ago, yet not loving you at this very moment is NOT LYING!

 

Congrats Monkey, you have eliminated any chance of you two ever reconciling. Why are you here if you don't agree with any of the advice offered? You're just here to post the latest chapter in your "Saga of the bitter ex". Please stop calling your ex a liar and harboring so much resentment towards her (while at the same time loving/missing her?!?). Just work on putting it behind you and working on yourself dammit. I swear to God this is my last post directed to you, because I KNOW you won't give it any consideration whatsoever and it's just a waste of my time.

 

She didn't lie to you! Get over it, please!

 

I'm sure you told her on at least one occasion, "We'll be together forever." Guess what....you're NOT together now. Does that make YOU a liar??