I dont' have faith with men anymore...help

[Empty]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post what I want to say, but please bare with me for a few minutes and if anyone (guy or girl) can give me some advice, please do, I would really appreciate it.

 

I'm in my early 20s and had a few serious relationship. I just got out of one when my ex broke up with me a couple of months ago. Most of the time I stand up pretty fast and start dating really fast and get into another relationship in less than a couple of months as well. Of course that is not very good to jump from one relationship to another so quickly. However, after this break up, and I started dating other guys again, I feel so much differently than I used to. It's like I feel less and less interest in many guys and every guy I see or date seem to make me feel like they're just not good enough anymore. It seems like my expectation went up higher than it used to be and almost unreachable. THis ex of mine though was not the "love" of my life but he did mean quite alot to me.

 

What's worse is that I'm even more obsessed with men being different. What I mean by different is that I always have problem with guys watching porn, going to strip clubs or basically just checking girls out. IF they're not my boyfriend, I dont' really care, but once I get into a relationship it bothers me so much that I get extremely paranoid. And now that I'm single again I'm even more like that than before. IT's like, whenever I date a guy I would think that they'd be wanting something sexual from me, which makes me sick to my stomach. Even though some may want a serious relationship and not limited to sexual relationship, I can't stand the thought of it and feel disgusted. I was not like this before but become more and more so. I have absolutely no faith in men at this stage even though I still hope there I can find the right one. But sometimes I don't think my "ideal" guy would ever exist. Many guys think that I"m crazy by thinking this way, even one guy said to me that if I have to think like this I will be single for a long time. It makes me feel that if I have to use my body to keep a guy I would really rather be single forever.

 

I have been told that I am attractive and there are guys who want to date me, but just makes me feel that all they want first is sex. Am I crazy? I think about going to a therapist, but I don't think it would help much because my idea of "sexual oriented men" would not change and that I just can't stand this "fact". The only way I can let it go is to not love anyone at all, and just be with someone for other reasons. I'm feeling really lost, it's like I"m the only person in the world that feels this way and that other women can take it more generously over men. I really don't know what to do, whenever a guy tries to approach me now I feel that they want something else first. I can't take it anymore.

 

Sorry this is so long, I hope I am explaining myself clearly.

[reasontosigh]

Talking to a therapist would actually be quite beneficial here, I'd say. It will certainly help sort out the issues that you have.

 

Jumping into another relationship is certainly not a good idea right now, but you know this already. You may want to hold off on dating for a time too. Give yourself some "me" time - you really do deserve it.

[Empty]

I am not planning to get into another relationship anytime soon.

But I really don't see how going to a therpist help the way I see "men"?

IT's like I can feel better about myself and anything else but fact is fact, and it's a hormone thing that a man can't help. Everytime I think about it I get really upset, I can't stnad it, I can't stand it if my guy think about another girl or check them out looking at their bodies. I can't really change the way I see this because if you hate the taste of garlic can u force urself to like it? if you're hands are on fire can you feel no pain?

I really don't know, just wondering if there're anyone with similar ways of thinking that i have..how they overcome it?

Can i never accept another man again? I don't know.

[amerikajin]

You're at a tough period in your life, Empty. I can't speak for women, but I speak as someone who's in his final days of 20-something. Your early twenties are a time when you're getting used to being on your own, and it can be damn tough. It's around this time that you begin to realize that people can be full of s***, that people who appear to be one thing may in fact be another. You learn that people aren't always true to their word and that sometimes their deceit has consequences. You learn that bosses can be real a**h***s, professors can be arrogant and condescending, friends can be backstabbers, and people of the opposite sex have their own agenda as well. You also learn that love can be as painful to lose as it is to gain. In other words, welcome to the real world.

 

It probably seems a little disillusioning to go through this right now. We all grow up hearing self-help gurus that we can just go out and get anything we want in life if we work hard enough....or that "there's someone for everyone" and "love conquers all". Well, the truth is, sometimes love doesn't conquer anything or anyone except you.

 

The good thing is that you're not alone, and that once you've been through this stage, you'll be less likely to repeat the mistakes that have landed you in this position. Experience is intelligence. You'll be able to get a much better read on people and you'll have a better idea of what you want from them and for yourself. You'll learn to identify people who don't meet your criteria and you won't waste your time with them. It is a time-consuming process, but you will from time to time run into people who will match your interests and needs. I think there is someone out there who will pleasantly surprise you one day...and I'm sure you will pleasantly surprise him, too.

[carla]

You are in a confusing and tough time in your life. When I was in my 20's I thought I knew what I wanted but when I got it ,it just was not what I wanted. Anyway after several bad relationships I thought to myself that their are desent men out there, my friends seem to have happy loveing relationships why do I end up with the jerks? Then I figured It had to be me. I was to blame for falling for the first guy who would approach me and then because I was spoken for I would slam the door in the nice guy's face. I sat down one day with a pen and paper and reviewed my life and relationships. All I knew was I didn't want a relationship like my parents, but always ended up in one. I had 2 columns on my paper, 1 for everything that I didn't want in a relationship and the 2nd column was why I felt I didn't want that particular thing. After several pages of negetive thoughts and traits. I did the same thing but for things that I did like in relationships and things that I did want and why. Lo and behold a short time later I became good friends with the man of my dreams. I now have a relationship that my friends envey. The moral of the story is that there is a reason you feel these things, but no matter what anyone says or tells you what to do, YOU are the one that has to find out why you feel this way and YOU are the only one that can change things, if YOU want to. I hope this helps, you might be surprised what you find out about yourself. If you do this make sure you are by yourself and can be undisturbed for a couple of hours. Good Luck.