Frazzled Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 Hello everyone. My 18 year-old daughter doesn't want to leave her boyfriend (of 9 months) to go on vacation with the family. My husband doesn't want to take the boyfriend because he wants it to be family only. We're going to my daughter's favorite city: New Orleans. We went last year because she had researched it and pleaded with us to go. We'll also be visiting my brother and his wife along the way. It'll be weird and sad not having her with us. I also feel like she chose him over us. Am I being selfish? What can I do to convince her to leave him behind for about 10 days? Or should I even try? PS This is her first boyfriend. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
doublescorpio Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 She probably considers her boyfriend to be family. Honestly, I would have no problem with him coming as long as he paid for his trip. Do you not like the boyfriend? When I had been dating my now fiance only 8 months, I was invited on his family vacation that included a wedding. It was one of the best times of my life, his family was accepting and lovely. I am so proud to have them as my future in-laws. I think this is a great chance for you all to get to know the boyfriend and make your daughter happy. She must feel awful, being in the position of having to choose. Why not consider him family but ask him to please pay his way? Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I would agree with the comment about the boy being family. Our kids usually have a friend with them even when we go food shopping never mind on holiday! ... so, I would take the boyfriend too. Kids friends often matter more to them (on a social level) than family. This is normal. 10 days is like an eternity to be apart when you are young and in your first relationship. Yes, I would take the boy along too if it mattered THAT much to my daughter. If nothing else it would be fun. Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 May I assume she doesn't live with you and supports herself, living in her own home? Then, I could see her turning down your gracious offer of a nice vacation to her favorite city because she has to work to pay her rent and has responsibilities she has to meet as an independent ADULT. However, if she still lives at home and her parents support her, and she's just being a little drama queen about her boyfriend, then the decision is yours. Quite simple, really. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 No. I wouldnt have it. She has her whole life ahead of her to spend with whom she pleases, where she pleases. She is 18. You have maybe a year or two left with her really. She is 18, still your child , dependent. Unable to take her own vacations. I would want to take this opportunity for family time without friends, guests, boyfriends. I know its her first, I know she will pout...but really, this is the kind of obligation life comes with. Besides, what a great way to gather memories and bond before she goes off...to wherever she is heading. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I can sympathize. But she's officially "of age" and has to be treated differently than the child you've born and known. My brother just had to face the same thing with his daughter who is barely 19. The daughter wanted to go with her boyfriend to visit his father--in of all places off the beaten track in Guatemala. All of us were afraid for her because she's pretty and white and going somewhere where kidnapping for ransom accompanied by poor treatment, long dramas and sometimes murder is not unheard of. No offense to citizens of that country or their American progeny. I told him I would take away her plane tickets and let her sue me rather than risk such a catastrophe. But he and his wife let her go as she was past that magic age where they had total right to order her. Thankfully she's home. But she got engaged while on the trip and future trips to banana and machine gun land are not out of the realm of possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 No way in hell would I take my daughter's boyfriend with me on vacation. I'm around the guy too much as it is. You can't force her to go, though. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Why not take him if he can afford to pay his way and also make it clear, no hanky-panky under your watch? If she disagrees with this, she can stay at home while the entire family enjoys her favourite city. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Hello everyone. My 18 year-old daughter doesn't want to leave her boyfriend (of 9 months) to go on vacation with the family. My husband doesn't want to take the boyfriend because he wants it to be family only. We're going to my daughter's favorite city: New Orleans. We went last year because she had researched it and pleaded with us to go. We'll also be visiting my brother and his wife along the way. It'll be weird and sad not having her with us. I also feel like she chose him over us. Am I being selfish? What can I do to convince her to leave him behind for about 10 days? Or should I even try? PS This is her first boyfriend. Thank you! I wouldn't take him. He isn't family. He is her first boyfriend and will most likely not be her boyfriend in 6 months. She is just "in love" want for some reason, can't stand to be away from him for a few days. This is actually sad but very common - so many women get so wrapped up in a boyfriend that they lose friends, miss opportunities, etc. This is one of those times. IF she lives with you and YOU are supporting her, i don't care that she is 18. She goes. Period. Just because a kid turns 18 doesn't mean she is above family rules, especially if she is still being supported by family. And if you allow HER to bring a friend, then the other kids want to bring friends and it is no longer a family vacation. Did she also expect to sleep with him while on vacation? And those that feel that she is an adult now since she is 18, should her parents allow this? May I assume she doesn't live with you and supports herself, living in her own home? Then, I could see her turning down your gracious offer of a nice vacation to her favorite city because she has to work to pay her rent and has responsibilities she has to meet as an independent ADULT. However, if she still lives at home and her parents support her, and she's just being a little drama queen about her boyfriend, then the decision is yours. Quite simple, really. I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Secure Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 Hello everyone. My 18 year-old daughter doesn't want to leave her boyfriend (of 9 months) to go on vacation with the family. My husband doesn't want to take the boyfriend because he wants it to be family only. We're going to my daughter's favorite city: New Orleans. We went last year because she had researched it and pleaded with us to go. We'll also be visiting my brother and his wife along the way. It'll be weird and sad not having her with us. I also feel like she chose him over us. Am I being selfish? What can I do to convince her to leave him behind for about 10 days? Or should I even try? PS This is her first boyfriend. Thank you! I do agree with the posters who state she is "of age" and has the choice whether or not to attend the family vacation. If she is living in your home and you are caring for her, I would expect her to go. It is really surprising to me these days how frequently bf/gfs are tagging along on family vacations. My parents had no problem allowing us to bring someone on family day trips but not for 10 days! They probably could use a 10 day break from each other. She needs to spend time with her family. I assume they are spending enough time together already. Even when my husband and I were engaged, we took separate vacations with our families. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted July 16, 2010 Share Posted July 16, 2010 You don't have to take him if you don't want to obviously. But you also can't force her to go either. Yes, she might have chosen him over the family, but only because you forced her to. She actually wanted both, by bringing him along, remember? Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 No way in hell would I take my daughter's boyfriend with me on vacation. I'm around the guy too much as it is. You can't force her to go, though. This made me laugh really hard! Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 This made me laugh really hard! Take care, Eve xx Me too.:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 To be honest, when I was a teenager, I would have been praying to be left at home so I had a 10 day vacation away from my family. I doubt that would be an uncommon feeling. But, I do think it's rude of her to have an expectation to bring someone that wasn't immediate family. She's wanting you to treat her like an adult but throwing a tantrum like a child and refusing to go because she can't spend 10 days without him? Even if she goes, her attitude will more than likely be terrible and she'll ruin it for the rest of you. Leave her and enjoy family time in peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 Hello everyone. My 18 year-old daughter doesn't want to leave her boyfriend (of 9 months) to go on vacation with the family. My husband doesn't want to take the boyfriend because he wants it to be family only. We're going to my daughter's favorite city: New Orleans. We went last year because she had researched it and pleaded with us to go. We'll also be visiting my brother and his wife along the way. It'll be weird and sad not having her with us. I also feel like she chose him over us. Am I being selfish? What can I do to convince her to leave him behind for about 10 days? Or should I even try? PS This is her first boyfriend. Thank you! I have the following comments: 1) She cannot expect you and your H to bring some boy along on a family vacation just because she dated him for a few months. 2) If you don't take her with you to this vacation, you will come back to a pregnant teen. Link to post Share on other sites
Secure Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 To be honest, when I was a teenager, I would have been praying to be left at home so I had a 10 day vacation away from my family. I doubt that would be an uncommon feeling. But, I do think it's rude of her to have an expectation to bring someone that wasn't immediate family. She's wanting you to treat her like an adult but throwing a tantrum like a child and refusing to go because she can't spend 10 days without him? Even if she goes, her attitude will more than likely be terrible and she'll ruin it for the rest of you. Leave her and enjoy family time in peace. And it would be the first 18 year old getting spanked in New Orleans or wherever. I would not leave her at home due to "her attitude." Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 I have the following comments: 1) She cannot expect you and your H to bring some boy along on a family vacation just because she dated him for a few months. 2) If you don't take her with you to this vacation, you will come back to a pregnant teen. Wow:eek:. I hope you are just kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 Hello everyone. My 18 year-old daughter doesn't want to leave her boyfriend (of 9 months) to go on vacation with the family. My husband doesn't want to take the boyfriend because he wants it to be family only. We're going to my daughter's favorite city: New Orleans. We went last year because she had researched it and pleaded with us to go. We'll also be visiting my brother and his wife along the way. It'll be weird and sad not having her with us. I also feel like she chose him over us. Am I being selfish? What can I do to convince her to leave him behind for about 10 days? Or should I even try? PS This is her first boyfriend. Thank you! This is where tough love comes into play. If you don't leave her behind when she doesn't get her way, then consider yourself owned. Just simply say to her, "You're bf is not coming with us to your favourite city. We would love for you to come with us but if you choose not to, we will just have to go without you." Link to post Share on other sites
ADCB Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 No. I wouldnt have it. She has her whole life ahead of her to spend with whom she pleases, where she pleases. She is 18. You have maybe a year or two left with her really. She is 18, still your child , dependent. Unable to take her own vacations. I would want to take this opportunity for family time without friends, guests, boyfriends. I know its her first, I know she will pout...but really, this is the kind of obligation life comes with. Besides, what a great way to gather memories and bond before she goes off...to wherever she is heading. I agree. She goes, and without the BF. After a day of pouting, she'll be over it, and ready to enjoy her favorite town. She also should not be allowed to stay home and have the whole house free for 10 days for her and her BF. It's just too much of a temptation. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 And it would be the first 18 year old getting spanked in New Orleans or wherever. I would not leave her at home due to "her attitude." Assaulting someone really isn't the answer. Corporate does make a good point...she stays at home unsupervised, it's obvious what they'll be getting up to. If both are brought along at least the OP can keep an eye on them. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 She's 18, you can't force her to go. My parents tried some crap like this about a year ago where they tried to make me skip work to go on a trip with them at the last minute. Wasn't happening. And then to make it worse, my mom insinuated I was throwing large orgy parties at the house. Let her stay home if she wants. Either way it's a win/lose situation for her and a win-win situation for you. You'll have held your ground in showing that as long as she lives with ya'll what you say goes. And if she comes without him she'll be sad without him, but if she doesn't go she'll be pissed she missed out on going to her favourite city. Sounds great to me. Link to post Share on other sites
AVR1962 Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 At this age it is perfectly normal that your daughter would seemingly perfer company with her boyfriend rather than quality time with parents. One day when she is a mother she will understand how you feel but right now her world is about her, her friends, and what she wants to do rather than anything to do with home and parents. I was the same way, my children were the same after a certain point in each of their lives. Work with her instead of against her, she is an adult now eventhough it's hard to see our children as adults. Try to recall yourself and your feelings at that age, maybe that will help too! Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 I say if she doesnt want to go then dont make her....I wouldnt want to have someone on vacation with me who didnt want to be there. Besides if you force her to go she may very well end up resenting that. I know you feel shes growing up and you dont have much time to spend but sadly thats life. If you force her to go then when she finally does get out toally and she has a choice she might choose to NEVER go....Again just my opinion. I was forced to go on various vacations with my rents and hated it...why? Because what they liked to do vs what I liked to do are totally different..another thing im not being rude or ugly b4 anyone ask just wondering...if its not considered a family vacation if the bf goes then what if she marries him??? Can she bring him then???just asking... Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 Wow:eek:. I hope you are just kidding. Teenagers are hormonal and when the parents are out of town and there are several beds in the house without any interruption, what do you think they'll do. Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 Im gonna interject here once more.....If the daughter IS having sex with her bf shes grown...You can yell and scream "shes living in her mothers house" Im sorry but once you get 18 your private parts are yours to control. Shes not 14 yrs old hopefully her parents taught her how to be safe. Her virginity is no longer her parents concern...anywho... I say dont make her go if she doesnt want to....or maybe chat with her about why exactly it is she doesnt want to go....again once you get a certain age vacation with your parents kinda makes ya shutter think about it....would you as a grown woman want to go on vacation with your parents? Link to post Share on other sites
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