Sick of boyfriend being broke

[Serenitynow]

Whats more important a dog or a child ?

 

.

[Pyro]

but but he's entitled to sports and a pet. any liberal would say so. libs aren't well liked in utah which is good.

 

Don't bring political BS into this thread. Start an anti liberal thread elsewhere.

[brainygirl]

Oh and quick note on the dog thing...he has been having to fork over $150 every few months because he gets chronic ear infections from scratching them too often. Mighty expensive. But my baby doesn't wanna give him to the humane society because he's afraid the dog will get killed and we don't know anyone who wants a dog.

 

Brainygirl I understand its easy to save when large chunks of money are coming my way. I guess I sounded cocky...but I deviated from the point I was trying to make anyway. The thing is I don't see him trying to put any money towards paying off bills. It'd be nice just to see him try to do something about it. Even if it was only $50 or so a month. He pays almost $100 for his cell a month cuz he "HAS" to have the internet on the dang thing, plus he does extracurricular sports with rec leagues all the time which he has to pay for. A lot of times, that means "beers with the guys" after too. I don't want him to cut these things out b/c they are important to him (ok well maybe the cell thing can be a cutback, but not the sports) I just want us to be able to DO things and plan for the future.

 

different priorities are important and I think that's what this is coming down to. But if he isn't making enough to cover his basic expenses, then he CAN'T save any.

 

I agree, beers with the guys and rec leagues are expensive. But so are fancy date nights in the city . . . . why is it okay to spend money on one but not the other?

 

The cell phone could be cut back, but sometimes getting out of an expensive contract is worse for funds and credit than biting the bullet and paying the monthly cost.

 

The dog thing is annoying. And I feel bad for him and the dog. But the reality is that MOST animals given to shelters DIE. I wouldn't put my dog in a shelt so I could have more money to impress my BF.

 

I honestly think you are being arrogant and selfish and I think that the problem isn't his job or your idea of a date night. Its that you and he are not a compatible match with similar values and ideas of where and when the relationship is headed.

[SweetD]

I have no sympathy for people that have kids before they are financially sound to deal with the responsiblilty

 

It usually just causes problems for the child who has done nothing to deserve the situation

.

 

You are welcome to your opinion, but I know many, many, many a children raised by lower income families who are fulfilled and happy beyond measure. If everyone waited til they could afford it, no one would have children.

 

On a seperate note, if I could please redirect my post...I believe it is being a little misconstrued. I know I came off sounding cocky and disrespectufl of my boyfriend but I want to clarify I DO respect his hard work and love him no matter what. I am merely frustrated because he complains nearly every day about it yet I never see even *small* changes as an attempt to fix. And me bitching about the fact that we can rarely go out just feels like the frustrating icing on the cake. I was venting guys, I thought this was a place for it...but apparantly I need to turn to my diary next time. Yipes (And this time I DO mean the face to be LMAO).

[brainygirl]

Don't bring political BS into this thread. Start an anti liberal thread elsewhere.

 

I try not to feed trolls, especially when they aren't making any sense.

[Art_Critic]

Whats more important a dog or a child ?

 

.

Both

 

to the child the pet may very well be

[Pyro]

Brainygirl makes a good point. While he should cut out the non-essentials like the sports and drinks with guys, you should also cutback on the going out. Convince to at least apply to better paying jobs while still keeping the job he has. Living paycheck to paycheck is never fun.

[Pyro]

I try not to feed trolls, especially when they aren't making any sense.

 

good point.:laugh:

[brainygirl]

You are welcome to your opinion, but I know many, many, many a children raised by lower income families who are fulfilled and happy beyond measure. If everyone waited til they could afford it, no one would have children.

 

On a seperate note, if I could please redirect my post...I believe it is being a little misconstrued. I know I came off sounding cocky and disrespectufl of my boyfriend but I want to clarify I DO respect his hard work and love him no matter what. I am merely frustrated because he complains nearly every day about it yet I never see even *small* changes as an attempt to fix. And me bitching about the fact that we can rarely go out just feels like the frustrating icing on the cake. I was venting guys, I thought this was a place for it...but apparantly I need to turn to my diary next time. Yipes (And this time I DO mean the face to be LMAO).

 

Honestly, he sounds stuck.

 

I know guys who work hard, but because of past mistakes and bad breaks are in really rough situations. What can he do? Really? Go back to school? he'd fall behind in CS and end up loosing his driver's license or being arrested. Get rid of his dog? That's like a member of the family. Get lower CS? That's hard to do, and really, what parent wants to go to court and ask to be LESS responsible for their child?

 

So, what's that leave him? Bitching and complaining.

 

Let him vent a little, and we'll let you vent a little.

[SweetD]

Brainygirl makes a good point. While he should cut out the non-essentials like the sports and drinks with guys, you should also cutback on the going out. Convince to at least apply to better paying jobs while still keeping the job he has. Living paycheck to paycheck is never fun.

 

Agreed. I do think that if I am expecting him to make changes I should stop expecting him to entertain me on the weekends. I never really saw it that way til now. I've just always had the work hard play hard attitude and kinda expected him to have it too, even though he couldn't afford.

 

But now I'm also starting to think that, like him, I should adopt my own version of the rec league. Maybe join a local social or sports club or something. That way I can still scratch my itch to get out and about once in awhile without being resentful of the money speant. Win win?

[Pyro]

Agreed. I do think that if I am expecting him to make changes I should stop expecting him to entertain me on the weekends. I never really saw it that way til now. I've just always had the work hard play hard attitude and kinda expected him to have it too, even though he couldn't afford.

 

But now I'm also starting to think that, like him, I should adopt my own version of the rec league. Maybe join a local social or sports club or something. That way I can still scratch my itch to get out and about once in awhile without being resentful of the money speant. Win win?

 

That can work.

 

In the meantime encourage him. Show him that you are proud of him working as hard as he has been but also encourage him to want to better his situation and find a better paying job.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I'm not as quick to assume the guy is stuck and doing the best he can. He has had the same job for nine years and is currently making $12 per hour and started at $12 per hour? He is content with this arrangement?

 

Given that he has had this job for nine years, I'm estimating he is near 28 - 30 years old? He has a child to support. For that reason alone, he should be concerned about where this job will take him and it doesn't sound like he is.....

 

What kind of job does he have?

 

Does he share expenses with a roommate? Perhaps, he should.

 

Has he considered placing an ad on Craigslist to give the dog away?

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with desiring compatibility in the area's of education, ambition, and financial planning.

[Serenitynow]

I don't think there is anything wrong with desiring compatibility in the area's of education, ambition, and financial planning.

 

 

Agree 100%

 

Financial responsibility is a pet peeve of mine in the dating world. I dont expect you to be rich, but at least be responsible. I will never allow myself to be sucked into another persons mistakes.

 

 

.

[carhill]

Here are the expenses of his I know about: rent $750/month, electric approx $75, car payment $150, car insurance $100, he also has a daughter and of course that adds on a lot...believe me I understand in that department.

 

I suppose most of you are right. The more I type the more I realize I may be being unrealistic and selfish. Like I said though, I think my problem more stems from not seeing any motivation on his part to make changes. Its hard hearing him bitch all the time, but also show no attempt at solving the problem.

As a father, I would agree that 25K per year before taxes is a bit of a stretch. Being a father would bring out more of the entrepreneurial spirit in myself and I'd look for other ways to make a living.

 

Me, being unemployed for 25 years and in a shytey business climate, I trade work for food, manage a couple rentals, do odd handy work for friends, trade my knowledge of travel for hotels and flights for myself, build cap catchers for bottle openers and a whole host of other things, besides running a machine shop. You do what you gotta do. It stops when you're dead.

 

Part of being a man is doing something about it. It's OK to share your *feelings*, but with a positive plan for success. A friend asked me last weekend how business was. I told him it sucks right now, and, btw, I brought my laser so I could measure his beach house for the next project there. That's the positive spin. Always something else to do. Hope it works out

[SweetD]

I'm not as quick to assume the guy is stuck and doing the best he can. He has had the same job for nine years and is currently making $12 per hour and started at $12 per hour? He is content with this arrangement?

 

Given that he has had this job for nine years, I'm estimating he is near 28 - 30 years old? He has a child to support. For that reason alone, he should be concerned about where this job will take him and it doesn't sound like he is.....

 

What kind of job does he have?

 

Does he share expenses with a roommate? Perhaps, he should.

 

Has he considered placing an ad on Craigslist to give the dog away?

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with desiring compatibility in the area's of education, ambition, and financial planning.

 

I see so much potential in him. Truly. But I don't think he sees it himself. I believe there are underlying self esteem issues maybe...but thats a whole nother thread. I sort of believe he would be content to work his current job the rest of his life even without much pay raise. (Btw he works in the shipping department of a computer supply facility and yes, he's 30). I've also never heard him talk of any financial or career goals. I think thats upsetting me too. He was in college for a year, then dropped out, and doesn't plan on going back. Maybe at least if I had the reassurance that he would like to explore his career options at some point in the future--when the economy stabalizes-- I would feel more reassured. But for now, all I hear is bitching and I guess the worrier in me is concerned for the future.

[Corporate]

I love to do things, go out and travel, see the nightlife, visit different parts of my city, etc.

 

Hey, how are you doing?

[Gero]

IMO he should quit the recreational sports for now if he can't even afford food/gas at times.

 

His priorities are not straight there.

 

Especially when he has a kid.

[txsilkysmoothe]

OP, you listed some of his monthly expenses. You did not indicate what he pays each month toward child support. I didn't get the impression his daughter lives with him.

 

I don't want to pry, but if he isn't consistent in supporting his child, he isn't b/f material.

[Jilly Bean]

Sweet D - I think the real problem here is that after a year, you are now realizing your core values are imcompatible.

 

You clearly are a very driven and motivated young lady. You work very hard at everything, and find ways to create a better life.

 

This is not him.

 

This is really hard to make work as a couple when you don't operate on the same level, you know?

 

Pretty much assume that who he is now, is who he will always be. Content with mediocrity, while you are always reaching for new dreams.

[carhill]

I don't want to pry, but if he isn't consistent in supporting his child, he isn't b/f material.

 

If only more women had used that criteria when I was younger. I agree completely. For some reason, perhaps not now but 10-20 years ago, it seemed like the deadbeat dads were pretty successful in the relationship department. That's how they came to be deadbeats. Must be a charisma thing. I guess it all balances out in the end.

 

OP, IMO, the absolute 'worst' thing he could do if you told him to quit complaining and do something about it would be to stop dating you. Up to you. Sugar coating this won't work, IMO. His ethic is likely entrenched. FWIW, I was laboring away (and I do mean laboring out in the hot sun) for 12/hr over 30 years ago. Can't imagine being employed for that wage today. Something has to give.

[Gero]

I had a $15/hour job in a warehouse for 2 years. I know I could work harder and smarter than everyone around me and I expected to move up the ladder rather quickly. Of course this didn't happen because the place was basically a dead end job and they don't want anyone to leave the warehouse because it's so hard to keep people there because the conditions are terrible.

 

It was obvious that I was never going to go anywhere in that job and I ended up leaving eventually. After I left they fired all of the younger guys and kept the older people that were stuck in that job who they could count on to never leave.

 

My uncle and cousin worked there for much longer than I did and they never got anywhere. It sucks.

[Tayla]

OP, you listed some of his monthly expenses. You did not indicate what he pays each month toward child support. I didn't get the impression his daughter lives with him.

 

I don't want to pry, but if he isn't consistent in supporting his child, he isn't b/f material.

 

To clarify The funds listed under the guise of child support go to the primary custodian. The child holds no claim or compensation for this lovely legal snafu.

 

To the SweetD- I get it that you want a man that has goals and a drive to better himself. Gosh knows we all want to support our loved ones when we see such potential in them. I learned a long time ago to value them for what they are , what they can become and to realize that so long as they are happy, healthy and somewhat sane any of the other stuff is fluffing. Get back to the basics.

As for the financial side of things- I would be Pissed if anyone posted my budget on here. Respect his plight of financial judgment. His value as a person is not equivalent to his wages. A business doesn't have to give a raise ever unless the laws change on minimum wage.

 

I side with the one poster who said basically if the shoe was on the other foot, no one would even speak on this other then to defend the single mom and how hard it is for her....Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

[SweetD]

OP, you listed some of his monthly expenses. You did not indicate what he pays each month toward child support. I didn't get the impression his daughter lives with him.

 

I don't want to pry, but if he isn't consistent in supporting his child, he isn't b/f material.

 

He has his daughter 50/50 (three nights and all day Saturday) and doesn't pay child support because of this. He splits doc bills and school tuition (they insist on private school, $$$) with the mom.

[SweetD]

Im a bitch in regards to posting the budget and making it seem like Im better than, I'll give you all that.

 

I do think however, this topic was good to bring up because it has brought to light whether or not his and my ambition levels match. I think this is the heart of the problem.

[Gero]

He has his daughter 50/50 (three nights and all day Saturday) and doesn't pay child support because of this. He splits doc bills and school tuition (they insist on private school, $$$) with the mom.

 

It sounds like he is doing fairly good for himself considering his situation but not doing all that he can. He probably should give up the rec leagues and such especially since he has a kid.

 

If it really bothers you, you should talk to him about some ideas you have to help him do better financially.

 

It's like walking on eggshells though because a lot of guys are insecure about their jobs and how much they make and such... especially if they are with someone who is more successful than them.

 

If it's a big deal to you then that's fine, but if you really have strong feelings for this guy I think you shouldn't be so harsh on him when it comes to his job.

 

I know a couple who has been together since they were in high school. Since the beginning she made more money than him and he struggled. They are now in their 30s and she is a nurse while he is basically a garbage man. She obviously makes more money than him but he works hard and has his priorities straight. They have two kids now and couldn't be happier.