BubbleFreak Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 But you've acknowledged that you don't understand what's socially appropriate or not. I said it is hard for me to know what is socially appropriate and some counsellors have suggested I have Aspergers, but I have not been diagnosed. Just because something is not perfectly appropriate in society, does not mean I don't know what is OK for me, and doesn't mean I am unable to like or dislike things others say and do. One person in this thread, but plenty of other people also like more communication earlier on. I've seen women who love to talk and text before even the first date and I've seen the opposite. I find it irrelevant if she has some condition or not. When it gets down to it, most of the population could technically be diagnosed with something. As a man I don't really care either way whether there is a lot of communication or not in the early stages of dating. I don't think the amount of texing has anything to do with the emotional health of the person, unless it is a very extreme amount. It's a personal preference. Thank you. Whether or not I have Aspergers is irrelevent regarding the OP's question. Star Gazer seems to think everyone must be/think exactly like her to be "healthy". As for how much communication there is in early stages of dating, it could just depend on your circumstances and how you know this person. Some people might work together and see each other frequently before the big date anyway. Does that make them stalkers- hell no- their situation in life places them together. have you asked her yet? I agree. OP, it might be worth just asking the girl how often she likes getting texts, since you're not sure. Taking an hour to reply to your texts could mean any number of things- she is busy, she doesn't like them, etc etc- but you don't know for sure unless you just ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author john 07 Posted July 13, 2010 Author Share Posted July 13, 2010 (edited) I agree. OP, it might be worth just asking the girl how often she likes getting texts, since you're not sure. Taking an hour to reply to your texts could mean any number of things- she is busy, she doesn't like them, etc etc- but you don't know for sure unless you just ask. Actually I haven't asked her out yet for Friday. I'm nervous actually and feel a little akward. I have a weird feeling maybe she's getting annoyed but it could all just be in my head. I'm thinking about asking her to a restaurant at a nearby mall. They have an ice rink in there so I'm going to suggest that too. Also when we text majority of her texts always takes more than thirty min to reply. One Time I said I loved your earrings and she didn't get back for almost two hours. I thought she was creeped out.........then she replied " thanks it's my fave and that she wore it today" gosh was I relieved. Maybe I'll ask her if she's more of a te t person or phone person. She's 24 so I'm guessing she doesn't mind texting.........not sure.......and gosh y am I so nervous just to ask her out......this is sad Edited July 13, 2010 by john 07 Link to post Share on other sites
vestigalvirgin Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 john 07, she's 24, it's the third date, and you want to take her to the ice rink??? Dude, I don't know where you are physically in this relationship but what you should be doing by this time is trying to get cozy with her at your place or her place. "Let's get together at my place with a couple of DVD's and I will cook you a nice gourmet dinner. You bring the wine." If she says "no" to this forget about her and move on, she's wasting your time. Your job in life is not to provide an endless stream of free restaurant meals to women who don't really like you. Link to post Share on other sites
BubbleFreak Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Actually I haven't asked her out yet for Friday. I'm nervous actually and feel a little akward. I have a weird feeling maybe she's getting annoyed but it could all just be in my head. I'm thinking about asking her to a restaurant at a nearby mall. They have an ice rink in there so I'm going to suggest that too. Also when we text majority of her texts always takes more than thirty min to reply. One Time I said I loved your earrings and she didn't get back for almost two hours. I thought she was creeped out.........then she replied " thanks it's my fave and that she wore it today" gosh was I relieved. Maybe I'll ask her if she's more of a te t person or phone person. She's 24 so I'm guessing she doesn't mind texting.........not sure.......and gosh y am I so nervous just to ask her out......this is sad Not sad at all. I think nerves are natural and show how much you really want to see her again, I think it's a good thing to have. Her getting annoyed might not just be in your head. 4.5 years ago I met my bf, and after 2 weeks he still hadn't asked me out, so I got impatient and asked him out. It went like this. I said, "Do you want to-" and he cut me off and said, "Yes!" Your ideas for a 3rd date sound great! Just tell her what you have in mind, I think another person already said this but if she wants to see you again it doesn't matter that much how you phrase it. I thought what you said in the original post sounded good already. Good luck to you when you finally ask her out again! Yes, ask her what she likes. And hey does she randomly text you too, and I don't mean just replying to your texts. Does she ask questions in the texts? If she does, then she probably wants you to keep on texting. Good luck, hope this works out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 john 07, she's 24, it's the third date, and you want to take her to the ice rink??? Dude, I don't know where you are physically in this relationship but what you should be doing by this time is trying to get cozy with her at your place or her place. "Let's get together at my place with a couple of DVD's and I will cook you a nice gourmet dinner. You bring the wine." If she says "no" to this forget about her and move on, she's wasting your time. Your job in life is not to provide an endless stream of free restaurant meals to women who don't really like you. I would be bit freaked out at the dvds at mine.. equates to me as I want sex;) however ice skating.. yea its a bit much could break your neck or something.. Why not just a dinner date.. ? its only date3 after all:) Link to post Share on other sites
vestigalvirgin Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I would be bit freaked out at the dvds at mine.. equates to me as I want sex;) however ice skating.. yea its a bit much could break your neck or something.. Why not just a dinner date.. ? its only date3 after all:) Specify when making the date that the DVD's will be Disney movies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author john 07 Posted July 13, 2010 Author Share Posted July 13, 2010 Well I Called her yesterday but she didnt pick up, she texted me she was in night class. Left a text message to see if she was busy this Friday and wanted to get dinner but no reply. No call back or even a text. Wow I feel crushed......maybe a sign to move on. I really liked her too....... Link to post Share on other sites
gamma1 Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Well I Called her yesterday but she didnt pick up, she texted me she was in night class. Left a text message to see if she was busy this Friday and wanted to get dinner but no reply. No call back or even a text. Wow I feel crushed......maybe a sign to move on. I really liked her too....... Allow her another day to get back to you because she may well have had a busy day. The awful part of dating is the waiting to see if she calls back. I hope she calls back. Link to post Share on other sites
gamma1 Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 (edited) Thank you. Whether or not I have Aspergers is irrelevent regarding the OP's question. Star Gazer seems to think everyone must be/think exactly like her to be "healthy". As for how much communication there is in early stages of dating, it could just depend on your circumstances and how you know this person. Some people might work together and see each other frequently before the big date anyway. Does that make them stalkers- hell no- their situation in life places them together. I agree completely. Edited July 13, 2010 by gamma1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Should I constantly call and text her on the days in between when I don't see her?? no, you should not do that Link to post Share on other sites
Author john 07 Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 She got back to me but she said " my friends want to see me in thee city after my class and that about it" I asked if she was busy on Friday and this is what she said. I don't know how I should take it. Is it an excuse to get away from me??? Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 So I'm thinking about asking this girl out on a third date. I just don't know where to start. I was thinking about texting her "I enjoyed getting to know you better last week. I wanted to take you out for another dinner and wondering if you wanted to go??" does that sound ok?? Or should I keep it more simple to "I enjoyed getting to know you last week and was wondering if you wanted to get dinner again". Which sounds better. Also I'm going to ask her out for Friday. Should I constantly call and text her on the days in between when I don't see her?? Thanks guys. I'm such a newb at this......sad I wouldn't make it a bigger deal than it is.. I would say something like "Hey cutie (you may want to leave this part out to keep her curiousity up to make her wonder if you're into her in "that way ") or just say "hey how have you been do you want to hang out and do X on X day" Don't over complicate it, if she's is interested in you enough she will accept the invite.. I would HIGHLY advise NOT contacting her on the days you don't see each other because you will appear to be clingy and in a sense offer no challenge because she will read through it and know the you are into her and she can have you whenever she wants.. You have to have a life and not always be available.. In a new dating scenario you have to give her space to "miss you" so to speak and make her think about you.. If you're up her arse 24/7 she knows where you are and what you are doing.. You want to make her think about you and by not contacting her all the time, even going a day or so without contact will make her wonder why you haven't contact her.. I would say let it go a few days and IF she's interested she will contact you, if she doesn't then sent a simple text saying hey what's up how are you.. Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 john 07, she's 24, it's the third date, and you want to take her to the ice rink??? Dude, I don't know where you are physically in this relationship but what you should be doing by this time is trying to get cozy with her at your place or her place. "Let's get together at my place with a couple of DVD's and I will cook you a nice gourmet dinner. You bring the wine." If she says "no" to this forget about her and move on, she's wasting your time. Your job in life is not to provide an endless stream of free restaurant meals to women who don't really like you. You know what.. I kinda agree on this mentality.. As a guy, on like the 3rd or 4th date I usually will offer to go out and eat or do something but I will often bring up the offer of coming back to my place to watch a movie or hang out and if a chick is comfortable enough with that then I will probably engage her more or feel her out... I remember my last ex and I and we went on 1 date, nothing, 2nd date i tried to kiss her and she gave me the cheek turn and i called her out on it.. One of my (older male) co-workers said "if you don't get laid by the 3rd-4th date don't waste your time" and sure enough 3rd date came, we hung out and she asked for a massage and i said ok but you have to kiss me 1st.. basically we ended up Fking on the 3rd date.. from a cheek turn on date 2 to date 3 and fking is a huge leap for me but ya I don't really know where i was getting at with this but the experience made me smile.. I guess what I'm saying is if you're into this chick maybe bring up dinner and a movie at your place or doing whatever and trying to get her to your place.. I have found every girl i have invited to my place and agreed I have slept with, and chicks aren't stupid, they know the moment you bring up "back at my place" that there is a good reason you're asking for a hook up or persuing things further.. To women when you ask "back at my place" they're really taking in "we're going to hook up and possible sleep together" and if they agree to come back to your place then they most likely know the stipulations of the hang out and are willing to take it further.. Good luck OP !! GET YOU SOME !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BubbleFreak Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 She got back to me but she said " my friends want to see me in thee city after my class and that about it" I asked if she was busy on Friday and this is what she said. I don't know how I should take it. Is it an excuse to get away from me??? Seems like a vague reply. It could be taken two ways- 1) I am busy but after that I am free so yes I would like to go to dinner with you or 2) I am busy, so no I do not want to go to dinner with you. Just clarifying, did you ask her if she was busy as well as dinner, or just if she was busy? Anyways, I don't blame you for getting confused about her reply. You can ask her again if that's a yes or no answer, but if again she is vague then I would stop contacting her. If she likes you enough she will get back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
gamma1 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 She got back to me but she said " my friends want to see me in thee city after my class and that about it" I asked if she was busy on Friday and this is what she said. I don't know how I should take it. Is it an excuse to get away from me??? Her reply is very confusing. It doesn't seem likey that there is much interest on her end. You could suggest a different day than Friday. If she doesn't accept or doesn't respond, you should to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 She got back to me but she said " my friends want to see me in thee city after my class and that about it" I asked if she was busy on Friday and this is what she said. I don't know how I should take it. Is it an excuse to get away from me??? Usually if a chick is legit busy she will usually counter offer like "im busy on friday doing x but i am free X day" I think you should back off for a few days and not contact her and give her a little space.. From your posts, it sounds like you maybe smother her with interest and that will always come back and bite you in the arse.. Just chill out and wait until later in the week and she if she contacts you.. Right now YOU are the only one that appears to be persuing and I know you may feel like if you don't contact her enough then she will think you aren't interested in her but trust me this is the worst thinking and will work against you... just lay low for a few days, do your own thing and let her contact you.. by showing too much interest you're only hurting yourself and if you can do what we say you will have a better chance but if you think we don't know the "actual" scenario and say but this and but that and you continue you contact her you will hurt yourself... just trust us here because we've been through it and from an unemotional stand point we can give pretty solid advice but you may not agree because you're emotionally attached to this chick. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 So I'm thinking about asking this girl out on a third date. I just don't know where to start. I was thinking about texting her "I enjoyed getting to know you better last week. I wanted to take you out for another dinner and wondering if you wanted to go??" does that sound ok?? Or should I keep it more simple to "I enjoyed getting to know you last week and was wondering if you wanted to get dinner again". Which sounds better. Also I'm going to ask her out for Friday. Should I constantly call and text her on the days in between when I don't see her?? Thanks guys. I'm such a newb at this......sad For crissake, man up and don't "text". Are you a person or a line of words on a tiny LCD screen? After two dates it should be clear that you've crossed enough real life together to feel comfortable about "really" reflecting your real desire to continue the real life progression. Don't default to chickenshi+ism and hiding behind technology to show your interest or entusiasm about further "seeing" this woman. I'm really seeing this as a pattern in many threads and posts that both women and men start getting all insecure by the apparent waning of interest in one or the other following "texting" after the critical early get-togethers that should be simply felt instead of expressed through you text device. Texting consistantly seem to be common denominator in these stories. Save the texting for business or some impersonal interaction with someone else. But I think the jury is coming in on texting as being a cop out from facing real life on its own terms. Call her, try to get a few moments together in which you can lead up to asking her out again, but I see only things to be lost and not gained by resorting to this half-assed new social convention called texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author john 07 Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 Seems like a vague reply. It could be taken two ways- 1) I am busy but after that I am free so yes I would like to go to dinner with you or 2) I am busy, so no I do not want to go to dinner with you. Just clarifying, did you ask her if she was busy as well as dinner, or just if she was busy? Anyways, I don't blame you for getting confused about her reply. You can ask her again if that's a yes or no answer, but if again she is vague then I would stop contacting her. If she likes you enough she will get back to you. I only asked if she was busy on Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
homersheineken Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I only asked if she was busy on Friday. That's a vague question. No wonder you got a vague answer. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 For crissake, man up and don't "text". Are you a person or a line of words on a tiny LCD screen? After two dates it should be clear that you've crossed enough real life together to feel comfortable about "really" reflecting your real desire to continue the real life progression. Don't default to chickenshi+ism and hiding behind technology to show your interest or enthusiasm about further "seeing" this woman. The above -- a text provides no opportunity for real conversation, no nuances, no way to gauge interest. Just because it's the tech trend of the moment doesn't mean it's useful in some scenarios. Save the chronic calling and texting for established relationships. She got back to me but she said " my friends want to see me in the city after my class and that about it" I asked if she was busy on Friday and this is what she said. I don't know how I should take it. Is it an excuse to get away from me??? Instead of asking if she's busy Friday, you should have suggested, "I was planning on going to (a specific restaurant/movie/event) on Friday and wanted to know if you'd join me." Unless she's chained to work, if she enjoys being with you she will make the time (especially on a Friday night). Personally I don't think the interest level on her side is high at all. Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I think she would of suggested another day if she was interested.. thats just me though i would:) Link to post Share on other sites
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