caught up in the past

[V]

9 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of two years.

 

I now realize that the decision I made was wrong. He knew it at the time, but I was so sure it was the right thing to do.

 

What happened was-- I met someone else. I also thought it was for the best since he lived 100 miles away and I wanted him to pursue his music career. He wasn't happy about the break up, neither was I, but I wanted both of us to have a break and see what else was out there. We kept in touch off and on initially. He spent a lot of time getting drunk

 

and holding the break up against me. A month afterward he said "I look around for you and you're not there. Every night I cry." It hurt me a lot, but I repressed it. He said he wasn't seeing anyone because he's too shy. Eventually he stopped returning my calls, e-mails and seemed to be cutting me off. So I did as any smart person would do, and I left him be. He didn't want to stay in touch.

 

Waited a few months and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I e-mailed him again, saying I was thinking about him and wanted to know how his career and everything was coming along. He wrote back that he still cared about me somewhere deep inside. Then suddenly he cut off communication with me again and I backed off again.

 

It's been three months since then and I still can't get him off my mind. I've dated other people and none of them seem to measure up. I know there are a lot of people out there, but for some reason he seems like he was the one. I screwed it up and now it seems like there's nothing I can do. I know he's seeing someone, so I think that's why he doesn't want to deal with me. Either that or he stopped caring all together. Should I try to talk to him one last time and find out just to settle things? It seems weird after not talking for a few months. He might think i'm psycho. Maybe I should just back off and wait it out some more. But it still hurts that I didn't realize all of this until almost a year later. I don't know. Maybe it's not meant to be. It's still hard to forget though.

[Tony T]

Well, yes, you did screw this one up. The only thing you can do is come forth, admit you feel you made a serious mistake, let him know how much he means to you, ask for forgiveness, and ask him if the two of you can begin anew. Then get his response. Plain as that. You can't play silly games with him for years because I don't think he will ever approach you on the subject.

 

Even though he still cares about you, there's only a 50/50 chance he'll be disposed to getting back together. Nobody likes to be dumped, to be hurt...especially when it's for the purpose of the other person wanting to see if there's something out there better.

 

I have an excellent self image, but if a lady told me she wanted to stop seeing me because she needed to see what else was out there, I would never have her back. Maybe I am an incurable romantic but I feel that when you really and truly love someone, you don't have to continue your search.

 

You either have to talk to him, as I suggested above, or just forget him, leave him alone, and move on. Either way, you'll be OK. There are many guys in the singles pool and there's bound to be one or more out there with whom you would be very much compatible. But get this question answered as soon as possible so you can get on with your life.

 

I am really wondering if he looks a lot better to you since you've been away from him. Think about that. I mean...unless you are off balance and you sound pretty sane, you really wouldn't have just walked away from somebody you really loved and cared about for some unknown quantity. Put yourself in his shoes...how would you feel if a guy did that to you?

 

I hope you resolve this very quickly so everybody can carry on with their lives.