blondie_182_182 Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 Hello, I am new to the forums, but I am in a sticky situation with a guy and need some advice. To give some background, I have been single for awhile and have spent the past year dating. After many bad dates, I finally decided to give up dating and focus on my career. That was until I met this guy. We hit it off instantly and things started moving pretty fast (much faster than I have ever moved with a guy before). I was aware that he had recently gotten out of a relationship, but he told me not to worry about it when I asked. I really started to get attached and developing feelings for him and I thought it was the same on his end. Until last night... He gave me a call and told me that he wanted to slow things down and take a huge step back. He said that he really enjoys spending time with me and that he cares about me a lot, but that he needs to spend some time sorting things out as far as his life and his recently broken-off relationship. He said that he didn't want to jump into a relationship with me where I could end up being the rebound and getting hurt. He doesn't want to mess things up with me, but the timing is all wrong. He says he still wants to spend time with me, but with no physical/sexual contact, and that once he has his stuff sorted out, things could turn into a relationship. He was genuine about all of this and I can understand where he is coming from, having put someone through the whole rebound thing in the past. Here's my dilemna - I told him that I appreciate him thinking of my feelings and not wanting to hurt me, so I offered to be his friend. I really like him - he is everything I have been looking for. I am hoping that in the end, we will end up dating because we both think that we could have something really great. However, I am scared that he could end up dating someone else or going back to his ex or deciding in the end that he doesn't want a relationship with me. Am I putting myself through emotional suicide? I haven't taken a risk like this for a guy in a long time; typically, I would just walk away, but there is something about him. What would you do if you were me? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 It's all or nothing. It has to be. You simply cannot be his friend at this moment, and by being around him with those feelings you may eventually push him away. What if things work out with his ex? What if he wants to date around? There's something to be said for timing, but there's also a time to just do it. If he really had his head in the game, he'd swim through a river of glass to be with you. No matter what was going on in his life. Guys have the Brad Pitt test for situations like these when you wonder if she's being legit or just being nice and letting you down easy. We ask ourselves, that would the girl in question say any of that (I need my time, I need my head together, I want to slow down, etc) if Brad Pitt were to come calling? You should put what he said through the Megan Fox test. Would he slow things down with her? I'd hate to say it, but this situation just points to him and his ex may be trying to work things out. Or at the very least, he's still hung up on her. Whatever the case, he's not wanting to take things any farther with you at this moment. Can you stay idle with those feelings or will you eventually suffocate yourself and him with them? I really think you need to put some space between the two of you. Maybe not forever, but at least for now. For him, it'll allow him to really think without you there. Let him experience life without you. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so give him some. For you, it will give you the chance to start the healing process in case things hit the ****house and he gets back with his ex. If you stay around him you will be living in a constant state of emotional limbo and that's not healthy at all. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Life08 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Totally agree with WTRanger. Right now you are willing to take what you can get just to spend time with him, but that can turn out to be a very painful experience. Just be careful and listen to your instincts. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I would of picked Megan Fox also. Give it space or you will drive yourself crazy & possibly ignore a guy who is really into you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blondie_182_182 Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 Thanks for the advice everyone. I am going to give him some space so he can figure things out. I don't want to destroy myself emotionally for someone that isn't sure about me in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 Thanks for the advice everyone. I am going to give him some space so he can figure things out. I don't want to destroy myself emotionally for someone that isn't sure about me in the first place. " I need some space " : Translation : " I am breaking up with you :" " I want to slow things down " Translation : " I moved this too fast because I was trying to get over my ex , which I am not , so sorry I hurt you on this rebound situation " Link to post Share on other sites
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