down in a hole

[bobbydyllie]

Ok, I've been asking advice here and there, but still, I feel like ****.

I don't know if this is the right way of telling you this, but I'll start my story over here, and it goes like this.

 

At the beginning of the new school-year, in a new school, I found myself not so happy, though enough people seemed to like me, I started making more friends. And then all of a sudden, this cute girl came up to me and asked me for a light, I didn't know her name at first, but started to like her very much (and was shy of course). Time went by, and she integrated in my group of friends (the ones I talk to during breaks etc.). They knew she had fallen deeply in love with me, but I did not tell anyone I did so too. Then people would try to convince me, about why I shouldn't, we would make such a fine couple together after all. I wanted to, but she wanted to change classes, which held me back. She wanted to come in my class, not because of me, and I know that. But it took a while, and finally we both couldn't put it out of our minds and got together anyhow.

 

We had a very, very fine relationship and we had both found true love, so happy we finally got together. It seemed like reality was far more beautiful than the dreams we had. We saw each other every day of the week, during the weekdays at school (plus before and after), and also in the week-ends. I had been getting along with her family (except her father, because I never got to see him, the parents are divorced). And we got along so very fine in everything and the moments we've had together are unforgettable...

 

Two weeks and a day ago now, there were some problems, her not being all she was, moody and so, and in that moment she walked away and seemed to be amused more with other guys than with me, I couldn't help myself for being jealous (and it wasn't right of me, and I regret it). And she did not really want to talk about all that, she kept on cropping it up, but I finally got to explain her the things, and she doesn't blame me anymore.

 

And last week, was what may have been the definite end of our relationship. She got in a huge fight with her father and the guy just made her depressed. I couldn't involve myself in family matters, but the depression she got, wasn't fun at all, and I tried, and I was really worried about her (still am). But all the time I tried to help her with all the love I have for her, knowing that she's the greatest person ever, kind of drove her away. but she didn't tell me that. I've been trying so much to make her talk, and then she came up with very negative thoughts, the things like "why am I alive, I hate my father, I'm better off alone, I'm the same as him, I'm doomed to be alone, etc.". Things that really crushed my heart, and I tried, and I tried to make her feel better and to comfort her.

 

Yesterday in school she completely ignored me, she couldn't talk to me and didn't want to have a fight and had to do it. I suffered from that, it hurts, to have the woman who you love next to you and you can't take her hand, she crying but she doesn't want you to help... And then she finally told me, that all I did to help her, she appreciates it and finds it sweet but doesn't need it, and all the time I was being so worried about her I drove her feelings for me away.

 

After that, after the crying, after blaming myself we talked again. About things like how beautiful everything was we had together, gave my compliments to her mother and sisters and said I'll certainly see them again. We promised not to forget what a wonderful time we had together, what joy we had to share certain things together... About how we both still don't realize this is the end. And we most certainly must remain friends, because we have too much in common. Also it would be very painful not to be, especially because we'll be reminded of what we had everyday because we see each other almost every day. And it's going to be hard to get everything back to normal after two months and a half of relationship and more months of love

 

But I can't just stop loving her, she is very special to me, like no one before has ever been (though I'm 18) she still means the world to me. Only now I can't tell her that, I can't tell her much anymore. Maybe someday the love grows back, and I'd be very very glad if it did. But I can't put that up as a goal, can't make her love me, maybe it's a phase, maybe she'll come running back, but I don't believe that one.

 

I'm not going to school today, but I'll have to do it again on Monday and all the days coming up. But I can't just move on, I gave all I had and so did she, it's hard for me to understand that the love is gone. Memories will only hurt me, and make me cry more, but I'll cherish them forever.

 

It's killing me actually, if there is anyone who'd like to reply here, feel free. Maybe I did not write down all I feel, but that's also because this is a forum and that makes it harder for me, but my feelings are sincere and I'm still in love with her. And if my English is not of the best, blame my teachers not me. thx for reading this if you got to here. If this seems obvious or hard to reply on then don't bother because at least I got to tell my story.

[Darkangelism]

Losing someone hurts...a lot, but with time, the world will start to look brighter and you will find somebody else.

[calithin83]

i really dont know what to say because 2months 1/2 seems to soon to fall exteremely in love but i guess IT CAN happen, but also what if its infatuation? or maybe u fell for her cos she was the first girl who approached u and was so nice to u yet cute, and during that time when u met her u werent feeling so great, but once u got with her, u felt wonderful, maybe u feel that being withs oemone is what makes u feel great and really what u have to learn is to create that happiness for yourself..

 

I dont know if she'l come back but if i were u id try to just keep myself busy and not show her too much interest....i think ure such a nice wonderfulk dreamy guy who really was sweet and caring to her, too much that she took it for granted , girls kinda need a lil bad rebelion in boys and maybe u didnt give any,,,,

 

i really wish u luck, i know everything will turn out better for u, ure young and if this chick didnt work out, its not the end of your world, i bet theres another girl who will knock u off ure feet even more, maybe this girl was ure first in something?? was she???

 

cos usually when u have a first gf or bf or first sexual partner u tend to just feel like theyre the one, but as time goes by...u will realize that if they were truly the one then why did they push away or make u feel like u pushed them away cos u were caring...thats bull....

 

i had my first bf at 17 and it lasted around the same time, i was depressed and thought i lvoed him..haha i was wrong!!! 6 months later i met someone who I DO love, and ive been with him now for 3 years and 2 months, i would never Go back to that guy i first dated., and now i see that sometimes what u think is love is really some illusion u make up...its weird..

 

Good Luck!!!!!!