Update: The bf's land

[Els]

So many of you guys have been such great support and encouragement over my past 2 years of LDR, so I figure I totally owe you an update.

 

It's a scary step, moving to be with one's SO... and you don't even usually realize that til it's right in your face, and you think, "Gosh, I'm actually gonna be leaving all this behind". But it is just so amazing, being able to finally be with your loved one without having to count days and weeks. It's like a second honeymoon all over again - in my case, EVEN though I came during a period that was extremely busy and stressful for him. I imagine it will be even better for many of you who may be luckier in that aspect, in the future.

 

We're not completely out of the woods yet. While you might imagine that when you're together, the LDR will be but a faint memory and you'll live like a completely typical ITR couple... sometimes it isn't. In our case, what we each had to do to be together carries over into this new life. While I am a qualified pharmacist back home, over here my qualification means jacksquat... and my backpacker status means that even easy office work, such as receptionist/call operator/clerk etc, is difficult to get. He recognizes that the main reason I am here and thus having difficulty getting a job is because of him, and thus while I am unable to get decent work he is supporting me out of his savings, because frankly, I would be miserable if I worked at a taxing physical job such as manual labour (which is the easiest for backpackers to get). Said savings are pretty tight, though, and have led to a little conflict during my time here, as we both have different methods of saving money. He considers some of the things I spend on, not such a great idea, and vice versa. When I have obtained my postgrad from here in a few years' time, this will cease to be a problem - but for now, it is.

 

There has also been housemate drama, as stated in http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t237820/ . I'm currently looking for new places within our budget for me to move to.

 

Yet, it is WONDERFUL. I cannot express how worth it it was to tough out those long days of LD, to be able to welcome him with open arms when he comes home to my place, to be able to do so many activities together - go out, take walks, cook, eat, sleep, have sex... Everything just feels so natural when we're together IRL, and the majority of my insecurities and issues have disappeared. While I have no doubt that there will be problems in the future, after the disappearance of honeymoon phase #2, I actually can't wait to have problems about the real US and our relationship, instead of problems innate to LDRs which cannot be fully solved with the limitations in place.

 

And I love his country. I'm even considering starting a blog about it. Maybe I'll earn some pocket cash that way, heh.

 

To those struggling now, I hope you will not be disheartened by all the claims of 'LDR will not work'. Those who speak as such are ignorant. I also hope you guys will be able to tough out all the LDR-related problems (and I am a seasoned veteran of many of them!) and attain happiness in the future.

 

you guys.

Edited July 13, 2010 by Elswyth

[Spiritofnow]

I feel really emotional reading your update.

 

Emotional because it reminds me why I am putting myself through all the uncertainties and confusion the dynamics of an LDR can cause in conjunction with all the individual differences and past that we each bring into our relationships, and also because I am so happy to hear how content and lucid your thoughts are. Feels to me like you are breathing in the purest air and seeing things with much more clarity - yay for that!!!!

 

I am cheering for you!

 

Thanks, Elswyth..I am happy that this medium bought me to know some of the person that you are ; )

[aerogurl87]

Elswyth glad your loving being with your SO in his country!

 

I can't wait till I get to live with my SO permanently, even if it does just end up being temporarily for now. I think couples who get to be together in real time don't realize how lucky they are to just be together as much as those who've been through a LDR. But I'm happy your loving your new life. Keep us updated and definitely start a blog.

[Els]

I feel really emotional reading your update.

 

Emotional because it reminds me why I am putting myself through all the uncertainties and confusion the dynamics of an LDR can cause in conjunction with all the individual differences and past that we each bring into our relationships, and also because I am so happy to hear how content and lucid your thoughts are. Feels to me like you are breathing in the purest air and seeing things with much more clarity - yay for that!!!!

 

I am cheering for you!

 

Thanks, Elswyth..I am happy that this medium bought me to know some of the person that you are ; )

 

Thanks!!! I'm glad this helped encourage you - goodness only knows I needed all the encouragement I could get when I was in an LDR.

 

Elswyth glad your loving being with your SO in his country!

 

I can't wait till I get to live with my SO permanently, even if it does just end up being temporarily for now. I think couples who get to be together in real time don't realize how lucky they are to just be together as much as those who've been through a LDR. But I'm happy your loving your new life. Keep us updated and definitely start a blog.

 

I completely agree with this, and I think this is actually one of the advantages of an LDR... You learn to really appreciate what you have without being distracted by some of the SILLIEST stuff I have seen people posting about in the other forums (OMG gf gained 5 lbs, I'm not attracted anymore!!! Eww I don't like the engagement ring bf bought me!! Grrr I'm so pissed bf didn't arrange things properly when planning to bring me for his uncle's funeral so I have to sit and wait for 30 minutes in the church!)

 

Elswyth, I have a mix of emotions reading your post. I am extremely happy for you and that you get this time with your boyfriend (roommates aside) but bummed for myself because when I read your post I was suddenly all too aware of the distance between my boyfriend and I. Even though we have made plans for me to move to where he is when my lease is up in March the idea of uprooting my life and moving north (for someone who has lived in the south their entire life) is daunting for me.

 

I am look forward to the day when I can say my boyfriend and I are finally together, because the distance can be extremely stressful for me. But getting to that point is a mix of emotions... mostly fear of the unknown.

 

But I am extremely happy for you! You deserve it!

Awwww, {{{{Lisa}}}}. It IS daunting. The multiple threads I made before moving attest to that. I would hope that hearing the success stories of those of us who did take the leap, will inspire you with courage to do so though.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Yet, it is WONDERFUL. I cannot express how worth it it was to tough out those long days of LD, to be able to welcome him with open arms when he comes home to my place, to be able to do so many activities together - go out, take walks, cook, eat, sleep, have sex... Everything just feels so natural when we're together IRL, and the majority of my insecurities and issues have disappeared.

 

This makes me happy to hear! :)

[carvidep]

You learn to really appreciate what you have without being distracted by some of the SILLIEST stuff I have seen people posting about in the other forums (OMG gf gained 5 lbs, I'm not attracted anymore!!! Eww I don't like the engagement ring bf bought me!! Grrr I'm so pissed bf didn't arrange things properly when planning to bring me for his uncle's funeral so I have to sit and wait for 30 minutes in the church!)

 

People actually complain about that stuff??? wow! can we say SHALLOW?? yikes!!

 

I also have to agree that being LD makes us appreciate our SO's and our relationships in general soooo much more than IRL's. When I spent 3 months with my sweetie, I have to admit that I started to take the LD aspect for granted. It was so nice to get used to just being with him and forget all of the trials previous to that. Now that we're LD again, I have a new perspective on "us," and it never feels as painful as it did before. So although I wish we could still be together, like right now, I'm incredibly happy in regards to my relationship with him.

 

Elswyth I'm so excited for you!! Way to get over that hurdle and jump in! And I'm super happy that he's treating you so well and you two didn't lose any spirit throughout all of the troubles you had in LD!!

 

Now the only things I want to wish you good luck on are the housing and job finding!!

[Spiritofnow]

Now the only things I want to wish you good luck on are the housing and job finding!!

 

Totally! Ditto

[sweetjasmine]

Yet, it is WONDERFUL. I cannot express how worth it it was to tough out those long days of LD, to be able to welcome him with open arms when he comes home to my place, to be able to do so many activities together - go out, take walks, cook, eat, sleep, have sex... Everything just feels so natural when we're together IRL, and the majority of my insecurities and issues have disappeared. While I have no doubt that there will be problems in the future, after the disappearance of honeymoon phase #2, I actually can't wait to have problems about the real US and our relationship, instead of problems innate to LDRs which cannot be fully solved with the limitations in place.

 

Awwww, yay, Elswyth! :)

 

So happy for you. You've been through so much, and it's wonderful to see you happy and finally with your SO.

[Els]

Awww... thanks so much, guys!

 

People actually complain about that stuff??? wow! can we say SHALLOW?? yikes!!

 

Yeah they do!! All three of those I've actually seen on the boards before... and #1 and #2 multiple times.

 

I also have to agree that being LD makes us appreciate our SO's and our relationships in general soooo much more than IRL's. When I spent 3 months with my sweetie, I have to admit that I started to take the LD aspect for granted. It was so nice to get used to just being with him and forget all of the trials previous to that. Now that we're LD again, I have a new perspective on "us," and it never feels as painful as it did before. So although I wish we could still be together, like right now, I'm incredibly happy in regards to my relationship with him.

 

Yeah, it's way too easy to lose sight of the past and take things for granted, sadly. The LDR forums are a good way to keep a level head and see things in perspective though, I find.

 

Now the only things I want to wish you good luck on are the housing and job finding!!

 

Thanks!! The housing isn't easy, frankly, with us having a very limited budget and being restricted by bus routes . My current house is pretty much PERFECT in all ways except those two girls - it's affordable, the bf has easy access to his own place, and to work on the days that he stays over, and the house, kitchen and room is just gorgeous. After viewing another possible house and ruling it out today, I think I may even stay, and just ignore them. I have as much right to the house as they do.

 

Jobs, well. I'll go job-hunting in a different part of town tomorrow..

[Spiritofnow]

Yeah, it's way too easy to lose sight of the past and take things for granted, sadly. The LDR forums are a good way to keep a level head and see things in perspective though, I find.

 

I definitely agree with you in how useful the forum is. I have found that having multiple perceptions and opinions really helps me balance out how I feel. I am new at this relationship game in that my SO is the first guy I have ever really let in and see the 'real' me, so the forum helps me separate the differences between relationship issues and the distance. I am soooooo grateful for that.

 

 

Thanks!! The housing isn't easy, frankly, with us having a very limited budget and being restricted by bus routes . My current house is pretty much PERFECT in all ways except those two girls - it's affordable, the bf has easy access to his own place, and to work on the days that he stays over, and the house, kitchen and room is just gorgeous. After viewing another possible house and ruling it out today, I think I may even stay, and just ignore them. I have as much right to the house as they do.

 

I read all about your housing issues on that link you posted, and I think you are right not to pay too much attention to the other girls. They should have really stipulated their expectations before you moved in. It's not really fair to let you move in and then tell you all the things that they expect.

 

I think as long as you are respectful that you should just go about living your daily life and give them less power over how happy you feel living there.

 

Jobs, well. I'll go job-hunting in a different part of town tomorrow..

 

Good-luck with the job hunting.

[aerogurl87]

Thanks!! The housing isn't easy, frankly, with us having a very limited budget and being restricted by bus routes . My current house is pretty much PERFECT in all ways except those two girls - it's affordable, the bf has easy access to his own place, and to work on the days that he stays over, and the house, kitchen and room is just gorgeous. After viewing another possible house and ruling it out today, I think I may even stay, and just ignore them. I have as much right to the house as they do.

 

Jobs, well. I'll go job-hunting in a different part of town tomorrow..

 

Good luck with the job hunting and yeah just ignore the roomies. Sometimes it's better to live with a group of people you don't care for in a near perfect place than to live in a hellish place with no crazy roomies.

[Els]

Gah, I'm such a slacker. Woke up to menstrual cramps, peeked outside and saw dreary weather... and decided to just fix lunch and curl up in bed at home instead. Job hunting resumes next Monday.

 

Good luck with the job hunting and yeah just ignore the roomies. Sometimes it's better to live with a group of people you don't care for in a near perfect place than to live in a hellish place with no crazy roomies.

 

Yeah I think so too! That seems to be our decision at the moment, and I must admit it's pretty funny for me to 'scout ahead' before beckoning him out of the room because the 'coast is clear'. Sadly I think it'll cease to be funny long before the 6 months are up.

[LittleTiger]

Happy to hear things are going so well for you Elswyth.

 

I'd give almost anything to be in NZ right now!!! *sigh* (not jealous at all )

 

Good luck with the job hunting (when you're feeling better) and I hope things settle down with the roomies. These things are sent to try us!